


Said and Done

by saucyminx



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-07
Updated: 2010-06-07
Packaged: 2017-10-28 07:20:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 64,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared is where he’s supposed to be – Winston Arms a private school but his roommate should have been his friend Chad - not Jensen the scholarship student with a Juvi record.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jared had deliberately taken his time dragging his suitcase and laptop down to the car. Not only was he not impressed that summer was over already, he knew that his final year at Winston Arms Prep was going to suck.

In all their wisdom, Jared's parents had decided to enrol him in the student mentoring program. So. Instead of having a monumentally incredible senior year rooming with his best friend, Chad he was going to be babysitting some junior.

 _It was going to suck._

Jared had tried pretty much everything to get his parents to change their minds. The problem was that they saw it as a fitting punishment for what Jared thought of as his and Chad's grandest accomplishment yet.

With a month left in the previous school year, Jared had used his credit card to order a very high class call girl and have her show up to the Principal's house dressed as a school girl.

It had been pretty damn hilarious. Of course, Jared and Chad had been outside crouching in the shrubs and had nearly died when the Principal's wife answered the door. Jared had nearly burst a lung when the call girl asked for the Principal.

The charge to Jared's credit card had been two thousand dollars. It fell, his father told him, outside what was considered an _emergency expenditure_.

Naturally, Jared's father - Gerry Padalecki of Padalecki and Associates - had a law intern track down the purchase. Jared was busted. The only reason that he and Chad weren't suspended was because of the rather timely donation Jared's father made to Winston Arms earmarked specifically for the new teacher's lounge and student computer lab.

Jared's father seemed to think that ruining Jared's final year of High School was a fitting punishment.

The silent treatment hadn't changed his father's mind; actually, Jared wasn't even sure his father had noticed. Moping hadn't accomplished much because it was pretty much Jared's default when at home. Slamming doors, while extremely satisfying, was completely ineffective because he parents weren't home most of the time. Jared had even resorted to trying to have an adult conversation with his father about it. His father had laughed.

So - the year was going to suck. With Jared's luck he supposed, he would get stuck with some spoiled, snot-nosed kid who wanted to get good grades and was in bed by nine every night. It sucked.

To add insult to injury when he finally got down the stairs and out to the car the driver told him that his father was unable to make it and said _have a good trip._

On the spot Jared decided he wouldn't go home for Thanksgiving, Christmas or any of the other stupid holidays that his parents made him celebrate.

Climbing into the car Jared slumped down in the seat and poured himself a glass of his father's twenty-five year old Scotch. Jared hated it but it annoyed his father that it kept disappearing. When the driver stared at Jared in the rear view mirror Jared simply flipped the switch to put up the privacy screen.

-=-=-=-

The seniors lived in Rothenberg Hall, the furthest student resident from the centre of campus. One positive thing in all the _crap_ was that Jared's room was on the main floor. It was much more convenient for sneaking out. At least that didn't suck.

Tossing his suitcase aside, Jared set up his lap top and started unpacking a few things. He was half way through hanging up his uniform shirts when the door swung open again. "Chad, 'bout time, usually you're here before me. Just let me ditch this stuff and I'm coming to _your_ room, hanging out here is gonna suck-" The grin that was on his face disappeared the moment he saw that the guy standing in the middle of their room, was not, in fact, Chad.

If Jensen Ackles had given some real thought to what type of roommate he might end up having at Winston Arms Prep, he would say this guy pretty much fit exactly right into that category. He wasn't in his uniform yet but his polo shirt was crisp and clean, collar slightly lifted, jeans appropriately faded, hair thick, brown and floppy, laying haphazard around his jaw. He looked straight out a commercial for some famous clothing line that Jensen couldn't name even if he tried. He also made Jensen extremely aware of his own thin t-shirt, that was past the point of needing to be replaced and worn jeans that might have looked fashionable if they weren’t a size too small and if the large rip in the leg was in a more strategic place.

"Sorry," he blurted after a few moments of simply staring. His eyes dipped down to check the paper clutched in his hand and he shifted the backpack on his shoulder. "Are you, Jared?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Jared turned back to the closet to push the door closed before turning back. "You are?"

"Jensen." His eyes swept across the room; his room for the next nine or so months. "It says this is my room." Jensen waved the paper up for a moment, still shifting uncomfortably from one too tight shoe to the next in the doorway.

Jared gestured to the side of the room closest to the door. "Your bed, your closet, _our_ bathroom." He pointed at the bathroom door. "Don't touch my stuff, don't use my towels, if my tie is hanging on the doorknob when you come home -find somewhere else to be." Flopping down onto his bed Jared glanced over at his roommate. "Make sense?"

"Yeah." Jensen nodded and crossed the room to his bed. Things were going about as well as he'd expected, and it would likely only get worse which really wasn't saying too much. But Jensen knew how to handle these types of situations and he'd just stay out of Jared's way. Next year, if he kept going here, Jared would be gone and Jensen would just have to get by with his next roommate.

Tossing his backpack on the bed Jensen did what he'd always done his whole life, continued to put one foot in front of the other because that's what life was all about. Or so his Mama used to say. There wasn't much to unpack, Jensen only had a few things to his name, and he’d pick up his books and uniforms from the front office soon.

He tugged the zipper of his backpack open and pulled out the bundled up handful of regular clothes, tossing them on the blanket and reaching in for the picture frame next. Jensen smiled softly at the image before placing it on his nightstand. A few random trinkets for the drawer - including a small notebook with contact info and a little stuffed teddy bear he'd gotten and was saving for a gift - and Jensen was done unpacking.

Pushing up from the bed he crossed to the closet and stuffed the backpack in the bottom, listening to the sounds of Jared moving across the room from him. He wondered where the office was, if maybe he should ask. Judging from their few previously exchanged words, Jared probably wasn't too interested in showing him around. Maybe if he just stood in the hall for awhile a teacher would come along and he could get directions that way. Pushing down a sigh, Jensen shrugged out of his worn leather coat, turning to hang it on the back of his desk chair. His shirt was a bit too tight but comfortable at least, still, Jensen resisted the urge to fold his arms across his chest.

Jared's eyes widened when he turned around to turn his lap top off. Not only was Jensen _built_ , he had tattoos and an earring. Lowering himself slowly onto his desk chair Jared let his eyes trail down the guy's body. His eyebrows darted up when he saw the outline of a nipple ring and he tugged uncomfortably on the collar of his shirt. "Uh, what's up with you? Why you here? You obviously aren't... well-" Even _Jared_ had enough tact to avoid saying _you don't belong here_.

Glancing toward Jared, admittedly a little surprised at the boy's attempt, Jensen shrugged. "Scholarship." He spoke quietly, shrugging his shoulders then turned back to his bed, crossing the room to sort through the shirts. He sniffed the second and the third before settling on the last and pulling his shirt up. "I tested high enough they offered me a vacant spot." Jensen offered, eyes lifting to Jared once more.

"And the tattoos? And the, uh," he tried to get his mind off the nipple ring, "earring?" Jared ran over options in his mind and decided that Jensen was probably one of those guys who was too smart for his own good and had been in trouble by the time he was in middle school. "Stealing? Beat up the wrong guy?"

Shoulders tensing Jensen tugged on his semi-clean shirt and fixed his eyes on Jared. "Excuse me?" He wondered if he was going to come with a reputation, if this school was just small enough for rumours to spark and flare almost instantly.

"Wow, dude, just making conversation. If you'd like - we can completely ignore each other all year. I'm _really_ quite okay with that." Jared's expression cooled instantly and he shifted back to his desk and picked up his cell phone.

"Jesus, you're all sorts of friendly huh?" Jensen arched an eyebrow and sorted through his clothes, folding them slowly. "A couple tattoos and an earring and you're accusing me of stealing or beating up the wrong guy. Then freaking out when I dare to question you on it." Things were definitely starting off on the wrong foot. Jensen was pretty used to that too.

"Look, I don't really care what you did. Believe me." Jared tossed his cell phone back on the desk and turned to face Jensen. "So here's the deal. My Dad set up this whole mentor-program _shit_. I'll do what I'm supposed to do, show you where your classes are - whatever. There's no need to get quite so cave-man about it."

Sure, there might be a small part of Jared that was a bit intimidated by the guy's build. He was obviously used to working out or working or _whatever_ it was that people like him did. Jared, on the other hand, didn't much like to expend too much energy unless it involved sex, money or getting really drunk.

"How chivalrous of you," Jensen muttered, and reclaimed his coat, lifting it and shoving his arms into the sleeves. "I don't need your help. Thanks." The last thing he wanted was to be the pain in the ass problem Jared had to deal with because he'd done something to anger his dad. And, truthfully, it didn't seem like they were going to be friends, didn't seem like there was a point in pushing it further.

"Where you going?" Jared pushed up from his chair and leaned on the back of it. So far, things were going _really_ well.

"The office. I need my books and uniforms." Jensen glanced over at the picture frame, half tempted to bring it with him. It was really the only thing of importance to his name but somehow he didn't see carrying the picture around as winning him any points with his superior, elitist fellow classmates.

Jared eyes followed Jensen's gaze. "Who's in the picture?" He actually felt a little bad. His mother had raised him to have some good graces after all. "Girlfriend? Family?" Jared thought it was a girl but there was no way he was going any closer.

"My sister." Jensen lifted his gaze from the picture, reaching out to slide it further back along the nightstand. He didn't really know what to say, couldn't really grasp where he stood with this guy, if it was a peace offering or curiosity for curiosity sake.

"Oh. Well, so..." Jared shrugged, almost ready to give up on the whole being social thing. "So - you _got_ a girlfriend? Anyone else who'll be visiting?" Standing up straighter Jared shoved his hands in his pockets.

Jensen had this policy about honesty. He liked to live by it unless it was going to put his life in serious danger. For the last year and a half he'd been living under that false pretence and it had been hard. But admitting his was gay to his roommate, in an all boy’s school? Was it any better than admitting he was gay while in juvenile hall? Probably not. Only here he wasn't likely to get stabbed in the showers for it. Maybe.

"No. No relationship," Jensen said quietly and twitched the edge of the folded shirt into place on the bed. "No visitors. Do you have a girlfriend?" Which was just his way of finding out if he was going to be coming back to find the tie on the door knob a lot.

"Not right now, nope. My friend, Chad, he'll be around a lot- tall obnoxious blond guy." Jared shrugged. "We were supposed to be roommates before I - well, anyway. You sure you don't need help to find the office? Chad's not here yet so." Sliding a hand through his hair Jared walked over and picked up the picture frame and studied Jensen's sister. "She's cute."

Deciding this was an offer of peace, that maybe Jared was _trying_ , Jensen allowed himself to smile, small and soft. "Yeah. That was, it was a few years ago. So, yeah." He shrugged and dragged a hand up through his hair, looking around the room, trying not to pay too much attention to Jared so close to him. Not that it mattered or anything. "I, um yeah. Actually if you could show me to the office. I'd appreciate it."

Putting the picture frame back on the desk Jared smiled. "Alright, let's go then." Snatching his phone off the desk Jared slipped it into his back pocket and patted the front searching for his wallet. "It's not far - and you'll only want to go there once believe me. Principal Farlon is a bast-"

"Hey fucker," the door burst open, bringing with it a tall, blond haired boy Jensen could only assume was Chad. He was across the room in a second, arm hooking around Jared's neck and dragging him into his side, pinning him there. "Padalecki, where the fuck you been all my life?"

Laughing, Jared smacked the side of Chad's head. "Do you know how to knock asshole?" Jared rolled his eyes and glanced over at Jensen, "sorry, can't keep the riff raff out these days." Disentangling himself from Chad Jared leaned his hip against Jensen's desk. "Chad, Jensen, my roommate or my punishment depending on how you look at it."

The offhand remark was probably just that, off hand, but Jensen felt slighted by it. "Hey," he nodded toward the boy, hands stuffing in his pockets as Chad released Jared and gave him a long once over.

"Hey yourself." Chad did the weird head twitch in a greeting thing that Jensen always thought made people look slightly like a retarded chicken. "C'mon Jay, snuck in a six pack. Nothing to do but drink for the rest of the day." He cackled and pulled Jared with him to the door.

For a few moments, Jared actually felt a little bad about leaving Jensen kind of hanging - but it was really only a few hours. He hadn't seen Chad for two months and the beer really sounded good. "Jensen, the office-" Chad tugged him out of the room and Jared pulled free to poke his head back around the door. "Go out front and take a right, walk straight you can't miss it."

"Okay," Jensen called, stepping forward to peer out the door and watch them go. Chad dragged Jared into a room and slammed the door. "Thanks," he breathed and leaped back into the room when a couple of boys ran past him. "Awesome." He sighed and turned around, so much for the olive branch of peace.

-=-=-=-

"Dude. So, Jensen?" Chad pulled a beer from his mini-fridge and offered it to Jared, shaking his head as he dropped down onto his bed. "I heard them talkin' about him, in the office." Which was code for Chad saying he'd been spying on the secretary in the main office, Sophia, who he thought was gorgeous. "You should hear some of the shit. Did you know he was in juvi before he came here?"

"Juv-" Jared's head whipped from the beer to his friend's face. "What the hell, man? Why? What did you hear?" Jared sank down heavily onto Chad's bed. _Great_. His year suddenly went from crappy to fucking awful.

Pulling the tab on the beer Chad laughed and took a long swig and followed it up with a loud burp. "I heard," he drew the word out, exaggerated it with a wide smirk to add tension to the moment. "He totally, stabbed a dude. Like, straight up shoved a blade in his side. Totally serious man. They said he did a bunch of other shit too. He was there for over a year. Juvi I mean but I guess he got off on parole or somethin'."

Choking on a mouthful of beer Jared leaned forward until he could finally get his breath back. "What?" A six pack wouldn't be enough beer for _this_ day. "You're making shit up to try and freak me out. I know you, Murray."

"No dude, I'm totally fucking serious," Chad set the beer down and held his hands up, an honest-to-god gesture.

"I heard Sophia man, she was talkin' to Nikki about it. And I know they were being honest 'cause they didn't know I was listening."

"Did he kill the guy?" Jared's voice sounded a little too high for his liking.

"Nah man, pretty sure he couldn't get out if he did right? I mean, even if you're under eighteen killin' someone, that's like, life in jail right?" Chad shrugged and downed half his beer. "So he just like, stabbed someone. Maybe he's got mental issues." Chad smirked at his friend and finished his beer off, crushing the can in his grip. "Don't piss him off. He might stab you in your sleep. Cut off all your pretty hair."

"Fuck." Yeah Chad was exaggerating to make Jared feel bad but _Jesus_. So now, Jared would get killed in his sleep for like, touching the photo of Jensen's sister and his dad would feel really guilty for the rest of his life. Okay, that part wasn't bad but the whole dead Jared thing was.

"Can I get moved? My fuckin' Dad. I never should have let you talk me into the hooker thing." Jared sighed and downed the rest of his beer. The sooner he was drunk, the better.

Snorting a laugh Chad slid over to grab another beer, shaking his head. "You know the rules Padalecki, all room assignments are final. Tell you what though, if he goes all nuts in the middle of the night and starts jumping around, waving a knife at you and shit, I'll let you share my bed." Chad rubbed the spot beside him on the bed, patting it roughly and laughing even louder.

"You suck, you know that?" Jared snatched his friend’s beer out of his hand and started drinking it. "If he was _your_ roommate you wouldn't be laughing"

Chad's expression softened, hand extending to slap at his arm. "Jay, man, it's alright. Look, they wouldn't just like, pay for him to go here if he were seriously gonna stab someone right? Just ignore him or whatever. Shouldn't be an issue yeah?" Chad shrugged, reaching over once more to get another beer.

"Easy for you to say," Jared muttered. He was _not_ happy to be living with a knife-wielding psycho and planned to give his father a call as soon as he was able. It might actually be good for making his Dad feel guilty enough to do something about the rooming situation.

"God, this is just going to suck. Who's your roommate? Do you even have one?" Jared's dad had split him and Chad up pretty late in the summer.

"They put me with Rosenbaum," Chad shrugged, glancing toward the door. "Only good thing is his brother always buys him liquor on the weekends. He'll be the party link this year. So look, you just crash here whenever you need too right? We can make room."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll just stay out of his way. More beer, Chad. _More_ beer." It was gonna be a long night.

-=-=-=-

Once upon a time, believe it or not, Jensen actually had a pretty normal life. He'd been happy, with his family, his potential future, and his friends. Then everything changed and now, he was here. Winston Arms Prep. Which was basically a breeding school for the sons of the rich and wealthy unless you happened to be lucky enough - or misfortunate enough depending on your definition - to warrant a scholarships. The grounds were spacious, thick lush green lawns and expansive brick buildings. There were separate wings for each department, science, math, art. More even and Jensen wasn't really even sure where the _front_ was.

"Are you lost?" A boy to his side asked and Jensen turned, looking up from his paper and eyeing him.

"Yeah. I'm looking for the office." Jensen glanced back at the paper then back up. "I don't suppose you can help me out?"

"Sure, it's this way," the boy started them off down the path, looking curiously his way. "Not a lot of new older kids around here."

"Oh?" Jensen had already gathered that. It seemed pretty obvious that everyone knew everyone here, had for many years. Jensen considered the tall man beside him. His bright blue eyes glistened in the sunlight and he smiled. "Guess it's a prep school thing huh? Everyone knows everyone. Rich blood."

"Something close to that I imagine," he nodded, hands tucking into his pockets.

"Bet all the teachers are paid off too, all in mommy and daddy's pockets so their little rich brats can get high grades and go to Harvard or Yale or whatever." Jensen huffed, shoving his hands in his pockets. When the guy just looked at him with an amused smile, Jensen sighed and shrugged. "Are you a senior?"

The man laughed this time, shaking his head. "No. Art teacher. But I probably get that a lot. I mean, I do. Since I came here."

"Whoa, you're a teacher? You don't look any older than me." Jensen realized after a moment that wasn't entire true. There were laugh lines around the man's eyes, slight stubble on his chin. His words flashed back through his mind and he flushed. "Sorry. Uh, I hope, I mean. Shit, great. First impression with a teacher and I accuse him of being paid off by parents. That's just... great."

Pushing at a door, the man laughed once more and clapped Jensen on the shoulder. "Hey, don't sweat it. I make good money; I don't have issues dealing with the backlash." The man's eyes sparkled in clear amusement and Jensen couldn't tell if he was joking or not. He did kind of like the guy though and hoped he had him as his own art teacher. "Hey Sophia, got a Jensen Ackles here for you."

"How did you know my name?" Jensen asked curiously, looking from the woman - who must have been Sophia back to the teacher.

"Like I said, not a lot of new kids. And, you come with a reputation," the man smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. "I'm Misha. Collins, see you in class," he grinned at them both before spinning and heading back outside.

"Alright. Is he always so..." Jensen turned back to the girl behind the desk but didn't finish his thought. She was watching him as if she expected him to go bat shit insane and jump across the desk at any moment. So obviously she knew about his past. Or at least the part that opinions were made from.

"Hi," he tried to smile at the woman, stepping closer. She flinched back and Jensen's heart pinched in his chest. "Right. Um. I need to get my books and uniforms? My letter said they'd all be waiting here."

"Uh huh." The woman nodded and pointed to a door. "In there. Your name should be on everything."

It stung, more than Jensen might admit too, the way he was treated when people knew about him. But he had to get used to it. Stamps like _assault with a deadly weapon_ stayed on ones permanent record.

"Thanks," he said quietly, staring down at the ground as he turned and crossed to the door, opening it to reveal a small office inside.

All together Jensen had fifteen books of various sizes and four uniforms, an additional one for special occasions - which from what he read in the brochure constituted the bi-monthly get together in which the girls in the prep school across the lake came their way and there was some social soiree. Jensen hoped they were optional.

Carrying everything back to his dorm room was a more difficult challenge than he anticipated. And even though he was clearly struggling with the balance of the books and the uniforms, none of the passing students offered to help. It was helping to firm up the image Jensen already had in his mind about how this school and he were going to get along. He felt eyes, curious obviously, and heard whispered and wondered how long it would take until a rumour leaked. It would be really great if he could just get through the first official day of classes without being treated like some kid who just got out of juvi. Even if he was.

When he got back to the room Jared was still gone and Chad's door was still firmly closed. He heard loud laughing and music and frowned for a moment before retreating into the sanctuary of his room. Jensen skipped dinner, not really in the mood to sit alone at some table with food that probably wasn't going to be much better than that of St. Nicolas' correctional. If he could secure some money, maybe get a job or something, and then he could buy his own food. As it was Jensen used the last three dollars to his name to buy a bag of chips, a packet of M&Ms and a Mountain Dew from the vending machines.

He took his time hanging up his uniforms, surprisingly not hating the idea considering he'd just get teased if he wore his normal clothes around the campus. He arranged his books in piles, the ones he'd need his first day of class set on his desk, the others tucked on the bottom shelf of the book shelf. Jared had used the first three and Jensen couldn't help scanning the titles, judging the man by his taste in books. Considering his collection included Douglas Adams and Tolkien, Jensen thought he must be a little decent, even if he never got the opportunity to know Jared in that way. A friendship way. Jensen knew a lot about the barriers life gave you and how, sometimes, crossing them was impossible.

Jared didn't return until late in the evening and by then Jensen was already halfway through the third chapter in his world history book. It was the first class he had in the morning and he didn't have much else to do but get on top of things. He was just beginning a paragraph about modern inventions and how they shaped and molded society when the door burst open and he nearly jumped off the bed. "Jesus Christ," Jensen hissed, wide eyes fixing up on his roommate.

"Jensen!" Jared stumbled against the door frame and leaned heavily into the wall for a few moments. "The light is on - so you're still up." Looking pleased Jared half-rolled along the wall. Swatting at his hair Jared stumbled toward his bed. "God, I can't get hold of my dad."

"Um," Jensen hadn't been in contact with someone who was this drunk in a long time. He reached out for some paper, tucking it in the book before closing it and setting it to the side. "Do you need some help or something?" He really didn't want to try and get a passed out Jared in bed; the guy - besides being pretty fucking hot if he cared to admit it - was stupidly tall. Jensen would struggle even with his muscular build.

"You," Jared turned around and stepped to the side a little to keep his balance. "Did you? Are you?" Taking a few steps closer Jared pointed his finger in the general direction of Jensen's chest. "Did you stab someone?" Jared was having trouble focusing on Jensen's face but he was pretty sure the guy was looking at him.

 _Shit_. Rumours in this place apparently spread faster than wildfire. "Uh," he searched his mind, considered if he should lie or not, or whether Jared would remember any of this in the morning. "You're really fucking drunk dude. You should, go to bed. Before you pass out on the floor because I'm not going to carry you into bed." Diversionary tactic and hopefully Jared would go with it.

"No," Jared swayed slightly and leaned down to look into Jensen's eyes, well, as well as he could. "I wanna know if I'm living with some crazy killer. You don't look like a killer." Jared curled his fingers around the side of Jensen's neck. "You have a sister," he flung his arm out to the side and knocked the picture frame down onto the desk.

Jensen might have tolerated the neck hold if the picture frame hadn't suffered the blow as well. "Get the fuck off me dude," Jensen shoved at him, fingers connecting hard into his chest and launching him back. "I didn't kill anyone. So just, back the fuck off." He glared at his roommate for a moment more before turning and reaching out for the picture frame, lifting it carefully and setting it up.

If Jared had been sober he might have been able to regain his balance after Jensen shoved him. As he was however, his arms wind milled for a few moments and then the floor kind of fell out from under him. The next thing he knew Jared was staring up at the ceiling and his head was throbbing. He had the vaguest notion that his head had, in fact, whacked into something but one of the advantages to being drunk was that he couldn’t really feel much. "Jesus," he murmured and rubbed at the back of his head.

Glancing over and down at the boy Jensen sighed slowly, evening out his temper before climbing off the bed and staring down at him. "Are you alright?" He asked quietly, a twinge of guilt curling in his chest. Jared's eyes were glazed but likely from the alcohol and his face was flushed.

"No, I'm not alright, don't shove me." Jared grabbed at the quilt on his bed and pulled himself up on to his knees. Okay, so maybe he was a little clumsy but he didn't exactly deserve to be knocked on his ass. There were some things that he was sober enough to figure out.

Turning to drop back onto his own bed once more, Jensen shoved at the blankets, pushing beneath them a little too roughly in his heightened irritation. "Yeah well, don't come in here and start accusing me of killing someone. And _don't_ touch my picture or talk about my sister." Jensen rolled away from the boy, reaching out to turn off his bedside lamp and dropping heavily down onto the mattress.

"I didn't mean to hit the thing," Jared mumbled. Jared struggled out of his jacket and finally fought his way free and flung it at the chair. It missed and landed in a heap on the floor. "And, I didn't talk _about_ your sister." He muttered something that didn't even make sense in his own mind and took a few steps back towards the bed and sat down hard.

"I was tryin'a be nice then. And you’re a stabber. Chad said that you'd stab me in my sleep or something." He fell back on his bed and sighed. "I thought you were okay."

"Leave me alone," Jensen whispered, pulling his blanket up around his shoulders and burrowing down into the mattress.

"M'sorry," Jared murmured. All the words were swimming around in his head but he really didn't want the guy mad at him. "Think I'm gonna b'sick," he moaned and tried to push up off the bed.

Rolling swiftly Jensen just managed to tuck a trash can beneath the boy's head before he lost the contents of his stomach. And, of course, passed out.

Jensen groaned, scrubbing a hand down his face before carrying the trash can to the bathroom. He rinsed it thoroughly and left it in the sink to soak, turning on the air vent before returning to the room. Jensen was _not_ going out of his way to help this guy but he felt a little too guilty just leaving him half slumped on the bed so he tugged his shoes off and shoved Jared until he was on his side. "God I hope you don't snore," Jensen grumbled, climbing back into his own bed once the light was out. Jared was going to wake up with a foul taste in his mouth in the morning, and Jensen figured he deserved it.

-=-=-=-

It served Jared right for getting drunk the night before classes started and Jensen didn't bother being quiet as he got ready. He woke early enough to shower, enjoying the luxury of a single stall. Getting into his uniform was an unexpected challenge and he struggled a good ten minutes with his tie before grabbing one that was already tied on the collar of a different uniform and loosening it enough to slip it on. Jensen stared at himself in the mirror. He looked odd in the uniform, like he didn't quite belong. He didn't so in the end he supposed it was fitting.

Classes started at nine and Jensen was ready a good hour before. Jared was still passed out in his bed, slumped across the mattress like someone had rung the life out of him, still in his clothes from the day before only now his clean pressed polo was rumpled halfway up his chest. Jensen may have stared a little too long at the tan expanse of hipbone before forcing his gaze away and focusing in on his world history book once more.

He still wasn't brave enough to take on the cafeteria, and he had no idea where it was, so he finished off the bag of M&Ms and drained the warm soda. It churned unpleasant in his stomach and Jensen sighed, knowing his days of avoiding the place were up. Or day, really. Less than twenty four hours here and Jensen was certainly not impressed. But he was also used to disappointment so he went with it.

Eight thirty rolled around and Jared still hadn't even moved - except one little twitch in which he made a strange snorting nose and flailed around like a fish out of water. Jensen knew he hadn't set an alarm, and he wasn't big enough of an asshole to screw Jared over like that. So he gathered up his books into his backpack and crossed to Jared's bed, kicking roughly at the mattress. "Dude. Wake up. Class is in twenty five minutes."

Jared groaned. Either there was an earthquake or God was speaking to him. He wasn't sure which was actually more likely. Judging from the way his head hurt he figure he could have died. Cracking an eye open he coughed and scratched at his stomach. "Wass happening?" _Jensen_. Ah yes, the axe murdering roommate in a uniform.

 _Classes._ Jared bolted upright and felt quite nauseous before dropping his feel the floor and putting his head between his knees. Chad had taught him that trick. Chad was drunk a lot so he knew some good tricks. Groaning again, Jared peered up at Jensen, "timeisit?"

"Eight forty," Jensen glanced over at the side clock and sighed. "Two." He stepped back, hooking the strap of his backpack over his shoulder and turning to head for the door. "Now that you’re conscious I don't feel guilty leaving you. See you... around." Jensen shrugged, dragging a finger under his collar as he stared down at Jared's floppy hair.

Blinking a few times, Jared shook his head and tried to clear his vision. "You know where?" He shook his head again and combed a hand through his hair. "Know where you're going?" Using the night stand Jared pushed up and scrubbed at his face. "Gimme five I'll show you. If you want."

Ducking into the bathroom quickly Jared ran the water and brushed his teeth then soaked a wash cloth in hot water before laying it on his face. Racing back out through the door he headed for his closet and tugged his shirt up over his head. "Make sure your shirt is tucked in or they'll bitch at you."

Throwing his shirt on his bed, Jared undid his pants and dropped them before tugging a clean pair off the hanger and stepping into them. "Did I say anything dumb last night? Do I owe any apologies?" His voice was rough and his throat hurt - but that matched the ache in his head.

"You accused me of killing someone. And said I might stab you in your sleep." Jensen said, tone flat as he watched Jared race around the room. His shirt was already tucked in but at least it was good to know how important it was. "And you threw up in my trash can."

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry?" Jared could feel his cheeks start to get a little hot. "I'll clean your garbage can later, we drank, well-" He coughed and pulled a clean shirt on. "I drank too much." Because Jensen couldn’t possibly have figured _that_ out.

"I gathered. And I've cleaned my trash can already." Jensen noted the lack of addressing the killing a person accusation. Maybe Jared wasn't as brave to question him on it without the alcohol in his system. "I have World History first. With Newton? Uh," Jensen glanced down at the paper, reading the room number. "Room 2017A?" He glanced back up at Jared, folding his paper in half and stuffing it in his pocket.

"M'going the same way." Jared grabbed his laptop bag off the desk. "You got a computer?" His jacket was pretty wrinkled where it had fallen on the floor so Jared decided to go without. Trying a half smile he glance over at Jensen. "They might give you grief for your ah-" he waved toward his own ear.

Touching the earring, Jensen shrugged. "They're paying for me to be here. They can give me crap but I'm not taking it out." He pulled the door open, stepping out and waiting in the hall for Jared. "And no, no computer." Jensen glanced behind him at Chad's closed door, praying they'd get out of there before the boy came out - or that he'd already left - because Jensen would rather avoid all further contact with the blond.

"You can borrow mine if you want," Jared was actually feeling quite bad about the night before. "I uh," he locked the door behind them and hiked his bag up on to his shoulder. "Chad told me that you stabbed someone. It was shitty of me to say something about it." Jared looked down and trailed along behind Jensen. "I apologize." It seemed like the least he could do.

"Okay," Jensen nodded and glanced over at Jared as he slowed so their paces matched. He didn't know what to say, how to approach the subject, worried a little that things might swing out of control in just a heartbeat because that's the way it seemed to be going. One minute he thought they might at least be civilized to each other and the next he was shoving him across the room. "How's your head?" Jensen asked quietly, fingers curling into the straps across his shoulder.

"Shitty, but from the sounds of it - I deserve a little pain." Swallowing his nerves, Jared glanced up at Jensen. He actually didn't look like a killer - not that Jared had extensive experience identifying violent offenders. "So, did you?" Maybe he shouldn't have blurted it out but he figured - it was already out there.

Wetting his lips slowly, Jensen looked out across the lawn as they crossed the courtyard; heading for what he assumed was the history wing or whatever. "Did I stab someone?" Jensen asked, clarifying what Jared asked though they both knew it was what he meant. When Jared just kept his head down, Jensen sighed and looked away.

"Yeah. I did." Damn that whole honesty policy, just because lying made him feel uncomfortable and twitchy, and he figured the rumours were out there anyway. "I didn't kill him though. And I wouldn't, you know. Again."

"Oh. Okay." Jared wasn't quite sure whether to be relieved by that or not. "So, you're pretty unlikely to stab me no matter how shitty I am when I'm drunk?" A smile made its way onto Jared's face which was pretty surprising considering the pounding in his head and the queasy rolling in his stomach.

"Are you planning many drunken excursions?" Jensen glanced over Jared's way, slight smile on his face. Maybe they were making their peace. That would be nice; Jensen could use someone on his side here.

Scratching his head, Jared blew out a breath. "The thing is - the way I feel right now I would say no. But I always seem to forget that by the next time Chad offers me a beer. You should come next time. Throw up in _my_ garbage can." Jared nodded his head across the quad and got Jensen on the right path.

"Yeah?" Jensen had never had someone _offer_ to hang out with him before and he smiled a little wider. "Sure. When it's been long enough for you to forget how dead you feel in the morning. And also only on a weekend 'cause I don't think I could work the hangover look quite like you." Jensen laughed softly, trailing after Jared as they entered a new building.

"You're here," Jared gestured toward the large lecture theatre just off the side. "There you go. Most of your classes are in this building and the one we passed on the way in." He shrugged a shoulder and stepped back. "See you in the cafeteria? Lunch time. It's gross, you'll love it." Spinning on his heel Jared took off at a slow jog. If he was late for his first class he'd be in trouble before he actually got up to something.

Smiling at Jared's back, Jensen felt like a little weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Apparently Jared's drunken accusations had cleared the air between them and now Jensen thought he might actually get to have a friend. Maybe even more than one, not that was really interested in Chad as a friend but he'd take it if it meant Jared as a friend too.

-=-=-=-

As it turned out, Jensen's morning classes were easy. It was disappointing. He'd been hoping for something closer to a challenge but so far it didn't seem that way. He was already done with homework from all of them. But he was looking forward to lunch, and the maybe possibility of spending some time with Jared, getting to know him a little. And Chad too if that was the way it had to be.

The cafeteria was pretty easy to find, since all the boys were heading that way. Jensen followed the masses, stood in line and surveyed the choices. It at least looked a little more appealing that what he'd been eating for the last well, far too long. In the end he settled for a bowl of pasta and some bread with butter, smiling when the lady behind the counter offered him a piece of cake. With a large glass of water settled on the tray by his plate Jensen inhaled deeply and turned, scanning the crowd.

In the far corner of the room he could see Jared, head tilted back with the force of his laugh. Chad was sitting beside him and some other guy on the other side of Chad that Jensen didn't know. The seat next to Jared was open though so Jensen looked down only once before squaring his shoulders and heading that way. Chad caught sight of him two steps from the table, head snapping up, eyes narrowed. The guy next to Chad looked up too but Jensen just looked at Jared. "Hey, um, can I sit here?"

Jared's gaze swung round to Jensen and his smile faltered a little before he kicked the chair out beside hm. "Yeah," he turned back to this own tray and fiddled with the discarded sandwich wrapper. Chad had been tormenting him about his roommate's potential to kill him all morning so Jared was a bit nervous about the two boys sitting at the same table.

"Thanks," Jensen smiled and set his tray on the table.

Halfway through shrugging off his backpack Chad coughed loudly. "No way dude. You don't _actually_ think we're gonna let you sit here." A harsh bite of laugh left Chad's lips and he shook his head. "Fuck off you crazy knife wielding freak."

Jensen's shoulders tensed and the smile vanished instantly from his lips. "Jared just said-"

"Jared's just being nice because he's scared you might stab him in the middle of the night," Chad interrupted and snapped his gaze to Jared. "Right Jay?" When Jared stayed silent Chad slapped his arm. "Right?"

Jumping slightly at the contact Jared's eyes snapped up to Chad's. Yeah, this is what he was afraid of. "Uh, I don't, I mean, sure." He shrugged and dropped his gaze back to his lunch. Watching the tension in Jensen's fingers out of the corner of his eye made Jared's stomach clench. Smiling, Jared brushed his hair off his forehead and mock-glared at Chad as he punched him in the shoulder.

Disappointment curled thick in Jensen's stomach and he resented himself for getting his hopes up. Without a word he snatched his tray up and turned, not even looking around the cafeteria as he walked away. He could hear Chad call out, "not so tough huh?" followed by a round of laughter. Jensen just hoped Jared wasn't laughing too because that would make him feel even worse. He didn't turn back to look though, just to be safe.

In the end Jensen spotted an empty table on the other side of the cafeteria and kept his back to Jared and his table. No one joined him - he wasn't surprised though it probably was a bad sign if even the least unpopular kids in the school avoided him. Clearly the rumor had spread through everyone and Jensen's fate at Winston Arms was sealed.


	2. Chapter 2

"So I know I said it last year but, Collins? I swear he smokes pot on his breaks. The dude is as fucked up as a polar bear." Chad dropped heavily onto his bed, slinging his backpack across the room. When Jared didn't say anything, his eyes drifted that way. "Did you hear me? Hello? Padalecki, return to earth, there's pretty girls and beer here."

"Yeah, _Jesus_ \- Chad - I had a shitty night last night." Jared's mind had been wandering all day, he still had a headache. The fact that classes were over and he was in Chad's room just meant that going back to his _own_ room and facing Jensen was looming in his immediate future. He wasn't looking forward to that. "You can be such a dick, Chad."

Slumping down into Chad's desk chair Jared dropped his backpack on the floor and picked up a magazine. Of course, it was porn. Jared tossed it back on the desktop. "So, Chad. Seriously - you maybe shouldn't piss Jensen off when I still have to live with the guy." Crossing his arms across his chest Jared tried to relax a little because, Jesus, he was vibrating. The problem was he felt a bit guilty about the way he'd behaved toward Jensen at lunch time but on the other hand, Chad was his friend.

"Man, are we still on this freak?" Chad sighed and shook his head, rolling across the bed to snag his backpack once more. "Look if anything I pissed him off and he'll just want to stab me. You should be grateful; I may have just saved your life."

Dropping a few books on his bag Chad snorted and looked back up at his friend. "Did you get a hold of your dad yet? I'm sure he'd flip shit and find a way to move you if he knew you were living with a psycho."

"I'd probably have better luck getting a call through to the Pope." Jared had called on each break between classes and sent his father five or six text messages; so far there had been no response. Jared knew his father and he was pretty sure that there was nothing in Jensen's past that his father couldn't find out. The hard part was just getting him to look.

Sighing, Jared leaned back in the chair. "Just lay off the guy, okay? I gotta live with him, and leave him in my room with my shit while I'm out. Don't want my computer fucked up or something." Glaring up at Chad he raised his eyebrows when he noticed the stubborn set to his friend's jaw. "Okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I won't pick any unnecessary fights." Chad waved a dismissive hand at Jared, flipping open his math book. "Seriously though, what was with him at lunch? Why the hell did he think he could actually sit with us?"

"Maybe he was just trying _not_ to be a dick like you." Jared leaned down and picked up his backpack. "You gonna do your homework? What's the occasion?" Chad was pretty good at finding ways to avoid homework unless it was absolutely necessary.

Snorting, Chad flipped his notebook open and grabbed a pencil. "Dad said if I get at least two A's this year he'll let me spend half the summer on the exotic island of my choice." Chad's eyes were wide and shiny as he looked up at his friend once more. "One word. Bikini's. Fuck yeah. Hey you should come."

Barking out a laugh, Jared stood up. "I _knew_ there had to be a reason. Exotic Island? Seriously? You know they won't have internet there right? No porn for you." Jared shook his head. "Don't hurt yourself studying - pace yourself - you're unaccustomed to thinking, Chad." Grinning he ducked as a pencil flew past his head.

"Dude, I'm gonna be _living_ porn. I don't need to watch it." Chad glanced over at the empty bed and gestured that way. "You wanna do some homework here? Maybe the freak will be asleep when you go back. Mike said he'd be out late. Think he's got a girlfriend stashed secret somewhere."

"Nah," Jared rubbed at his eyes, "I need sleep man. I'm bagged. You're hard on my system." The summer had passed without much excitement for Jared - certainly without much drinking. Yanking the door open he headed down the hall, half-hoping the room would be empty.

His hand actually hesitated on the door handle. Seriously. It was half _his_ room. It wasn't like the guy had any reason to be pissed at him, really. Well, okay maybe a little but still. Sighing, Jared pushed the door open.

Jensen was sitting on his bed surrounded by school books. Keeping his eyes down, Jared headed over to his side of the room after closing the door. "How was your first day? Lots of homework?" He dropped his backpack and kicked off his shoes before sinking down onto his bed.

The tense line of Jensen’s shoulders returned with the opening of the door but he kept his gaze resolutely fixed down. Jared had made it pretty clear how things were going to be at lunch and he wasn't getting his hopes up again. "It was fine and no. I'm done with my homework." He was getting a head start on reading for classes the next day but he didn't tell Jared that. No reason to add fuel to the fire of him being teased.

"So," Jared shuffled his socked feet on the floor in front of him, "did you meet anyone in your classes?" He grimaced, remarking how much he sounded like his mother. Pressing his lips together he finally raised his eyes and looked over at his roommate.

Eyes still fixed on his English book Jensen laughed humourlessly. "Oh yeah. Let's see, there was some blond guy in math, he dropped his pencil and I picked it up to offer it to him. Of course then he stuttered 'oh you can keep it' before running off to his friends. And I spent the half hour before dinner washing soda from my hair because some other kid dumped it on me then dared me to stab him. So. You can say I met some people." Jensen glanced over at his stained uniformed before looking back at his book. "Speaking of, how do we do laundry here?"

That didn't make Jared feel any better. Actually, it made him feel pretty shitty. "There's, uh, a laundry room at the far end of the hall by the exit." He rubbed at his eyes. "Listen, about lunch, Chad's not nearly as much of a dick as he seems. I mean I could have said-"

"Jared," Jensen interrupted the boy, finally looking up to meet his eyes for the first time since he'd come into the room. "I get it. I won't try and befriend you and yours again alright? I'm not going to stab you in your sleep, I'm not going to destroy you room or whatever. I just want to get an education so I don't-" Jensen cut himself off this time and sighed shakily, looking back down at his books. "So, you don't have to apologize or whatever. It's fine." It wasn't, not really at all but the sooner Jensen accepted that he wasn't going to have friends here the better it would be.

"Oh." Shifting back a little further on his bed Jared glanced over at his computer. "You wanna use my computer? There's wireless here - it's all connected." He shrugged and looked over at Jensen. "You know, I'm not really like Chad. We've been friends a long time, back since we were kids so I guess we just do stupid shit 'cause well, we're too comfortable with each other. Or something." He scratched at his head.

Jensen frowned down at his book, reading the same paragraph for the fourth time in a row. "There are ways to be like someone without saying the same things they do." Jensen said quietly, grabbing his notebook and flipping to a new page. "Some things can be just as hurtful."

Jensen glanced over at Jared, to his computer than back down. "I'm good. About using the computer, I mean. Thanks though." Jensen didn't have any of those social network things people had, wouldn't even know the point of having one and without an email, it seemed pointless to borrow Jared's things.

"I didn't say anything," Jared murmured. Maybe he _should_ have said something but he'd known Chad for a long damn time.

"Yeah, I know." Jensen's head bobbed in a slight nod and he flipped his book closed. "I said it was okay right?" He shifted to the side to set his books down on the ground.

"Is that how things are gonna be then? We just don't talk to each other?" Jared pulled his feet up on the bed and crossed his legs. So far the whole roommate thing wasn't working out so well.

Glancing over at Jared, Jensen frowned slightly, confused. "I didn't think. God. I just want you to stop half ass apologizing for your douche bag friend and this whole, half ass friendship thing. Do you need some sort of absolution? I forgive you Jared, for sticking with the friend you've had your whole life."

Jensen turned away, closing his eyes as color rose along his cheeks. He felt stupid for his outburst and the obvious inability to control the flow of words from his lips. Jared just couldn't understand and Jensen didn't know how to explain it.

Blinking for a few moments, Jared raised his eyebrows and sat back against the wall. "Well. Okay then. No half-assed friendship and no more apologies. So, uh, yeah - fuck you too." Kicking his legs up on to the bed Jared lay down on his stomach and turned his face to the wall. For some reason he couldn't quite fathom - he was a little hurt by Jensen's words. There might be a little truth to it - but the guy hardly knew him and he certainly didn't know Chad. Chad had his moment of pure idiocy, sure, but he could be pretty cool when his friends needed him.

"Jared," Jensen nearly whispered the name and tried to think of something right to say. Coming up with nothing, Jensen simply sighed and rolled to the side dropping his notebook on his night stand. What could he say anyway? It wouldn't really matter. Jensen reached out to turn his lamp off before climbing under his blankets and squeezing his eyes shut. He kind of hated this place, just a little.

-=-=-=-

The line between Jared and himself was so clearly drawn in the morning Jensen didn't bother waiting for Jared to make a point that he wasn't walking with him to class. He woke early once more, showered and dressed. Just as he was putting his books in his bag Jared woke. Jensen told himself it wasn't in the least bit upsetting that Jared didn't even say good morning and he left while the boy was still in the bathroom. It was going to be a really long year. How did you live in the same room with a person for nine months without saying a single word to them? Even at juvi he'd been on at least speaking terms with his roomie.

Jensen regretted the things he'd said the night before but some part of him _wanted_ Jared to hurt. He wanted to the boy to get a taste of his own medicine, to learn a little about how it felt to be disappointed by someone. In the long run it didn't seem to matter. Jared came into the cafeteria with Chad, laughing already, shoving at each other as if life could never be better and Jensen couldn't force himself to finish his Frosted Flakes.

People in his round of classes his second day at school were just about as friendly as they had been the day before which really wasn't saying much. Jensen was late to his first class and came in to find all the desks empty but one. Just as the teacher was coming in - Mrs. Colgate who had weirdly blue hair as if her name was suggestive to her actually being toothpaste related - Jensen hurried to take his seat. And he didn't learn until after the lesson was done that the only reason that one particular chair was open had to do with the three large wads of gum the other students had obviously placed across the seat.

Jensen was late to his second class because he had to run back to the dorm room to get a fresh pair of pants. At this rate he'd have to do laundry that night. Because he was late the Chemistry teacher - Mr. Bjork who was freakishly tall and looked similar to a giraffe - made him stand up front and read the first chapter from their book. Every time he looked up someone was making some finger gesture toward him, jacking off or slitting their throat or a gun to their head. Obviously the rumour of him stabbing someone must have been diluted by the fact that he was kind of a pussy. He wasn't, not at all really, but he was smart.

If Jensen fought back all these kids had to do was call foul. Sure Winston Arms was willing to pay for him to go there but if a few of these rich kids shared his history with their parents, Jensen was willing to bet he'd be out of there in a heartbeat. After all, it wasn't as if _their_ child could actually do wrong. Jensen could very easily become the scapegoat of any fight and the only option for him if not here was back in juvi. There were just some sacrifices that were worth being made.

At lunch a group of kids seemed to make it their personal duty to drive him crazy. They followed him from one table to the next and just as he was about to sit they Farloned forward and claimed all the chairs. Jensen allowed it through five different tables before spinning on his heels and stalking out of the cafeteria, dumping his tray of food along the way. Laughter echoed out of the large room as he stepped outside and bolted across the quad, taking refuge in a hallway as far away as possible. He slumped against wall, eyes closed, considering the possibility that these kids _wanted_ him to stab someone.

"They'll get over it you know." A soft voice said from across the hall and Jensen opened his eyes to find familiar blue eyes watching him. "Pretty soon you'll be old news and they won't torment you."

"No, then I'll just be invisible." Jensen breathed, staring at Mr. Collins until he became too unnerved by the warm smile. "Do they do this to all the new kids?"

"That's just the thing; there hardly ever are new kids. Most come in as freshman. So maybe they've been storing it up." Mr. Collins, Misha, Jensen thought but the guy was a teacher and it would be too weird to call him that, leaned against the wall beside him. "So, gum on the pants?"

"You heard about that?" Jensen flushed, staring hard down at the ground.

"Janine said your ass was splashed with blue and spearmint green." Mr. Collins chuckled softly and looked toward Jensen. "Mrs. Colgate. And, sorry. I'm not laughing at you, it's more the idea."

Jensen wouldn't blame Mr. Collins for laughing at him, he was kind of pathetic. "I just wish I could retaliate. I know this great mixture I could put in the soup at dinner that would really just..." Jensen glanced back at the teacher and shrugged. "I won't."

"Well, think I'll pass on the soup for dinner." The teacher continued to laugh until they fell into silence for a few moments. "Are you and Jared getting along?"

"Does everyone in this school know about everyone else?" Jensen couldn't help asking, wishing he felt a little less like he was an unwilling open book.

"Basically. If you utter the words or do the motions, people are going to find out."

With a frown Jensen turned his gaze back to the floor and slowly shook his head. "No, I don't think Jared likes me very much. Chad definitely doesn't."

"Ah yes, those two are close," Mr. Collins sighed softly and lifted a hand to rest on Jensen's shoulder. "Jared's not a bad guy. I don't think he'll do anything in your own room so you can at least know you're safe there."

Jensen thought Mr. Collins should be smart enough to know that Chad could very easily come in the room with Jared, and put things in his bed or _god_ , touch the few things he had. It made Jensen want to run back to the room and snatch up his picture frame for safe keeping. "And to think, all this just because I'm new. I can't even imagine what they'd do if they knew I was-" Jensen was quite possibly desperate for someone to talk to, his eyes widened as he looked at the teacher.

Various expressions filtered across the man's face slow enough to be decipherable. Confusion, understanding as he put it together, mild surprise, and then a pleasant warmth. As if he was just willing to accept that along with everything else about Jensen. "Hey, why don't you come in my classroom? I'll share my sandwich."

A small smile turned Jensen's lips up and he nodded, following him down the hall. "Would people freak out if they knew?" He asked quietly, the word _gay_ still lingering in the air between them.

"It's probably better if you keep it to yourself." Mr. Collins murmured and pulled the classroom door at the end of the hall open. "I hope you like peanut butter and banana, it's my favourite."

-=-=-=-

As it turned out, Mr. Collins was right. After a week or so of various means of juvenile torture - including tennis shoes full of sand before his first gym class and a healthy slew of nicknames ranging from freak to psycho – the other students seemed to get bored - likely because Jensen wasn't rising to the bait.

The teachers turned a blind eye to their students mocking but Jensen wasn't foolish enough to think it extended to him. He took to eating lunch with Mr. Collins and ignoring the fresh round of names it brought - teacher's pet and pot head, which he really didn't get but suspected it had something to do with Chad since the kid cackled the first time he heard someone else call Jensen the name.

Things with Jared were about the same, the boy seemed to avoid the room at all costs so Jensen spent most of the time alone. All of his time really. As a result he was caught up in all of his classes and ahead in most and Jensen thought, if anything, at least he'd have good grades. And maybe he could have been okay with everything happening around him if he didn't start dreaming about his roommate in very inappropriate ways.

It all started because Jensen happened to walk in on the boy on Friday, completely naked. He was changing for some party or something and Jensen had to force himself to look away before it could get awkward. He'd already acknowledged the fact that Jared was hot, but it was one of those things you just accepted and moved on from because the potential there was absolute zero and Jensen couldn't exert extra energy into a pointless crush on a guy who wasn't speaking to him.

Jensen had left the room as quickly as he came and hidden away in the library until it closed, getting almost instantly hard the minute he thought about the tan expanse of flesh, Jared's dick that was long even when he wasn't really hard at all which only meant he was _big_. And unfortunately Jensen's over active imagination was too good. That night he couldn't resist touching himself, desperately trying not to think about his roommate while he did. It didn't work and afterward Jensen felt guilty and tight, like someone was trying to squeeze something in his chest until he burst.

The following day, Saturday, Jensen didn't know what to do. Juniors and seniors were allowed off campus but he had no car and no one to go with and no money to spend. And he kept thinking about Jared and the fact that he hadn't come back to the room the night before. Jensen wondered if he'd steer clear of the room all weekend. He supposed it didn't matter but it still kind of hurt.

In the end Jensen wasted away most of the day walking the full length of the campus, familiarizing himself with different locations, walking slowly so the time would hopefully pass quickly. When he returned to the room after dinner there was a tie on the door and Jensen hesitated. Just long enough to hear a moan inside the room before he turned and bolted. For one, he didn't need to hear Jared moaning, it would only add to his fantasies, and two, he _really_ didn't want to think about Jared having sex with some girl in their dorm room.

Jensen considering going to hunt down Mr. Collins but he wasn't even sure if the teachers lived on campus or in the town. In the end he curled up with a book in the library, falling asleep on the chair until the annoyed librarian shook him awake and sent him back to his room. The tie was still there when Jensen returned and he sighed, turning, trying to decide where he could hide out for awhile longer. Of course then the door opened revealing a boxer clad Jared and some short, dark haired girl wearing a plaid pleated skirt and a tight button shirt.

Standing there across the hall, half in the shadows, Jensen couldn't force himself not to watch as Jared pulled her close, dipped in and kissed her hard on the mouth. Something fizzled in his chest, flared for just a moment then died.

Jensen was _jealous_ , of the girl who was maybe Jared's girlfriend or maybe just Jared's fling for the weekend. When she stepped back she giggled, whispered something Jensen couldn't hear before turning and darting off down the hall.

Jensen watched her go but when he looked back at the door Jared was watching him, eyes narrowed slightly like he _knew_ that Jensen had just been thinking about being pressed up against Jared's body. For a long moment they simply stared at each other before Jared turned and walked back into the room, leaving the door open. Inside it smelled like sex and Jensen frowned, keeping his back to Jared as he slipped out of his own clothes down to his boxers and climbed into bed.

Twice Jared inhaled, holding it and Jensen waited too, thinking Jared might actually say something to him. Neither times he did and Jensen wished he was just a bit stronger so he could break that barrier. Of course there was the very real possibility that it was already too late for them but, he still kind of wanted to try. That night he dreamed about Jared over him, making his body curve in the way that girl's had into him. He dreamed of Jared's lips spreading across his skin, heat and intensity flaring through him. Then he woke to Jared's hissed, "shut up," because apparently he'd been moaning out loud and he threw the pillow back at him, only pausing for a moment to breathe in his scent.

It was as warm and musky as it had been in his dream and Jensen rolled onto his side away from the boy, away from the thoughts. This was turning out to be worse than he'd first thought. Because now it wasn't bad enough that he had no friends, that he was the brunt of every joke, that he was lonelier than he'd ever been in his entire life, he had to have a crush on his straight roommate who's last four words to him had consisted of _shut up_ and _fuck you_. And, at the most random of time, Jensen thought about the handful of letters he'd already written to his sister while here. He wished he knew her address, so he could send them. Jensen missed his sister, and he kind of hated his life.

-=-=-=-

"I have, a problem." Jensen said quietly over lunch the following Friday. Mr. Collins was eating tofu from a plastic container and spontaneously throwing random colors of paint onto the canvas. He only glanced toward Jensen before waving him on, encouraging him to continue. "I like someone."

"Oh?" Mr. Collins looked toward him with a smile, head tilting to the side.

"He doesn't like me. I mean, obviously. And I probably shouldn't. No. I know I shouldn't. He doesn't like me. Not even as a friend. It's pretty stupid and I wish I could just stop liking him but I just, I just keep thinking about him. And dreaming. _God_ the dreams. All this stuff keeps flaring up in my mind and I can't ignore it, Mr. Collins and I-"

"Jensen," Mr. Collins interrupted him, squeezing at his shoulder. "Getting a crush on your roommate, it's not that uncommon."

A while ago Jensen stopped asking how Mr. Collins knew the things he did, it just seemed to be his thing. "I never had a crush on anyone in juvi."

"No, I wouldn't think so. This isn't juvi though huh? And Jared's probably better looking than anyone there."

"Are you supposed to be calling students good looking?" Jensen arched an eyebrow, looking up at him with a small smile. "Think I'll get over it?"

"Maybe, after awhile. You should probably start working on it."

That was true logic there but Jensen couldn't shake the thoughts from his mind. That's just how it went he supposed. He went through his afternoon classes with thoughts spinning through his mind. Of course that all went pretty quick out the window when Sophia turned up and asked Jensen to accompany him to the Principal's office.

-=-=-=-

"How is school going for you Jensen?" Principal Farlon folded his arms on the desk in front of him, giving that look adults usually gave when they were trying to seem sympathetic and understanding.

Jensen was pretty damn familiar with that look. "It's, um, it's easy, sir. Thank you."

The man laughed, loud and drawn out and Jensen shifted uncomfortably on his chair. "Well, I've seen your grades. You're doing better than most of our seniors, and all of your teachers agree."

"Thank you?" Jensen tried again, slight frown on his face. "Am I... sir. Did I do something wrong?"

This time the man frowned and Jensen shifted back once more. "No. Of course not. Jensen, we just thought, maybe you'd be more comfortable in advanced classes."

"Advanced? Would I, do I have to move?" Jensen wanted to pull back the words as soon as he'd said them because they came with the suggestion that he didn't want to leave Jared's room and while that was true, he didn't really want to admit it out loud to anyone.

The man was laughing again and Jensen vaguely wondered if he was just acted like that all the time. Concerned Principal and amused old guy. "No, no. We'd just, skip you up a grade. This way you could be done with your schooling this year. You'll have to take a few tests, pass out of a few classes but it should be an easy enough switch. Your subjects would be a little harder and maybe you'd feel it was more of a challenge. After all, a challenged student is a busy student and a busy student is much less likely to get in trouble."

This came with the suggestion that Jensen was going to be getting into trouble now, without these challenging classes but... that was probably his reputation giving him a name he didn't have. Jensen really wasn't much of a trouble maker. "Um, sure? Yeah, I mean, I'd like to graduate this year. And I don't mind working harder."

"Good, good. We'll get it all arranged. Monday you'll start your new classes and so, hmm," the Principal peered down at his book on his desk, scribbling a few notes before continuing. "Go ahead and head back to your class now. Stop by the office on Sunday, we'll give you the new books."

Jensen left the office in a bit of a daze. He didn't know what it meant, skipping a year of school, advancing to Jared's grade. Would he have classes with him? Would this just give the other kids more reason to make fun of him? Probably. But at least he wouldn't have to go through this for another year.

Now he just had to brace himself for another weekend, and all through his last World History class he ignored the part of him that hoped Jared wouldn't bring another girl home the following day. It was, hopefully, not too much to ask. Another round of good luck would be great.

-=-=-=-

Jared hadn't intended to get drunk but he was a little bit bored with Rebecca. She was okay and all, quite eager when it came to sex but she had the personality of a sea sponge. It actually made Jared feel a little bad for sleeping with her. A _little_ bad. Bad enough that he didn't want to do it again, at least not when there was drinking to be done with Chad.

There was an additional problem with having sex - it meant dealing with the presence of Jensen. Jared had grown to hate being in his own room. The tension between he and his roommate hung in the air - thick and strangling - he hated it. And now that he kept catching Jensen looking at him - he was afraid the other boy would try and _make friends_ again. Life was easier if they ignored each other.

Jensen seemed to manage to keep himself busy but Jared was only there to change and sleep. Whenever Chad wasn't busy with his latest conquest or Mike _was_ \- Jared would crash in their room. Basically, it sucked.

So by midnight, drunk enough to be cocky and sober enough to still walk in a semi-straight line, Jared headed down the hall. It was half _his_ room, he had a right to be there and _not_ feel uncomfortable. Jared hadn't done anything wrong. He'd tried to make friends, it hadn't gone well - but this whole _ignoring each other_ thing was making him feel a bit like he was being punished and _that_ felt too much like being back at home. One of the only good things about being away at school was having the freedom to come and go when he felt like it and being comfortable. There was no way he was going to let Jensen take that away from him.

He could see light seeping out from under their door so he knew Jensen was up. Fumbling with the door handle for a few moments Jared swore softly then managed to get it open. "You and I gotta talk," he blurted out.

"Oh fun. Drunk Jared." Jensen grumbled, not looking up from his notebook no matter how much he _wanted_ too. And he hated himself for wanting too. Sometimes all of this tension and crazy silence between them made Jensen wanted to act out just so they'd move him. Maybe they had some bad kid room or something, like a closet with a bed that he could just stash away in. The door was still open and Jensen sighed. "If you don't want to get busted being drunk, you should probably close that."

Jared aimed a kick at the door then locked it. Hesitating a couple of seconds Jared headed straight for Jensen's bed and sank down onto the edge of it. "This is shit," he mumbled, "this whole ignoring each other thing. I hate even coming back here sometimes." Except that he _did_ keep coming back. Truthfully - he'd even given up trying to reach his dad to try and force a roommate change and he really didn't have much of an explanation for that.

Frowning because of the churning in his stomach, Jensen slowly lifted his pen and set his notebook on the bed pulling his legs up to his chest. "I'm sorry. I've been trying to give you your space. I just, I don't really have anywhere else to go." He wished he did. In the two weeks that he'd been at this school Jensen had learned that being friendless meant a lot of silence. "What do you want me to do?"

"Why do we hate each other?" It had seemed like a simple question in Jared's head but once it was out there he felt kind of like it was opening a huge nasty bag of worms.

Jensen was still trying to adjust to Jared on his bed, trying to ignore that there was anything to adjust too about that fact. So the words settled somewhere in the pit of his stomach, adding to the churning and Jensen sighed. "I don't hate you. Can't say why you hate me." He shrugged slightly, picking at the blanket, forcing himself to be distracted.

"Oh." Jared pushed his hair off his face and groaned. "Why do I drink with Chad?" Pulling his leg up onto the bed he turned slightly and stared up at Jensen. "You don't like me and Chad very much." Tilting his head he caught a glimpse of Jensen's handwriting in the notebook he was holding and snatched it out of his hands to flip through it. "What you writing in here?"

"Another great mystery," Jensen muttered and looked up. "The drinking with Chad. And I don't like Chad; you're not included in that." Jensen glanced over at his notebook and frowned once more. "I'm writing a letter to my sister." She won't get it. Jensen added silently and looked back at Jared. "So why don't you like me?"

"You have nice handwriting." Jared smoothed his hand down the page and closed the notebook. It felt too much like he was invading Jensen's privacy. It was kind of sad that Jared didn't even know his roommate well enough to tease him. Dragging his gaze up to Jensen's face he smiled. "I don't hate you. You-" he thought for a few moments. "You got mad at me about the lunch thing. 'Cause I didn't get all knight-in-shining-armour and defend you, I guess. But, Chad's like my best friend and stuff and you kind of freak me out a little."

"I didn't get mad at you. I was just disappointed because I thought maybe you'd be different from everyone else here." Jensen stared up at Jared, thinking he was certainly a lot less drunk than he had been last time he turned up this way. "I'm not asking you for anything. I never have right? I get that I'm not, I'm just," Jensen sighed deeply and looked away. He hated that Jared could make him feel like this, all twisted and churned inside. "Chad doesn't like me. Doesn't want to be my friend. And since he's your best friend what's the point in us even trying right?"

"I'm not a complete douche bag." Jared slapped the notebook against Jensen's chest and kicked his shoes off so he could lie down on his roommate’s bed. "Shove over."

Frowning once more Jensen slid across the mattress and hesitated for a moment as Jared snatched one of his pillows and made himself comfortable. Laying side by side with Jared on _his_ bed was just, too much. Maybe. He rolled onto his side, facing the man and scooting to the side, giving a suitable amount of space between them. Jensen stared at Jared's chest rising and falling with each breath then closed his eyes. "I never said you were a complete douche bag. Or any sort of one really." Jensen could smell Jared and alcohol, it made him uncomfortable.

"What's the deal with your sister anyway? Will I get to meet her?" Jared grinned. "I'll be all charming and nice - perfect gentleman." Jared was good at that, growing up with his parents he'd been paraded about from the time he could walk. Dress nicely, put on a suit and tie and look handsome. He thought briefly about rolling over to pick up the photo and have a second look but remembered that Jensen didn't like that much last time.

"No. You won't." Jensen said quietly, not sharp as if he were telling Jared he wasn't allowed too. "I don't know where she is." Jensen flopped onto his back, eyes still closed.

"Why not?" Jared fumbled around with the pillow and got a bit more comfy. Jensen smelled good, clean and fresh like he'd just washed all his clothes or something. "Where is she?" He frowned slightly, weird, losing track of family. Jared couldn't wait to get _rid_ of his parents - but they were pretty much stuck to him like glue.

"I don't _know_ where she is," Jensen repeated and opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling. "Some, house. Somewhere." Agitation was beginning to crawl along his system and Jensen shifted on the mattress, trying to settle the unpleasant itch.

"A house? Why can't you phone her? My Dad can find anyone," Jared pushed up onto his elbow and dizziness washed over him. "Oh, head rush," he fell forward a little and caught himself with a hand on Jensen's chest. Strangely enough, as soon as his vision stopped swimming he realized his palm was square over the nipple ring he _knew_ Jensen had. "Can I see it?" Leaning back, vaguely aware that they'd been talking about something else, Jared curled his fingers under the hem of Jensen's shirt.

"What?" Jensen squeaked, willing himself to move away even though he didn't. His eyes shot to Jared, narrowing. "Why would... why?" Man, was this some new type of torture? Had Chad put Jared up to this? Where they all going to burst in with cameras the minute Jared realized how turned on was just by the boy being this close and _touching_?

"I'm curious, I wanna see." Jared liked the idea of piercings but was honestly too much of a coward when it came to pain to get one himself. He'd never seen a nipple ring before - and okay - likely if he weren't mostly drunk he wouldn't ask - but why not? Keeping his eyes on Jensen's face he grinned and slid the boy's shirt further up over his stomach. When Jensen didn't stop him he pushed it the rest of the way up and looked down.

"Whoa, did it hurt?" Jared slid his hand down a little, resting it over Jensen's heart.

Swallowing thickly, Jensen tried not to make any noise that might give away how he was feeling at that moment. "Um. Yes. A little, not too bad." Truthfully Jensen had just done it on a whim and it stuck, he liked the idea of how it could feel some day in the future - with someone - and now Jared's hand was _way_ too close. "Jared, you're drunk." He breathed, reminding the boy in case he forgot or something.

"I know." Jared's eyes widened and he smirked at Jensen, "what's that got to do with anything?" Jared's smirk changed into a smile and he lifted his hand to run his finger over the hoop. "I like that," he murmured blinking a little as something a little too close to _heat_ stirred inside him.

Biting down on his bottom lip, Jensen shifted slightly on the mattress, hoping Jared didn't look down and _see_ how turned on he was by this. "Y-you," he stuttered on a breath, a sharp little thrill swirling through him as Jared's finger traced the loop once more. This kind of torture was just, a bit too much. Jensen wasn't sure how to process things or what to do now.

Sliding his arm across Jensen's chest Jared rested his head on the boy's shoulder and yawned. "Why'd you get it? Is it a sex thing? I've heard, well, Chad told me that it makes girl's nipples more sensitive. Never touched one before but I bet it's good when you're," he could feel himself starting to blush. "Is that the same for guys?" Blinking, he studied his roommate’s face, his eyelashes were _really_ freaking long.

Jensen was still waiting for the punch line, heart hammering hard enough in his chest he thought Jared might be able to hear it. "I um, don't know. I've never done, I mean. With the- no one's ever." Jensen closed his eyes, blowing out a low breath and attempting to steady himself.

"You okay, dude?" Jared leaned up on his elbow again and smiled down at his roommate. Jensen's cheeks were flushed, his eyes wide and dark. Just like... "I - do you want me to go? Am I pissing you off?" Jensen absolutely didn't look pissed off but Jared was nowhere near sober enough to process exactly what he did look like.

Also over the past two weeks Jensen had learned that Jared had a killer smile. Of course he'd mostly seen it from afar and he was no where _near_ prepared for how wonderful it would look this close up. "No. Don't, um, you're not. Pissing me off." The air in the room was just cool enough to paint tingling strips of sensation across Jensen's chest and he shifted, reaching up to grab the hem of his shirt.

Jared grabbed Jensen's hand and stopped him. "Don't," he murmured. He swallowed, realizing he was in a bit over his head but then Jensen didn't seem to be minding - or - stopping him. Spreading his fingers wide Jared let his hand slip off Jensen's then ran it slowly down the middle of the boy's chest; he was the more muscular of the two of them. His eyes followed his fingers and he forced his eyes back up to Jensen's face.

Rolling his bottom lip under his teeth he smiled slightly. His mind was a mess of warnings, curiosity, and the thrill of being drunk enough to be uninhibited. Blinking a few times, Jared leaned forward and pressed his lips to the corner of Jensen's mouth.

At this point Jensen had to entertain the very real possibility that this was just _really_ vivid dream. But Jared's lips were solid against the edge of his mouth and he couldn't help turning into him, sliding his lips slowly across Jared's. There would be no denying his actions later; if Jared called him on it then he definitely would be unable to deny the truth. A small, quiet moan left his lips as Jared's hand continued to map along his chest and Jensen closed his eyes, lips sliding across Jared's once more. He wished he had a better grasp on how it had gotten to this because he felt a little like he was drowning suddenly.

It might have been the moan that startled Jared a little; maybe the way that moan sent a shiver down his back. Maybe it was the fact that he was suddenly _very_ aware of the hard-on he was suddenly sporting and the way that a prickle of heat had skittered up his neck and across his chest so quickly he'd sucked in a breath.

 _Jared was kissing a guy._

Really, there probably shouldn't be enough beer to make that a possibility but Jensen's lips were soft and he smelled so fucking good. His muscles were hard under Jared's hand - so different from touching a girl's body. "Ohgod," Jared wrenched himself away, rolled and fell hard onto his knees when the edge of the bed came up too quickly. "M'sorry," he mumbled, shoving his hair off his face and leaning back against Jensen's bed.

One minute Jared was on him, soft lips and the thing Jensen kept dreaming about and then he was just _gone_. Jensen pushed up so he was sitting, covering his lap swiftly with a pillow. "You, um. Why are you sorry?" Jensen felt like everything was ten steps ahead of him and there was no hope for him catching up. He pulled down at his shirt, covering his chest once more; trying not to wish Jared was back up on the bed, lips against his own.

"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, too much beer, and I-" Jared cleared his throat and pushed up off the floor to head over to his own bed. "Yeah, sorry." What the hell was he thinking? Things were barely civil between them, Jensen said a few nice things to him and Jared was kissing him. _Great_. Falling face first down on his bed Jared buried his face in his pillow harboring the vaguest hope that he might suffocate and not have to deal with the fall-out of being a complete and total idiot.

Disappointed that it could so easily be written off as an alcohol related incident, Jensen gazed over at Jared's sprawled out form for a long moment before rolling onto his side. "It's okay," he whispered and curled into a ball, all the previous heat forgotten. Reaching out he turned the lamp off and pulled the pillow Jared had been using into his chest. Squeezing his eyes shut Jensen thought he could still taste Jared on his lips. It was mostly just alcohol, which made him feel worse.


	3. Chapter 3

There were a thousand reasons Jensen wasn't looking forward to walking into his new classroom on Monday morning. The most prominent being the kiss Jared and he had shared. Jensen had woken Sunday morning and left the room before Jared woke up. When he came back later in the day Jared was gone and he hadn't seen him since. But it was odd, like the tension was just lingering in the air without Jared even being there. And now, Jensen had gotten lost trying to find the advanced English class so everyone was already in there. Jensen could already hear the teacher droning on.

Squaring his shoulders, Jensen turned the knob and pushed his way inside. Instant silence weighed over the class but Jensen kept his eyes on the teacher, smiling politely as he offered the piece of paper he'd picked up with his books. The teacher, Miss. Jacobson, signed the sheet and gestured toward the empty chair across the room.

Jensen just barely looked up but he caught sight of Jared sitting in a desk beside Chad. That answered that question, as to when he'd see his roommate. Jensen was at least relieved he was alive since the last twenty four hours had suggested otherwise. He dropped down into his seat and tried to make himself as small as possible.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" Chad whispered to Jared, leaning over into his space as Mrs. Jacobson continued talking.

"How the hell should I know?" Jared could feel the burn on his cheeks already. _God_. The one safe place he'd had was his classes. It was the only time he wasn't constantly checking behind him for Jensen. Glancing over toward his roommate he could see that Jensen didn't look anymore comfortable than he did. "He must have been moved up," he whispered.

"Who the fuck does he think he is?" Chad grumbled, tearing a piece of paper from his notebook. "Fuckin' fag," Chad crumbled the paper into a ball and tossed it in a sailing arc across the room. He snorted when it smacked Jensen against the side of the head.

Jared dropped his eyes the instant Jensen looked up. "Chad, leave it," he whispered. Fag? He wasn't entirely sure where that had come from but it made him feel kind of sick.

"Dude, you spend most of the time hiding out in my room from him. It's time he get taught a lesson." Chad glared toward Jensen, scowling with clenched jaws.

"Boys, enough," Miss. Jacobson snapped, gaze shooting sharp toward Chad and Jared.

Jensen ignored the urge to look back over. This was a stupid idea. He shouldn't have agreed to being pushed up a grade. Already he felt worse than he had in the two weeks previous. Jared had kissed him, and was now back to ignoring him and possibly even worse. He wished he was invisible at this point.

"Dude," Chad started up again once the teacher had resumed her lesson, hand snapping out to slap Jared's chest. "You really gotta call your dad. Maybe you can tell him the freak tried something, like stabbing you or something. Then he'll get kicked out."

"Jesus, Chad. What's your beef with him? Just leave him alone. The guy's barely a blip on your radar, I'm not gonna make shit up." Jared's voice was a strained whisper and he kicked the back of Chad's chair just to make sure his friend was listening.

"What, you like him now? Is that why you're still crashing in our room?" Chad arched his eyebrows daringly at Jared.

"You know you're being a real dick. I'm crashing in your room because we were supposed to be roommates before all this shit started." Jared dropped his gaze back to his desk when Miss Jacobson glanced in their direction. "The hooker was _your_ idea remember? If I hadn't listened to you I wouldn't be in this mess," he hissed.

That was only partially true. The biggest mess was the fact that three beers seemed to suddenly make Jensen sexy - and that was just _far_ too much for Jared to be able to figure out. "If you don't want me crashing there just say so - don't take it out on Jensen."

Chad stared at Jared for a long minute before turning back to the front of the room. Several minutes passed in silence before he huffed. "Jesus, was just tryin' to look out for you. Don't have to such an ass about it."

"I'll spend more time in my room," Jared muttered. Flicking his pen against the spine of his text book for a few moments he sighed. "I'm sorry," he added grudgingly and leaned forward to flick the back of Chad's neck.

Chad half-smiled and Jared knew things would be okay. He just wished he could get the nasty feeling in the pit of his stomach to leave.

-=-=-=-

Jensen had every morning class with Jared and Chad, which didn't really surprise him because his luck was just about that shitty. At lunch he waited outside Mr. Collins' classroom until the teacher showed up with a large box of pizza. Jensen was glad to see it because he hadn't been looking forward to try and make it through the cafeteria to get something and had basically accepted the idea of not eating lunch.

"Hey Mr. Senior," the teacher greeted, handing Jensen the pizza and pulling out his keys. "That's for celebrating."

"I don't suppose it comes with alcohol of any sort?" Jensen tried hopefully and half smiled, the action vanishing when Mr. Collins looked his way.

"Rough day?" The man asked, pushing the door open and leading them inside.

"Rough life," Jensen muttered, trailing after the man across the classroom and dropping heavily into the side chair beside his desk. "Hey can I ask you something?"

"Is this going to be one of those hypothetical situations in which _your friend_ did something or other and he needs advice?" Mr. Collins asked with a quiet laugh, pulling two large bottles of Vitamin water from his bag and offering one to Jensen.

Jensen took it, staring at the man in disbelief. "Can you read minds?"

"Nope, just teenagers." Mr. Collins scrunched up his face and shook his head slowly. "That came out sounding a lot worse than I intended. What's up?"

Jensen pulled at a piece of pizza, considering the dripping cheese for a long moment before looking away. "Jared kissed me this weekend."

The silence that followed was long enough to have Jensen turning to look up at his teacher. "Well, I was preparing for worse so, that's something." Mr. Collins smiled and grabbed his own piece of pizza. "So, he kissed you. And you?"

"Kissed him back. Obviously." Jensen huffed and set the pizza back down. "Then of course he freaked out, apologized, blamed it on being drunk." Eyes shooting back up, Jensen's hands flailed for a moment. "Not that he was, there was um, there was no drinking. He was drunk off, um, Mountain Dew."

Mr. Collins snorted and rolled his eyes. "Relax Jensen; I'm well aware the students drink."

"Really? And you don't do anything about it?" Jensen had some preconceived notions about this school and it seemed like with each passing day they only intensified, this was going to be one of those times.

"Their parents pay us the big bucks for a reason Jensen. We'd rather have them drunk and on campus where we can keep an eye on them." Mr. Collins shrugged and Jensen found himself wondering how someone as cool as Mr. Collins could include himself in the _we_. This school was so rife with walking contradictions it was painful.

Dragging a hand up through his hair Jensen sighed and once more reclaimed his pizza. "That's ridiculous. God I'm so sick of the way this place works."

"This is only week number three kid, thirty seven to go; I wouldn't start loathing it so soon." Mr. Collins smiled almost fondly at him and bit off a large piece of pizza. When he'd swallowed, he continued. "So after the kiss...?"

"He's been avoiding me like the plague. Or, well maybe I avoided him a little too. It's just, he has friends and stuff to go see. I don't really have much of a choice but to sit around the room or in the library. And I think Mrs. Willis hates me." Jensen frowned, picking at the cheese on his pizza.

"Mrs. Willis hates everyone." Mr. Collins waved it off and polished off his piece of pizza. "Have you tried walking around the campus?"

"Several times. And of course, now I have classes with Jared so we're basically stuck together. You should see the looks he keeps giving me. Like I'm, I don't know, a freak I guess. Which, I am so whatever."

Jensen dropped his pizza back in the box once more and sighed, slumping back in his seat. "Do you think they'd let me move rooms? If I asked? I mean, I don't _want_ too but it's pretty clear I'm making Jared's life miserable. I don't know what else to do."

"Jensen," Mr. Collins' voice sounded soft and sincere as he shifted closer, resting a hand on his knee. "Why don't you just talk to him a little? Tell him how you feel-"

"What?! No way! I can't tell him I have a crush-"

" _Not_ that way," the teacher laughed and shook his head. "I just mean tell him you feel like you're making his life miserable. Tell him you want to make it better because you're miserable too and that's not good for either of you. Maybe you can work out some sort of compromise, sort things out."

"And avoid him when he's drinking apparently," Jensen muttered, though truthfully he'd probably do anything to taste Jared's lips again. Mr. Collins' words made a weird sort of sense, they usually did, and Jensen _finally_ reached out for his pizza and actually ate it.

-=-=-=-

Only one of Jensen's afternoon classes was with Jared and Chad but it was alright, he wasn't going to talk to the boy there. Instead he waited in the room once class was up, hoping Jared would come back tonight so they could talk and actually sort things out. He was pretty sure the tension was still going to be there but maybe they could at least come to some agreement to make things more bearable. So he settled in at his desk to do a whole new set of homework, glad for the distraction to pass the time until Jared - hopefully - returned.

-=-=-=-

The day felt far longer than usual. Jared hadn't slept well because he'd passed out at about three am in Chad's room after trying to help him with his math for over three hours. Classes had been boring and he was hungry because he'd missed lunch. Things were just inches from sucking badly enough that he just decided to hurl himself off a bridge of something. Exaggeration, sure, but still.

When he pushed the door open and saw his roommate sitting there at his desk Jared felt the tension flood into his muscles. The problem was he was sort of, maybe, a little glad to see Jensen and wasn't sure why. Deciding it was better not to focus on it he just barged through the door, kicked it shut and went straight over to his desk to throw everything down. "Hey," he muttered.

"Hey," Jensen turned in his chair, looking up at Jared. The guy looked like shit, bags under his eyes and he frowned. "Are you alright? You don't look so good." Jensen pushed up to his feet, fingers curling over the suit coat of his uniform on his chair.

"Tired, m'not sleeping very well. Stressed, whatever." Closing his eyes for a few moments, Jared took a deep breath and turned - smiled - then turned back to his lap top and began fiddling with it.

Still watching Jared's back, Jensen took a small step forward, scratching along his chest. "I think, um, Jared? I think we should talk." He knew this had to happen and it was impossible to say how long Jared would be around.

"Talk?"

Dropping down on his bed, Jensen sighed quietly and shrugged. "I know you're miserable here. In this room I mean. I just want to try and make it better okay?" If they didn't talk about the kiss thing that was probably better, Jensen didn't want to freak him out.

"Okay," Jared swallowed and when Jensen hadn't said anything after a few moments he closed the laptop screen and walked back over to sit on the edge of his bed. "I said I was sorry," he muttered, "about the..." he waved in the general direction of Jensen's bed. It's not like the guy had probably forgotten what Jared did to him.

"I'm not looking for an apology. Jared, I understand if we can't be friends or whatever. I just don't want you to hate being here. I can feel it, it's like, like you _loathe_ me and I don't want it to be that way." Jensen blew out a slow breath, shifting so he was sitting directly across from Jared on his own bed.

"It's not like I would do that all the time. It kind of surprised me, so I didn't want," Jared looked up and then looked away quickly. _God_ , Jensen had a way of looking at him like he just _knew_ stuff that Jared hadn't figure out yet. Thinking carefully about his words, Jared started over. "I don't know why I did that - and it made me feel weird, like that I - I mean if someone did that to me I'd be really freaked out - and you were really cool about it. So - I'm the shit one really." He couldn't stop twisting his hands together in his lap.

Rolling his eyes, Jensen huffed and looked away. "Oh Jesus, Jared you're really not this naive are you?" His eyes fixed on Jared once more and he couldn't help a small laugh. "God, Jared. I'm gay." He exhaled sharply with the word, staring hard at his roommate. "That's why I'm not freaking out; I accepted that a long time ago. So, I'm sorry, for, I mean... look I wasn't trying to do anything and-" Jensen cut himself off, giving up on trying to explain any further.

"Oh." There was something that made a fuck of a lot of sense now that Jensen had said it but at the same time - kind of made Jared's stomach do that nasty swirling thing again. "Okay." Standing he edged his way back to his desk. "So what do we need to talk about then?"

Sinking down into the desk chair Jared dropped his head down into his hands. He had a headache worse than any of the hangovers he'd managed to collect already that school year.

The image of Jared moving away would probably stay with Jensen for a very long time. Whether the boy did it consciously or not it hit Jensen like a sledgehammer to his heart and he looked away, losing all the confidence and words he been building to try and make things better between them. "I'm going to ask if I can move rooms." He said quietly and pushed up to his feet, moving to his own desk because then he could sit with his back to Jared and it would give him time to straighten himself out.

"What?" Jared's head snapped up and he spun round on his chair. "Why? You said it wasn't a problem. What the fuck?" He didn't know whether he was mad at Jensen wanting to be away from him or mad because _he_ hadn't gotten to make the decision. "You're all about the bullshit aren't you?" It was a fact, yeah, because Jensen said one thing and did another and he was _gay_. How had he not thought that was something that Jared should know?

Shoulders tensing, Jensen stared hard down at his desk, fighting against a swell of anger. "You fucking hate me being here, what the hell is the matter with you? You don't _want_ me here so what's the big issue Jared? I thought you'd be happy, _relieved_. Then you can have your room back." Jensen slowly turned, pushing up to his feet so he could momentarily have the advantage.

"I'm not the one who was hiding who he is. How many secrets do you have, Jensen? Is there anything else you're gonna toss at me later?" Jared slid back a little in his chair until the back bumped into the desk.

"You're unbelievable you know that?" Jensen snapped, slowly but surely losing hold of his anger. "Are you seriously getting mad at me for not telling you I'm _gay_? It's not any of your fucking business for one. And _two_. I'm already the fucking freak around here; you think I want to be the fag too? You think I'm stupid enough to pretend like everyone around here is just going to open their arms and accept a queer in their midst?" Jensen hadn't even realized he was walking until he blinked down and found himself peering into Jared's eyes. "You never even gave me the chance, you didn't even try to get to know me so don't get all butt hurt that you don't know _shit_ about me alright?"

"I did try to get to know you; you've been pissed at me since you got here because you've got some chip on your shoulder the size of Mount Rushmore. Look, I don't know what you've been through but it's not _my_ fault so don't beat me up over it." Jared couldn't back up any further and his hand lifted slowly in between them like somehow, he wasn't sure what Jensen would do.

"This is shit. You can't talk to me like this. You wanna go? Fine - but don't make out like it was my idea," Jared launched up out of his chair and found himself half trapped between the heat of Jensen's body and the desk - his eyes darted down to his chair as it rolled slowly across the floor. Panting softly he turned his gaze back to Jensen's, jaw set, eyes wide.

" _God_ ," Jensen spat, eyes wide. "You're so. Fuck you're the most aggravating person I've ever met. Do you even _hear_ what you're saying? I've always been here haven't I? I would have talked to you at _any_ fucking moment if you gave me the time of day. I even came here thinking we could work it out but you're so stuck on what the fuck _ever_ it's like nothing's going to get through your thick skull." Fabric curled between his fingers and Jensen was a little scared that he hadn't even realized he'd grabbed hold of Jared's shirt collar at some point.

They were inches apart, Jared pinned against the desk, and Jensen could feel the heat of his body radiating off him in waves. His eyes slid in sweeping arcs across Jared's features, heart slamming hard in his chest. "God, you fuckin' just, drive me insane," Jensen breathed slowly, almost growling the words. And it was one of those moments were he either stepped back and punched the guy hard in the nose or kissed him. So, he kissed him because that was what he really wanted to do anyway. He pulled Jared hard into him, crushing their lips together.

It was completely not what Jared expected. He wasn't even sure what the hell was going on for a few moments and his hands landed hard against Jensen's chest and shoved. When Jensen didn't let go - Jared's lips parted and his fingers curled into Jensen's shirt.

 _God_ \- he was kissing him again and his body wanted it - even if Jared's mind didn't know what the hell he was doing. A moan broke from his lips and it jolted him back to the reality of everything - this time - he didn't pull away. It felt like Jensen's lips were on fire - and Jared's heart started to race immediately.

The moan that fell from Jared's lips into the kiss pulled a moan from Jensen and he pressed him hard back up against the desk, curling his arms behind him to swipe at Jared's books and push the laptop just enough to the side to make room. It hardly took any strength to get Jared sitting on the desk, pulling him in so their bodies were as flush as possible. His hands tangled up into Jared's hair as his tongue shoved roughly forward, sweeping in slow strokes across the hint of sugar. Jensen blood was racing, mind spinning and he felt like he couldn't get Jared close enough. It was the best, most intense heat he'd ever felt and Jensen sucked greedily at it.

Jared couldn't breathe. He didn't know what to focus on; the way Jensen had just shoved him up on the desk so roughly, the hand gripping his hair almost painfully or the way the heat of Jensen's tongue was suddenly filling Jared's mouth. All his senses were overloaded. Jensen's body pushed forward and Jared eased his legs apart until their bodies couldn't get any closer. _God_ , it was better than kissing some girl, better than what he remembered from when he was drunk and actually brave enough to start something.

Hips rocking forward for just a moment Jensen sucked in sharp through his nose when the heat of Jared's body collided against his own. It was all _so much_ and hit Jensen sharp that he was holding Jared there, savagely attacking his lips. He felt almost dizzy from it all and had no choice put to pull back to suck in quickly, filling his lungs deeply. Jensen didn't want to break the moment though, didn't want Jared pulling away, and didn’t want them to start fighting again. So he dropped his lips to Jared's jaw, sliding across his skin, biting at his neck, fingers tugging along his collar. "Jared," he breathed, not sure why he felt compelled to speak at all.

Jensen had never said Jared's name like that before; thick and rich, deep and the sound set off something inside Jared that just cut through him. "Jensen, I can't-" Twisting slightly, Jared's hand slid down Jensen's arm as he pulled away - mind reeling as adrenaline raced through his veins.

Like the other night, the heat of Jared's body was there one minute and gone the next. Only this time Jensen could very distinctly feel the burn through his system and the painful clench of his heart. "What?" He blinked rapidly to clear the lust in his eyes, shifting uncomfortable in his dress slacks. "I, shit. Shit Jared, I'm sorry," Jensen pulled hands up through his hair, turning his eyes away from the kiss swollen red of Jared's lips, the flush on his face.

"I don't know..." Jared wasn't even sure what he was trying to say. This wasn't him. Not only did he not do things like this sober, he certainly didn't kiss other guys. _Men_.

"Jesus Christ, I gotta get out of here." Jared slid down off the desk and tugged hard at his jacket until it finally came away from the back of the chair. He was shaking so badly he couldn't get his arms in the sleeves and was half way out the door before he glanced back at Jensen. Chest heaving he stood there for a moment hoping that Jensen would say something, _do_ something.

"Please," Jensen half stepped forward, stomach churning unpleasantly at the sharp prick of tears on his eyes. It was unexpected just, Jensen _liked_ Jared and he kept fucking up. He kept doing these stupid things and now he just kissed him and Jared looked for all the world like Jensen had just shaken the living daylights out of him. "Jared... please don't go. I. I won't touch you. I'll just stay over here and, we could just talk. Please?" Beyond Jared, in the hall, he could see people walking by and Jensen turned so none would see the tears threatening to spill. Jensen felt stupid and ashamed, like he'd just forced Jared into something that could seriously damage the guy's psyche.

Jared's gaze was out of focus as he looked back out into the hall. Shaking his head slowly, he stepped back into the room and pushed the door closed quietly. Licking his lips he slid his shoulder along the door until he could fall back into the corner. Finally raising his gaze slightly he stared at Jensen's back silently for a moments. "What?" He swallowed hard, his throat tight and dry. "What do we need to talk about?"

"I'm just tired of feeling like being here is keeping you away." Jensen sighed shakily and didn't move, didn't want to watch Jared skitter away if he got any closer. He was a little concerned he might be sick. "Of course, now I just fucked everything up. It's just, I don't. I have no friends here Jared. Everyone hates me, and, I'm not asking you to be my buddy or whatever. I just think we should both be okay in our own room." Jensen felt a little like he was struggling not to choke on his words and he kept his back to the boy, closing his eyes to will himself back into place.

There were so many emotions ripping through Jared's body he didn't even know what to do with himself. "I don't know what to do," Jared said quietly. How did he even begin to figure out what was going on? The feeling of Jensen's lips was still so strong he could swear the heat was still there. Jared stuffed his hands in his pockets, not wanting to continue to clench his fists at his side. "What do I do?" His voice was small, too soft in the room.

"I don't know," Jensen shrugged and finally shifted so he could drop onto his bed, back still to Jared. "I won't, I promise not to, do that. Again. The um, you know. It was really out of line and I just think you're-" Jensen coughed around the interruption and shook his head. "Would it be easier for you if I spent less time here? Or, um, I mean. I don't hate you, or dislike you in anyway. So you being here, it's never something I mind." Propping his elbows on his thighs Jensen sighed heavily, digging his fingers into his hair.

"Was it bad?" Jared scrubbed a hand over his face.

Snorting a laugh, Jensen couldn't _believe_ Jared asked him that. When he looked back up though, Jared was still looking at him. "You're serious?" He asked in disbelief, shaking his head. "God, Jared. No. It... No. It wasn't bad. Far from it." Jensen really wanted to get a handle of Jared, figure out how he could so easily disarm Jensen without even trying.

"I've never kissed a-" Jared shrugged even though Jensen couldn't see him. "I'm not drunk." It was one of the most pointless things he'd ever said. The only thing that was stopping Jared from leaving was that he didn't know where to go. There was no way he could talk to Chad about something like this. _Fuck_ , he still wasn't even sure what _this_ was.

Blinking a few times, Jared took a few steps away from the wall and sat down on the end of Jensen's bed. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

"For?" Jensen watched him move, slight frown on his face.

"I don't know." Jared's lips twitched into a slight smile. "For not knowing what I'm doing." He lifted a still trembling hand from his lap and curled his fingers over Jensen's wrist. "I don't hate you. Either, I mean."

Closing his eyes slowly, Jensen bit his lip around a sigh. This was difficult. "Sometimes I feel like you just throw me in all sorts of directions all at once. I don't..." Jensen shrugged, eyes fixing down on the fingers around his wrist.

Jared withdrew his hand and stood. It felt like there were all these choices he could make - too many - and he was just stuck. Turning slowly he slid his hand over Jensen's cheek, palm rasping over the stubble on his roommate's cheek. "Okay..." If Jensen had asked him what he was agreeing to he couldn't have told him. It just felt like this was, somehow, his fault. And, maybe it was because he didn't have a fucking clue what he was doing; no clue why he felt the way he did.

His fingers fell away from Jensen's cheek and Jared moved back to the door and pulled it open. "I won't do that again, I'm sor-" he stopped himself from apologizing again before he slipped out the door and closed it behind him.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jensen stared at the door in disbelief, eyes wide. All at once he wanted to punch Jared, slap him hard across the face, or slam him up against the wall and kiss him hard because _god_ it was like nothing he said seemed to be understood. Pushing to his feet, Jensen crossed the room in three quick strides, ready to go out and find Jared because they sure as hell weren't going to get anywhere if this kept cycling around like this. Of course pulling the door open he didn't intend on Jared being right _there_ and he nearly walked into him before stopping. "Oh. I thought you'd be..." Jensen looked down the hall toward Chad's room before looking back at him. "Would you just get back in here so we can have an actual conversation? Please?"

The problem had been that Jared didn't know where to go once he got outside the door. He was exhausted and confused, scared - and he sure as _fuck_ wasn't stupid enough to go and try to talk to Chad about what had happened. Rolling his bottom lip under his teeth, Jared nodded slowly and waited till Jensen turned to follow him back into the room.

Crossing to his bed, Jensen sat slowly and inhaled deeply, holding it for a moment before releasing. "Okay. First of all, how about no apologies okay? Because, you don't have anything to be sorry for. And, I don't want you to feel like you have to be. I _liked_ kissing you," Jensen looked up at Jared, slight frown on his face. "But, I can tell you're kind of freaking out a little bit. And that's okay. I just think, maybe you want to talk about that? Like, what you're feeling right now because maybe it'll help?" Honestly, Jared looked like someone had just given him the most difficult math equation ever and he had no clue where to begin answering it.

Pulling in a deep breath, Jared frowned, opened his mouth then closed it again. A smile flitted on and off his face quickly and he rubbed his hands nervously on the thighs of his pants. "I, uh, I liked that and I don't know what it means. I mean, I know what it means." He rolled his eyes slightly and pressed his thumb and forefinger hard against his eyes. "I was just with a girl last weekend and," he shook his head slowly, eyes widening, "it didn't feel like that - like this - and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with that."

"I know," Jensen mumbled and looked up at Jared. "Sorry. Bad time for jokes. So, you still like girls. And... okay, maybe you like guys too. It's, you know, now-a-days Jared it's not that big of a deal to be bi. Maybe here it seems like it but when you graduate and go do, whatever. Out there? Trust me, there's lots of bisexual people, and gay people. Sure, some places it can still be hard to be out and stuff but hell." Jensen had never needed to have the _gay_ talk with someone and had never been on the receiving end of the talk himself. Everything he learned, he learned with experience and time.

Looking back up at Jared, Jensen smiled softly, sympathetic because he _knew_ the freak out phase. "Look, it's a whole crazy mess to find out you're attractive to guys too. Give yourself some time to get used to it. You don't have to tell anyone, or, anything, okay? You can take some time to figure it out. And later, when the time feels right to tell someone, if it ever does, you'll know yeah?"

"You make it sound easy." Jared huffed out a breath and took a half step toward Jensen's bed before stopping. For some reason he had the crazy urge to just climb into Jensen's bed and stay there. _Hide._ "Holy fuck," he whispered. "I can't tell anyone this. Not ever." His eyes snapped up to Jensen's face, "I mean, if this is what I am - what I like, or do, fuck."

"It won't always be so bad Jared. I mean, really, on the _off_ chance you end up with a guy, what's the worst that can happen? So maybe you lose a few friends, well if they can't accept you they're not really friends anyway. Just be glad you aren't living with some homophobic, abusive step father and an overzealous religious mother." Jensen stared over at Jared, eyes soft around the edges. "Take a few deep breaths and relax for a minute okay?"

"You?" Jared's brow furrowed above wide eyes, "your Dad is abusive?" For some reason that made his chest ache a little - thinking about someone hurting Jensen.

Looking away Jensen frowned, lips thinning out. "Step dad. I never knew my real dad. And he was. He's not any more, obviously." Jensen sighed and slowly shook his head.

"That's not the point. Jared, I _know_ it feels like the end of the world right now but I mean, you're seventeen. And you're crazy if you think this is the only life changing thing that's gonna happen to you. Hell, you're not even the only one in this school who finds guys attractive. You're not even the only one in this _room_. And at least you like girls too." Jensen smiled at Jared, trying to get him to smile in return.

"Can I…" Jared waved his hand toward the bottom of Jensen's bed.

"Yeah," Jensen nodded and forced himself not to move away. Not that he wanted too, he was just a little confused on where exactly things stood with them right now. "So, if you want, I can be like, the one person you can talk to about it? I mean, I've gone through it already. I might be able to answer questions or um, just listen?" Or more, like on the experiencing side but Jensen would wait to suggest that until Jared at least had _something_ sorted out in his mind.

"This is starting to sound like one of those after-school videos." Jared smiled tightly and blew out a breath. "This was supposed to be a great year." He dragged his hand back over his head and leaned forward a little, leaning on his forearms on his thighs.

"So, you-" Jared's eyes darted over to the desk where all his things were still scattered. "You were okay with that - you'd thought about it?"

Turning back to Jensen, he pulled one leg up on the bed between them and fiddled with the cuff of his jeans. Jared had moved through the panic part of shock and was now in the _numb_. It was a better place to be.

"The gay thing?" Jensen asked quietly, a small smile on his face. It made him a little sad that Jared didn't consider this a good year and that he was somehow directly in charge of that.

"No," Jared extended his fingers slowly until the tips of them touched the material of Jensen's pants. "What we did - the, the way, the kissing," he bit down on his bottom lip. "Did you think about it before today?"

"Oh." Jensen wet his lips and blushed slightly. "Well, I may have thought about it." He shrugged and stared down at his shoes. "I mean, I probably shouldn't have just kissed you like that because it's clearly making your mind spin a bit, but I... I'm not complaining about it. It was... hot." Jensen chuckled softly and rubbed at his neck.

"Yeah." There was a twitch in Jared's jaw, it was driving him crazy. His fingers lifted to touch the muscle that was jumping just under his skin. Jared's brow furrowed again and he leaned forward slowly to rest his forehead on Jensen's shoulder. "I feel like I've been awake for four days," he whispered.

Sighing softly Jensen wrapped an arm around his body, squeezing softly. "Jared, I wish I could say something to make it better. Just, with time, it'll be better. You have choices to make and stuff but you don't need to do that all now alright?" He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. "Sorry, after school special again huh?"

It wasn't that Jared never touched guys. He did. He was quite open when it came to hugging his friends, had no inhibitions about lying across Chad, leaning against Mike's back. This, this was different. "So, I guess it's a bad thing that what I really want to do is just lie here... with you, I mean. Something I shouldn't do right?" Sitting up a little Jared studied Jensen's expression for some sort of clue as to what he should do.

"Why not?" Jensen asked quietly, thinking that it actually sounded like a pretty good idea. "I mean, you probably should lock the door because we both know Chad fails at knocking but... I wouldn't mind, if you wanted to lie here with me. No matter what you may think, I do like you Jared. I want... to be your friend." Jensen smiled softly and reached out to tuck loose strands of Jared's hair behind his ear.

Standing up, Jared crossed to the door quickly and threw the bolt. "Let's not mention Chad anymore tonight." Jared pressed his hands flat to the door for a few moments; his palms were sweating, his shirt clinging to the small of his back. Slipping out of his shoes he padded back over to stand in front of Jensen, not having the slightest idea of what to do.

Jensen reached behind him to situate the pillows before laying back, eyes fixed on Jared the entire time. When he was in a place he felt would be comfy for quite some time, he hesitated for just a moment before opening his arms. "C'mon, I'm not going to bite, I swear." Jensen smiled slightly, trying not to fidget.

Kneeling down on the bed Jared stretched out next to Jensen, resting his head back on the other boy's arm. "I'm supposed to be _your_ mentor." Embarrassed, uncomfortable, nervous, Jared shifted restlessly for a few moments. He didn't know what to do with his hands and settled for pulling them in tight against his chest.

"Jared, it's okay you know," Jensen said quietly and curled his arm around him, bringing the other over so he encircled him. "Whoever you are, whatever you prefer or don't prefer, it's okay. Just so you know, I'm going to accept you for you. No matter what." Jensen scrunched his face up slightly as he finished, feeling a bit foolish about his choice of words.

Laughing softly, Jared slid his arm over Jensen's chest. "You should probably stop talking while you're ahead." Shaking his head gently he felt himself relax a little, body folding close to the other boy's. "Will you ever talk about you? What happened while you were growing up?" If Jared tilted his chin up just slightly he could see the tips of Jensen's eye lashes peeking over his cheeks.

"Maybe, sometime," Jensen frowned slightly and squeezed Jared, a little unconsciously. "It's hard to talk about. Safe to say you and I had very different lives." Jensen wiped the frown from his face by taking a moment to quietly observe the fact that he was _holding_ Jared. Talk about a whirlwind half hour. "Was there... something specific you wanted to know?"

"Well, you're a bit younger than me right?" Jared shifted a little closer, trying to do it subtly.

"I'll be seventeen soon, so yeah. A bit. You're almost eighteen?" Pushing his leg forward slightly, Jensen let it rest against Jared's, smile growing slightly on his lips.

"Yeah, but you seem different... like I dunno," Jared's fingers uncurled and he pressed his palm flat against Jensen's chest. He liked that he could feel the rise and fall of each breath.

"You seem older than that, I mean, you're obviously smart right? You got put up to our year. And, your eyes are... well, you know that expression _old soul_?" Jared pressed his lips into a tight smile and let his head fall back down onto Jensen's arm. "Like maybe you've been hurt a lot and you still expect it."

"I think you're one of those creepy people person's who can see a lot about someone with just one look." Jensen teased, probably more as a self defense mechanism. "It's a good thing. And, you're right. I have been... hurt a lot. And I do expect it, almost around every turn because that's how it's been playing out for me." Jensen sighed softly and tilted his head slightly to see Jared a little better.

"That's shitty." Jared slid his hand up Jensen's chest so his fingers could just slide into the open collar of his shirt. Jensen's skin felt hot to the touch, almost like he had a fever. Of course, that could be because Jared was so nervous he could barely feel his own extremities. He was actually pretty sure he was vibrating. "But things must be better now, I mean I don't know what happened to you - but this place isn't all that bad..."

Choking on a laugh, mainly because Jared's hand on his skin was doing _things_ to him, Jensen shook his head. "Jared, they filled my gym shoes with sand. And they put gum on my seat so I got it all over my ass. And not a day goes by when I don't get called a freak or psycho or Juvi. Though, right now? I'm pretty good with this." He smiled softly and half shrugged. "Mr. Collins has been nice; I eat lunch in his room. Other than that... it's been... hard."

"Has it really sucked that much?" Jared hadn't been around Jensen a lot so he hadn't been party to most of what must have happened to him. It kind of made him feel a bit shitty - like maybe things would have been different if Jared _had_ been around more.

"They've been pretty brutal. I mean, I can handle it. I'm pretty sure no one is going to try and kill me here and I don't have to watch my back in the shower. So, that's something." Jensen wet his lips and peered down at Jared. "I'm not like anyone here. I don't have any money, or a name that means anything. It can be hard for people to just accept someone you know?"

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not sure anyone knows me." Jared shrugged a shoulder, fingers slipping up to Jensen's neck. "Everyone just assumes I'm like Chad, or worse, they think I'm just some idiot with money - spoiled - gets my own way all the time. Never had to deal with anything." Jared looked up at his roommate and his lips grazed Jensen's chin. For a moment Jared froze then he smiled and tried to relax again. "Tell me that's not what you thought when you met me."

"I didn't, actually." Jensen's skin tingled slightly and he swallowed. "You didn't exactly give the most welcoming open speech but since I didn't know Chad, I had no way to compare you to him. And I knew you came from money but I also know that means very little. Hell, I did time with Donald Trump's kid for awhile." Jensen snorted and shifted down slightly so Jared and he could see each other eye to eye. "Sometimes it's better to give the benefit of a doubt?"

"Sure," Jared blew out a breath. "So. Now what?" Lips parted, he tilted his head slightly and peered up at Jensen.

Wetting his lips Jensen tried to gather what _now_ meant. "Um, do you mean in general? Or... like, right now?" For some reason he whispered the words, his proximity to Jared too close to allow him to speak louder.

"Right now," Jared closed his eyes for a few moments, "yeah. You know, you can-" Jared closed his mouth and tilted his chin down, staring at the buttons on Jensen's shirt.

"I can?" Jensen asked curiously, wishing he could pick his way through Jared's brain just to know what he was thinking of.

"Well," Jared sighed, "I'm touching you, you're not touching me and it feels weird. Am I doing something wrong?" Jared let his hand slide back down to Jensen's shirt, pad of his finger pressing on the small plastic button.

Smiling softly, Jensen leaned closer so their foreheads could meet. "My arms are around you," he pointed out, pressing his hand into the small of Jared's back for good measure. He slowly slid the fabric against his fingers, letting his nose brush against Jared's. "You're not doing anything wrong," Jensen whispered, closing his eyes so he wouldn't be tempted to stare cross eyed at Jared.

"Okay." Jared was silent for a few minutes, his thoughts nearly giving him whiplash. The kisses, the way Jensen's lips had moved on his so greedily was forefront in his mind - then he thought of the way his friends would look if they found out he'd even _thought_ about being with a guy. It didn't seem wrong - hell - it felt better than the last girl he'd been with - felt like more.

"I mean," Jared's voice was louder than he'd meant it to be and he felt Jensen start slightly. "We could, can I... oh this sucks." Jared rolled over onto his back. "Being with a girl - that's easy, it just happens. I don't even have to do much..." he bit down on his bottom lip for a few moments. "That sounded bad."

The smile faded from Jensen's lips and he pulled back slightly, staring down at Jared. "We don't have to do anything you don't want too. It's okay if you just want to lay here. I mean, I _want_ to kiss you and, yeah. But, if you need time to think or, whatever." Jensen shrugged, wishing he sounded a bit more helpful.

"What if I need you to do it?" Jared blinked, licked his lips and then pressed them together.

"Will you... would that be okay? I just, I don't want to freak you out you know?" Jensen pressed his hand more firm against Jared's back, his silent attempt at comfort.

Jared's eyes moved from Jensen's down to his lips then back up again. Pushing himself up a little Jared closed his eyes just as his lips pressed to the other boy's. His breath left him in a small gasp and he pulled back just enough for their lips to pull apart once more. Jensen's fingers curled harder into his back and Jared arched his spine slightly, tilting his head and finally opening his eyes.

The brief little kiss made Jensen smile softly once more before he shifted closer. "Just... stop me? If it becomes too much?" Jensen whispered into the few inches between them before gently pressing his lips to Jared's once more. For a moment he lingered there, eyes closing, both just waiting. Then his body kicked into gear and his head tilted to the side slightly, lips parting beneath Jared's slowly, savoring the smooth feel of Jared's mouth against his own. Even with the limited kisses so far, Jensen could already tell how easily he could get hooked on them.

Jared fell forward easily suddenly becoming aware that he was lying half across Jensen's body. There was something about touching, even the limited way they were - layers of clothing between them - it felt like something important. Something that sent shivers down Jared's body. Relaxing, letting himself go slightly, he slanted his mouth more to deepen the kiss. Those lips were soft and smooth, silky and hot and Jared's hand slid back up over Jensen's' neck, his cheek and into his hair. Softer than he'd imagined, the strands slid through his fingers.

Every part of Jensen wanted to roll his hips forward, get some friction because Jared made him so _instantly_ hard it was insane. He thought it might be a little too much for Jared though, right now, so he simply kissed him harder, more sure. A moan fell into the kiss and Jensen pulled at the back of Jared's shirt, lifting the material until he could get his hand beneath, fingers splaying wide across his spine. He loved the way Jared kissed, as if he were pouring all his energy into the action, committing his entire being to his moment. Jensen slid his tongue forward, meeting Jared's in a soft glide, pulling the taste back into his mouth to memorize.

Jared chased Jensen's tongue with his own - his breath stuttering almost to a stop as sensation flooded his body. It was like a tingling fire, making him hard, making his heart thud dully against his chest wall. Letting out a deep groan of pleasure Jared rolled further onto Jensen's body lashes fluttering as he let his weight settle on the other boy's body. "Jensen," he murmured, "I - it's..." he swallowed - his words lost somewhere in the heat that was swirling through him.

That noise coming from Jared's mouth sent little flutters of pleasure down through him and Jensen swallowed thickly, completely unprepared for the way his body moved up against Jared's. "Yeah, yeah it's definitely..." There were so many words to fit into that category. Hot, the hottest thing Jensen had ever experienced, and more than a little mind numbing. "Can we just..." Jensen's hand settled along the back of Jared's skull, bringing him in for another long kiss that left his lungs aching and his dick too uncomfortably hard in his pants.

Pulling back before he pushed things any further, Jensen sighed shakily and stared up at Jared, hands sliding through his hair. "Okay. We should, um, probably stop. Just, you know, because we should take things slow but _god_ ," Jensen laughed hoarsely and Jared groaned, dropping his head to Jensen's shoulder. Smiling softly, lips still tingling, Jensen pressed a kiss to Jared's head. So they weren't very good at this but it was okay, Jensen was more then willing to go along for the ride.

-=-=-=-

When Jensen woke in the morning he was stiff and too warm. But it was all okay because the source of the heat was Jared still plastered to his side and that instantly made him smile. They'd spent most of the evening talking, getting to know the superficial things about each other in between gradually extending make out sessions. Jensen was pretty sure they'd fallen asleep kissing and he bit his lip around a smile. They'd reached the conclusion that they needed to take things slow, that Jared should maybe talk to Mr. Collins because the guy was pretty accepting and an adult, and that whatever it was between them, it was something.

"Jared," Jensen whispered, hand stroking through Jared's hair slowly when a few experimental shifts had failed to produce freedom for him. "Jared, I gotta shower," Jensen breathed, laughing softly when the boy mumbled something and squeezed him tighter. Eventually he managed to wiggle free and set about his morning routine with a slight bounce to his step. By the time he was ready it was just after eight and Jared was still curled in his bed, holding the pillow he'd been using. "Hey sleepyhead," Jensen dropped down on the mattress beside Jared, hand unable to resist sliding through silky locks once more. "Time to get up."

"No," Jared grunted. "Come back." His sleep-warm fingers curled around Jensen's wrist and he tried to pull him down. "Haven't slept this good in days." Yawning, he turned into the pillow so Jensen wouldn't have to smell his breath.

Chuckling softly, Jensen knelt on the bed, pressing over Jared when the boy pulled him in harder. "Jared," he groaned, trying to push back. "My clothes are all ironed and everything. Not everyone can work the wrinkled, just rolled out of bed look you've got going." Jensen's hand trailed down Jared's back, pressing firmly into his skin beneath the hem.

Sighing, Jared blinked sleepily at his roommate. "I don't want to go out there." There was a whole lot of stuff waiting outside the door that Jared wasn't quite sure he was ready for yet. It was nice in their room; nice and uncomplicated. He let his fingers curl round the back of Jensen's neck and pulled him down into a soft kiss. "Stay with me," he whispered.

"I have this feeling they'd notice if we both went missing," Jensen murmured and deepened in to press their lips together. "What if I promise we can do this again?" He suggested, eyes closing with the happy little flutter twist in his heart.

"Promise? Tonight?" Jared's eyes opened a little wider and the corners of his lips tugged up into a smile. For some reason, being faced with the concept of _again_ \- made it all seem a little less surreal and a lot more _good_.

"Most definitely tonight." Jensen smiled down at the boy, shifting back so he could drop on his ass. "You can finish telling me the story how you met Chad." Jared had been in the middle of the epic tale when Jensen had gotten a little too distracted at the possibility of kissing. "So you'll come back in here then? When your done hanging out with Chad and Mike?" A flutter of regret washed through him, knowing that he wouldn't be included in the group.

Jared pushed up from the bed and dropped his feet to the floor. "Yeah, about that. Maybe we should-" He felt the color drain from his face when he heard a familiar pounding on the door. Leaping up Jared darted across the room and tore his shirt off to put on a clean one.

"Jared," Chad's voice sounded from the other side of the door.

Jensen glanced toward his roommate and frowned, already knowing where this was going. When it seemed like Jared was going to attempt to get completely ready in the space of a minute or so, Jensen turned and crossed to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open. "Chad," he said quietly, turning to walk back in the room.

"Dude, Jared, why was the door locked? I totally thought you were dead or something," Chad looked over at Jensen for a moment before crossing to Jared, picking at papers on his desk.

"I'm sorry, I was just - I slept in." Jared was yanking a clean pair of pants on, eyes purposely averted from Jensen. "I'm ready, just a sec." His fingers were clumsy but he finally managed to get his pants buttoned and was halfway through pulling on some socks when he realized Jensen was still standing by the door.

Jared _knew_ that he should say something. Just a simple _good-bye_ , _see you later_ , anything... something. But, he didn't. Shoving his feet into his shoes he stood and grabbed his backpack off the floor. "Okay, let's go." Brushing past Jensen he headed out into the hall without even waiting to see if Chad was following.

Somehow even Chad saying, "see ya later freak," didn't make Jensen feel worse than Jared leaving as he did. Jensen frowned, glancing over at his bed. It was still rumpled and he was pretty sure it would smell like Jared if he stopped and knelt to inhale the sheet. He didn't. It just seemed like it would hurt too much and it was already going to be bad enough to sit in the same classroom with the boy and pretend like he wasn't thinking about how soft his lips felt.

With a sigh Jensen left the room, firmly closing the door and locking it behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

Usually, Jared enjoyed art class. It was a chance for him to relax a little and work on something that didn't require the usual amount of concentration. That was a definite plus with the amount of conflict that was spinning around in Jared's mind. In short, he felt like shit. He knew that he shouldn't have bolted from the room that morning; but seeing Chad there and knowing what Chad would think about him and Jensen even _talking_ scared the shit out of Jared.

Jared sat as far away from Jensen as he could in Art. He couldn't stand the way that his roommate just looked like he'd expected Jared to behave the way he was; expected to be ignored as though nothing had changed between them. And, the thing was, everything had changed but Jared just didn't know what to do about it.

He'd never been more stuck by anything in his entire life. Chad made a few attempts at getting Jared to goof off like usual but gave up when Jared told him to _fuck off_ for the third time. Jared knew Chad would just assume he was tired.

When the class was finally over Jared lingered. At first he waited for Chad to get swept up in the outgoing flow of boys, then he waited until Jensen was leaving the room - then he realized he was waiting for the classroom to be empty so he could speak to Mr. Collins. There was only one teacher at the school who might even begin to understand what he was going through and that was _Crazy-Collins._

Wandering up to Mr. Collin's desk, Jared put his back pack down on the floor. "Hey, Mr. Collins? Do you need a hand with anything?" He glanced around the room. "I'm not feeling so good, you think I could like clean up the supplies or something?" Staring down at his backpack it took Jared a few moments to realize there'd been no answer so he looked up to meet the ice blue gaze of his teacher.

"I've got the supplies, what's going on Jared?" Mr. Collins smiled softly at him, leaning against the desk. "You've got desperate plea for help written all over your face." Mr. Collins held up three buckets. "Take these to the sink."

Jared reached out and grabbed the buckets, lugging them over to the sink and running the water. "You know my - Jensen - you know him right?" Jared kept his eyes on the water, running his fingers through it.

"Your Jensen?" Mr. Collins arched an eyebrow, slight smile quirking his lips up.

Heat flaring across his cheeks Jared turned away slightly. "My roommate, he's my roommate."

"I've heard his name around," Mr. Collins chuckled, sorting through a stack of papers on the desk. "Is everything alright?"

"Not really. We-" Jared dropped the bucket in the sink and started. His nerves were raw. Glancing at the still open door to the classroom Jared sighed. "I kissed him," he murmured quietly.

"I've heard that too," Mr. Collins leaned against the counter, staring at Jared with soft eyes. "Did, something more happen?" Mr. Collins glanced across the classroom before walking that way slowly, closing the door.

Nodding slowly Jared finished rinsing the bucket and left it on the counter to drain. "I, well, he was talking to me. He got mad, but I don't think he was really mad and then-" Jared leaned hard on the edge of the sink and let his head fall forward. "He kissed me this time and I think it's good - I mean, I know it's good. _Fuck_... I mean... damn."

Walking back across the classroom, Mr. Collins leaned against the counter and folded his arms across his chest. "This is the first boy you've ever been attracted too?" He asked softly, watching Jared with a look that could only be called understanding. "He did tell you he's gay right? That you aren't the first boy he's been attracted too."

"He told me, wait," Jared turned to look up at Mr. Collins, "he told you that?" Jared decided to ignore the question about being _attracted_ to Jensen. There was something about that phrase that made his world tilt a little and it felt like everything would fall apart.

"Yeah," Mr. Collins nodded slowly, picking at dried paint on his sleeve. "You're going to be late for your next class. Do you maybe want to come back later? I'm more than happy to talk, someone told me once I'm pretty good at the listening thing."

"I guess, if you know about Jensen. Yeah. And me, I mean obviously there's something screwed up with me." Jared back away and darted down to grab his backpack. "I'll come back, are you - you're probably busy. When are you busy? Or... free I guess."

"After classes? Before dinner." Mr. Collins frowned, following Jared across the classroom. "Jared? Why is there something screwed up with you?"

"I just, I don't know what I'm doing and this morning I didn't want Chad to know - that's pretty shitty right? I mean, Jensen's not what people say he is - he's not crazy or that other stuff." Jared was still backing toward the door. "I'll come by later." For some reason Jared's throat was tightening just thinking about how he'd just left the room that morning.

"Yeah," Mr. Collins nodded, watching Jared still. "Hey, it's okay Jared. Things? We'll talk it out." He smiled and half waved Jared out the door. "Now get going before your next teacher reads me the riot act."

"Okay," Jared sighed and grabbed the door handle. "Okay, thanks." Darting out through the door he broke into a jog. The last thing he needed was to be getting in trouble for being late on top of everything else.

-=-=-=-

Jared spent his day in a bit of a haze. After his brief encounter with Mr. Collins his mind got stuck on the man's question: _Why is there something screwed up with you?_

That was certainly the golden question. His thoughts went back to Rebecca the previous weekend. It certainly hadn't sucked. It wasn't like Jared had a ton of experience but still. He'd had enough to know when sex was good. There had been, over the years, a few girls who'd been intrigued enough by Jared to make out with him, Rebecca had been intrigued enough for sex. It wasn't his first time - and probably not the best but he'd thought it was something he liked enough to do again.

Even being _near_ Jensen was totally different.

For one thing, Jared had slept better plastered to Jensen's body that he had alone for weeks. They'd talked about so much, none of it really life altering or anything - but he felt like they'd finally begun to get to know each other.

And _kissing_ Jensen, That was completely different than anything else Jared had ever done. He felt those kisses throughout his entire body. It was hard to breathe, there was just so much coming to life inside of him when those lips swept over his.

Several times during the day Jared was called out by a teacher for doing the _thousand yard stare_ out the window. He just couldn't seem to concentrate on anything.

Chad tried a few times to start their usual banter but Jared's heart wasn't in it. Every time he looked at Chad he relived that morning - knowing he'd treated Jensen like he didn't even know him. One minute he'd been making the guy promise they could spend the night together and the next minute he'd been tearing out the door like the Devil himself was behind him.

When he started to think about it Jared wasn't even sure that Jensen would be speaking to him when he got back to their room. Trying to imagine the tables being turned - Jensen completely ignoring him after the night they had shared - _God_ , that would have hurt Jared.

By the end of the day Jared had managed to learn _nothing_ in any of his classes; he was tired, felt guiltier than hell and _knew_ he owed Jensen an apology. But. The problem was that Jared wasn't sure the same thing wouldn't happen again.

Some of his friends might be dicks on occasion, but they were still Jared's friends. He'd gone to school with most of them since they were kids. And yet, he still wasn't sure - even how Chad would react to him being friends with Jensen - let alone anything more.

By the time classes were over, Jared was a nervous wreck. He didn't want to talk to Mr. Collins about his personal life but at the same time - the idea of not talking to anyone was enough to make his head explode. Before he was even really aware of the direction he was headed he was standing in front of Mr. Collins' room and knocking on the door.

"Hey, Jared, come on in," Mr. Collins pulled the door of his classroom open, smiling at Jared. "You look, worse than you did earlier. Want a vitamin water?" The teacher turned, heading back into the classroom.

"A what?" Jared tossed his back pack down on the floor, "no, no thanks." Sighing he walked over to the nearest chair and slumped down in it.

Mr. Collins pulled the chair from beside the desk over, spinning it and slinging his leg over it. "Where would you like to begin?"

"What do I do?" Jared ran his hands through his hair.

Arching an eyebrow, Mr. Collins laughed softly. "Well, that sure covers a wide variety of things. You know I can't tell you what to do. I'd say taking a deep breath might be a little helpful."

"I'm not gay. What if I don't want to be gay? _Jesus,_ what if I am gay?" Jared's eyes widened a little and his nerves finally gave way. "I was with this girl just the other weekend and I liked it - I mean - I know I liked that - but this was different. The kiss, I meant there wasn't that much more but if I liked the kissing then I would like other stuff. _God_ , how do you decide something like this and why wouldn't I know before now? I mean it's not like I haven't tried stuff."

"Okay, so definitely the deep breath," Mr. Collins nodded, slight smile on his face. "Jared, liking a guy doesn't mean you're gay, you know that right? There are some people who believe in all varieties of love. I don't think you need to come up with a classification for yourself right away."

"What about my friends? I left this morning." Jared looked away, "I just walked out like I didn't even know Jensen."

"Jared, I don't think-"

"Hey Mr. Collins I got that book-" Jensen cut himself off as he stepped into the room, wide eyes landing on Jared for just a moment. "Oh. Sorry, I didn't realize, um, I'll just come back."

"No, no Jensen, come on in. Have a seat. It's probably better if this conversation happens with you both here." Mr. Collins stood slightly, smiling over at Jensen. "As long as that's okay with you Jared."

Jared felt a bit like a deer caught in headlights and blinked up at Mr. Collins for a few moments before glancing over at Jensen. "Yeah, if Jensen's talkin' to me still." He looked down suddenly feeling like he might choke on the emotion fighting its way through all his confusion.

Frowning slightly, Jensen shifted in his spot by the door, fingers digging into the strap on his backpack. "I was under the impression it was you not talking to me."

"Jensen," Mr. Collins looked over at him, frown tilting his lips down.

Blowing out a low breath, Jensen momentarily felt like he was a bit out numbered here. Of course he had no idea why Jared was here at all unless he was actually taking his advice to talk to Mr. Collins about this stuff. It also explained why the teacher had asked him to pick up a book after school and bring it by. "Fine," he whispered and walked to the front of the room, taking a seat a few desks away. He kept his eyes on his teacher because looking at Jared hurt a bit too much. It wasn't like he'd thought Jared would actually talk to him earlier or anything but it stung regardless.

"Alright, so, I don't want to set any ground rules or anything but I will, so everyone play nice, let each other speak and such. And hear me out. Don't dismiss anything without giving it some thought okay?" Mr. Collins' gaze lingered on Jensen for a moment before turning to Jared. "Okay, so clearly you two have kissed." Both boys flushed and looked down at this and Mr. Collins chuckled softly. "That's nothing to be ashamed of. But clearly it's had an affect. Jared, you were just talking about your friends, are you scared of how they might react if they found out about kissing Jensen?"

"Yeah," Jared looked back up at Mr. Collins. "Everyone - well, I know what Chad's gonna call me." Blowing out a breath Jared fiddled with the cuff on his shirt. "I've heard what he calls-" His eyes darted across to Jensen briefly before dropping again to the floor.

Jensen opened his mouth to say something but Mr. Collins gave him a look and his mouth snapped closed. "No one is saying you need to come out Jared. From what I'm hearing, it doesn't even sound like you've accepted it yourself. You need to figure some serious stuff out before _anything_ else happens." The teacher turned his gaze back to Jared, giving the boy an encouraging smile.

"We're roommates," Jared blurted out - like that should be a question and an answer all in one. His hands pressed flat onto the desk in front of him. So - he was supposed to not look at Jensen? He shouldn't want to take the two steps it would take for him to be on Jensen's bed instead of his own?

"I realize this. But we don't want anyone getting hurt right?" The teacher shifted on his chair, fingers sliding over the edge. "Don't you think it'll just be worse if something bad were to happen? What if, Jared, you realize that this is simply a... temporary thing? If you decided you'd rather not be involved with Jensen in the long run, it would make being roommates even more difficult."

"Isn't it kind of our choice?" Jensen asked quietly, eyes fixed on the desk. "If Jared wants to... do stuff. Then, I mean, shouldn't it be up to us?"

"I have the fortune of hind sight here, and being outside the situation. It seems practical to wait right?" Mr. Collins looked from one boy to the next, settling his gaze on Jared. "Jared, don't you want to feel a little less like the world is all topsy turvy before you try to... have a relationship or something?"

"A relationship?" Jared almost whispered. His voice rough and tight. "I've never..." He looked over at Jensen quickly, "have you? I mean-" Looking back down at his hands he fiddled with the button on his shirt cuff. It wasn't like it was any of his business. "I don't want a relationship - I'm eighteen."

"Can I go?" Jensen stood from his seat, eyes fixed on Mr. Collins. "Because, as much of a thrill as it is to sit here and listen to Jared not being interested and all that, I have homework." He pursued his lips and told himself it didn't _matter_ if Jared wanted to be with him or not because there was no way it would work no matter what. He and Jared couldn't even keep up a _friendship_ and anything more would be ridiculous.

"Jensen," Mr. Collins said quietly, rising from his seat.

"I get it, no doing anything, for the sake of roommates and all. Don't worry, it won't be an issue." Jensen nodded at his teacher and didn't look toward Jared, spinning on his heels and leaving the room as quickly as he could without running.

"I was a bit worried about that," Mr. Collins sighed and dropped slowly back in his seat, looking over at the wide eyes of Jared. "I wasn't necessarily talking like boyfriends. I meant something on a more physical level. This is probably a good example as to why you shouldn't."

Jared was still staring at the door wondering what the hell he had done wrong. "What just happened?" Twisting back around in the chair he gazed up at Mr. Collins for a few moments.

Dragging a hand up through his hair, Mr. Collins sighed and shrugged. "Not really my place to say I suppose. Maybe you two just have very different ideas of the things you want. You know, Jensen and you, you're both so very different. Things have different meaning for him. I really think it's best if you just take some time, figure some personal things out."

Tears welled in Jared's eyes and he looked down at the desk. "How do I talk to him without making him so mad?" Rubbing at his eyes for a moment Jared groaned and slid down in the chair. "So, seriously what? I go back to our room and pretend like none of this ever happened? Just take a few weeks to figure out what the hell I'm doing."

"Look, I'm sorry Jared. I know this sucks, when you're in high school a lot of things do. And I can't give you all the answers, I can't make things better. So that's my advice, you need to take some time." Mr. Collins sighed and gestured toward the door. "Otherwise that's just going to keep happening and neither of you will get anywhere. Would it really be so bad to just be Jensen's friend for awhile?"

"Not to me, but did you see what just happened?" Jared sighed again, sliding off the seat and grabbing his backpack. "I can't see this turning out very well, can you?" Turning, Jared headed for the door glancing over his shoulder as he pulled it open. "Thanks for trying Mr. Collins. I appreciate it."

Admittedly, Jared was a little disappointed when he left the art room and Jensen hadn't waited for him. There was some small part of him that had been hoping somehow - that Jensen might have stayed to talk. The walk back to their room had never felt longer.

When he was standing outside their door he wasn't even sure what to do. It almost felt like he should knock or ask to come in. Finally, he just pushed the door open and went in.

Of course, Jensen was there - where else would he go? Jared dropped his back pack near the door and closed the door. His heart started thudding away the moment he got to the room and he tried to stay calm, push back the adrenaline and just breathe. "Jensen," he kept his voice low and headed over to sit on his own bed, "can I say some things? Before you give up on me?"

This whole thing felt like it was never going to end. Jensen wasn't sure when he'd stepped on this crazy roller coaster but he had whiplash hardcore. "Sure," he breathed because there was no real reason not too. Maybe something would click into place and things would stop making his heart hurt so painfully.

"I'm sorry - about what I said when Mr. Collins brought up the relationship thing. But," Jared sighed and looked up at the other boy. "Twenty-four hours ago - I had no idea what I felt - how I would feel." He pressed his hand against his chest, "I have this ache here like everything is all fucked up. This is bigger than you and I - for me - I mean... what if this is who I am? What do I do then? My friends and my family... how do I separate all that out?"

Jared shook his head and looked down, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening again. "I need you to be my friend right now. I know that I haven't done anything to deserve it - but you're the only person I can talk to about this. That whole relationship thing - _God_ Jensen - you're sixteen years old and I'm just barely eighteen and I mean I've had a couple of girlfriends..." his voice trailed off and he rubbed at his temples for a few moments.

"It's fine. That you don't want to be, you know, whatever. It's fine. I wasn't even asking that of you." Jensen shifted back on his bed until he could lean against the headboard. "I'm just. Look, we can be friends. Fine. I'm okay with that. But I can't... I can't be someone you experiment with alright? Because... it would just be too much for me." Jensen rubbed at the tears on his cheek and shrugged. "Being your friend though, someone to talk to, I can do that."

Jared nodded slowly, "okay, thanks, I..." He looked up and studied Jensen's profile for a few moments. "So - you don't want - I shouldn't kiss you or anything like that. I guess. Yeah." Slipping back onto his bed Jared pulled his feet up and lay down. His heart felt like it was stuck somewhere in his throat. "You were never an experiment," he murmured.

Eyes pricking with tears, Jensen sighed shakily and closed his eyes. "I like you Jared. I really do. Probably more than I should considering all the circumstances." His head fell back against the wall, lips pursing. "But I know how this goes. At the end of the school year you've probably got college all situated and everything... I just can't get attached okay? Kissing, that would probably lead to attachment. And um... I think I'm just going to stop talking." Jensen lifted his head, turning to look at the far wall away from Jared.

Jared felt a bit like they'd already had an entire relationship and were breaking up before he'd even realized what was going on. "Yeah, Jensen, I have a college plan. I've applied at places, there are places my parents want me to go but I don't know anything for sure. What happened to not judging me? You said you didn't do that. You must have plans for after school right? Does that mean it's not worth having a friendship-" he sucked in a breath,"a relationship because that seems like just being too scared to take a chance."

"Just because I assumed you had a college plan didn't mean I was judging you Jared." Jensen finally looked toward him, frowning. "No. I don't have plans for after school. Work, I guess. Find a place to live. I just," he sighed shakily and brought his legs up to his chest, circling his arms around them. "Don't call me scared. You don't know me or my past. You don't know my reasons. You don't want a relationship and I don't want to get attached, can't we just go with that?"

"Jensen," Jared sat up quickly, "it's been a day. You can't seriously expect me to have a well-thought out plan about a relationship. I'm practically begging here for a friendship. You think that will mean that _I'm_ not attached? What's happened to you? This is so wrong. People don't... they don't..." frustrated he stood and paced over to Jensen's bed.

Looking down at Jensen, Jared stuffed his hands in his pockets. "What do you want from me?"

"Did I not just say I'd be your friend?" Jensen stared up at him in disbelief, shifting on the mattress. "I think you should give me a little credit since the way you treat me like the invisible person the minute anyone else is around isn't exactly pleasant. What's the big deal here? We can be friends. Friends don't kiss. There we go." Jensen was tempted to stand, not liking the way Jared had advantage over him.

"There we go," Jared echoed, shaking his head. "You-you kissed me." Jared yanked his hand out of his pocket and waved at the desk. "Right there, you manhandled me up on to the desk and it wasn't nothing - it was something and I felt something. I was scared shit-less, Jensen. Don't you get that? I am scared shit-less now."

Realizing he'd raised his voice Jared closed his eyes for a few moments and tried to calm himself. "Tell me the truth, is that what you want? Friends? And nothing else between us."

"Do you really think I would have left the classroom if that's just what I wanted?" Jensen couldn't stand the way it made his gut twist, Jared standing beside the bed, and Jensen rolled off the edge, pushing up to his feet. "Didn't you just come in here asking to be my friend? I don't understand, what do you want Jared? Because I'm really fucking confused and all of this is just... I can only take so much."

"What the _fuck_ happened to you?" Jared grabbed the front of Jensen's shirt with both hands, gripping the material tightly. "Why are you like this? Why can't you just give me time to breathe before you demand trust and... and-"

"Get off me," Jensen shoved Jared across the room, watching him stumble back onto his bed. "I'm so sick of this, of you acting like you have some fucking idea who I am or what I want. You want to know why I'm not okay with the idea of just casually fucking around with you? I can't get attached to someone and have them go again, because I always fucking lose everyone. You'll be just like everyone else if I feel anything for you at all even though it's probably already too late." Jensen hadn't even realized he was pacing now, walking from the nightstand between their beds to the far wall and back. "I can't, I can't live through that, not over and over and over again. My mom, my sister, it always happens Jared, why can't you just respect that?"

Stunned into silence while Jensen was talking, Jared just stared from where he'd fallen on the bed. "Respect..." Pushing up until he was sitting his hand snapped out and grabbed Jensen's wrist. "I'm trying to _fucking_ understand. What happened to you? Why the hell are you like this?"

 _Jensen bristled at the words, tugging his arm free and crossing the room in three quick strides, arms folding across his chest. "My dad died when I was six. Heart attack, one of those freak things I guess. My sister was barely three. Anyway," Jensen blew out a breath, squeezing his arms across his chest hard. He couldn't fathom actually trying to tell Jared all of this, but it seemed like the man wouldn't let things go until he knew the truth. "Anyway. My mom remarried a few years later. This guy, he was, he was a jerk. Whatever, it wasn't that big of a deal. My mom was lonely and I knew she was just trying to find someone. But... he was mean. Like, _mean_ mean. He used to smack her around, smack me around. Tried to touch my sister once but I stopped him."_

The weight of the words had Jensen dropping down onto a bed, not realizing it was Jared's until he looked up and saw the boy right _there_. "I watched my mom break down. She was already pretty bad after losing my dad. She stopped going out, she hardly got off the couch, drank a lot. My step dad just got worse. When he found out I was gay, caught me making out with this boy from my school..." Jensen pursued his lips and looked away. "Well. I'm sure you can put it together. That's not. I mean, things didn't really..." Jensen sighed heavily and pushed his hands up through his hair. "My mom killed herself. Intentional or not, I don't know. Drank too much, took some meds, I think she just gave up on life."

"So, my step dad got custody of my sister and I. And, for awhile, it actually wasn't too bad. I mean, he still hated me and hit me and stuff but, things. It happened so fast, everything." Jensen, for whatever the reason, found himself looking into Jared's eyes as he continued talking. "I came home from school, I was just barely fifteen, and my sister was twelve. I came home and... he was, she was upstairs. I could hear her, when I was walking through the kitchen. I could hear her scream and I don't know. I just, I remember grabbing the knife off the counter and running the stairs. He was on her, she was trying to get away, and all I knew was that she was crying, screaming for help. So I just... I stabbed him. In the side. It happened so fast, like a blur. Because then I was just dragging my sister out of there and we were running and there was all this blood on my hands."

Jensen wasn't seeing much through the blur of tears in his eyes but he thought maybe Jared looked shocked, or disgusted, he didn't know. "We didn't really have anywhere to go. So it didn't take long for them to find us. They took my sister to a foster home, I went to Juvi. Got a lesser punishment because of the circumstances but, it'll always be on my permanent record I guess. You know, that I assaulted someone with a deadly weapon. So. That's, me. My life. In a nutshell." Jensen shrugged and looked away, feeling more naked and raw than he could ever remember feeling.

If Jared had thought he was overwhelmed before - it was nothing compared to how he felt after listening to Jensen's story. The entire time the boy was talking he'd resisted the urge to touch him; understanding or, at least, trying to understand the type of loss he'd experienced. Lifting his hand Jared caught some of Jensen's tears on his thumb. "No one should have to go through all that." It seemed like a completely inadequate thing to say but Jared was so trapped between the way he knew to comfort and knowing that Jensen didn't want him any closer.

"I had no idea," he murmured, fingers falling to Jensen's shoulder. "Is that why you don't know where your sister is?" He shifted a little closer when Jensen didn't move away from his touch.

"I tried to call the child protective system, but they won't tell me anything." Jensen exhaled shakily, biting down on his bottom lip for a long moment. "I think that's what hurts the most. Because, I don't know what she thinks, or how she feels." He glanced up at Jared, frowning. "And, I guess, that's why I am... why I'm not... it's just going to be the same, always Jared. If I can spare myself..."

"Won't you miss out on a lot though?" Jared dropped his gaze to the place where his fingers were still resting on Jensen's shirt. "I mean, not everyone leaves. I get why you think that, _shit_ Jensen. I can't even get my mind wrapped around what you've been through but you didn't do anything wrong." He let his hand slide down Jensen's back, pressing his palm against the small of the other boy's back.

"I stabbed someone Jared. I mean, yeah it was to save my sister but..." Jensen found himself leaning into Jared's body and he sighed softly, closing his eyes. "Can we just not make anything official now? Can we just be friends and just..." Jensen frowned, turning in so he could bury his nose in Jared's collar.

Pressing his lips to Jensen's hair, Jared breathed in slowly to savor the scent of his friend. "Just what?" He whispered, realizing how fragile this trust was between them.

"Just be friends. That first. I don't know if I can keep talking about the rest of it. We need to be friends first anyway right?" Jensen continued to whisper, leaning hard against Jared's body because he felt just a little more comfort from it.

"Okay." Jared's voice was quiet. He wanted to kiss Jensen again, wanted that feeling - but he would respect whatever his friend needed. Maybe if he could actually show Jensen that he _could_ be his friend - could be relied upon then maybe there could be something more for them one day. "Okay," he said again a little stronger. "I want to, well, yeah, I want to be your friend."

Leaning in quickly, Jared kissed the corner of Jensen's mouth - just like the first night he'd kissed him. "For luck," he murmured and pulled Jensen into his arms. He wasn't sure why he said it, maybe because the whole day, the past few weeks, had all kind of built up and he thought they might need a little luck to get through it in one piece.

"Thank you," Jensen said quietly, glad to finally feel like he didn't need to brace himself for the next big conversation hurdle. "I know, after everything I said, I have no right to ask this but, can I lay here with you for awhile? Talking about all that stuff... opens old wounds and all." Jensen just wanted to feel something warm for awhile, and lying with Jared was better than he had words for.

"I'd really like that," Jared whispered. Kicking off his shoes he smiled softly and climbed back onto his bed, lying down on his side. "Come on," he held his arm up and waited for Jensen to get comfortable.

Kicking his own shoes off Jensen settled against Jared's side, wrapping an arm around him and burying his head into the boy's neck. He still wasn't quite ready to make eye contact, needing to sort some things out in his mind first. "Sorry I suck at all of this." He breathed, lips rolling together slowly.

"Suck at what?" Jared's brow furrowed and he pressed Jensen against him, one hand at the back of his neck, the other on his back.

"Being friends with someone," Jensen laughed humorlessly and pressed his legs to Jared's. "Weird that the wisdom beyond my year’s thing doesn't extend to that. I was just... it's been a few years since I had any casual friends let alone someone more important."

"We'll figure it out," Jared's fingers ran through the soft curls at the nape of Jensen's neck. "I'm- Jensen, I'm really sorry about this morning. It was shitty of me -and if I could go back and do it over again..." Feeling sadness and shame uncurling inside him Jared pressed his lips against Jensen's hair again.

Sighing softly, Jensen couldn't help wondering if it would be any different if the events played themselves out again. "I understand. I mean, kind of at least. Chad and Mike and them, they're you're friends. I don't want you to lose your friendship with them just because of me." Sure, Jensen thought it would be nice to be acknowledged, and it would probably always hurt when Jared pretended he didn't exist when Chad was around, but he got what peer pressure was.

"If they're my friends..." Jared let the rest of the sentence go unsaid. Both boys were silent for a while, Jared finally felt himself start to relax a little. "Jensen?"

"Yeah?" He asked quietly, fingers moving aimlessly along Jared's shirt.

"Who's Mack?" Jared had seen the tattoo on Jensen's arm a few times when he'd been changing shirts or coming back from the shower. Now that he knew a little bit more about Jensen - he couldn't help wondering if Mack was an old boyfriend.

Smiling softly, Jensen flattened his hand against Jared's chest. "My sister. Mackenzie. Mom used to call her Macaroni. I chose Mack." Just thinking about his sister made his heart warm and he closed his eyes, thinking about how much he missed her, the things he'd give if he could just see her once more.

"Oh," Jared smiled. "I like that. Mack," he repeatedly quietly. "Well, I hope you find Mack one day - she's got a great brother and she should know him." Closing his eyes Jared leaned forward and brushed his lips across Jensen's forehead. "Sorry," he murmured sleepily, "slipped."

"You apologize too much," Jensen muttered, small chuckle falling from his lips. Tilting his head up, Jensen stared into Jared's eyes for a long moment before brushing their lips together for a brief moment before dipping his head back down. "Sorry, slipped," he whispered, closing his eyes. Apparently he wasn't doing to good at following his own rules, he wondered if he would manage at all.

Jared's lips curved up into a smile again and he nestled down into his bed only moving again to pull the blanket over them.

-=-=-=-

Like the morning before, Jensen woke up spread against Jared's side only now he was lying on his chest and it was much easier to slip free. A little twist of nerves curled through him for the day to come and how it would be when Chad swung by to get Jared. Because of those nerves, it took Jensen twenty minutes to do up his tie - despite the three lunch periods Mr. Collins had tried to teach him. He was still staring in the mirror when Jared stirred on the bed. Smiling softly, Jensen stared at the boy's reflection and chuckled quietly. "It's a wonder you're ever on time to any class."

"You're some kind of alien. No one can get up on time every morning." But Jared had a crooked half smile on his face and his body felt less twisted up inside than it had the day before. Yawning, he arched his back up off the bed and scratched at his stomach lazily. "Time is it?"

"About eight thirty. You're just lucky we can eat in the classroom, or well, the teacher doesn't care if you do." Jensen turned and walked back to Jared's bed, slowly sitting on the edge. Reaching out, his fingers brushed slowly through Jared's hair and he dipped down to press a kiss to his temple. "How'd you sleep?" He asked quietly, sitting back up and turning to snag his shoes from the side of his own bed.

"Good," Jared smiled and messed up his hair with his fingers. "How's that look?" Sliding to the edge of the bed he unbuttoned his shirt and threw it across the room. "It's a good thing my dry cleaning is delivered weekly or I'd have to go to class naked a lot."

Snorting, Jensen shook his head and rolled his eyes. "You are lucky. I only have the four uniforms, and a couple other things. I should try and get more. You think they'd let me?" Jensen was trying to speak casually, like he wasn't waiting for the knock at the door that he knew was going to come at any moment.

"Sure," Jared finally convinced his body to get off his bed and padded over to the closet to yank a clean shirt off the hanger. "You can just tell them how busy you are studying - they'll love it." Grinning, he hesitated just a moment before pulling his boxers off and changing into a clean pair. At some point in the night he'd gotten up to go to the bathroom and slipped out of his pants. They were roommates after all, nothing they hadn't seen before.

"I scare Sophia," Jensen pointed out, pushing up to his feet to grab his backpack and stuff the right books inside. "Every time she sees me her eyes get all wide like I'm just going to jump her something." He couldn't help smiling across the room at Jared, catching just a flash of skin as he pulled his pants on.

The knock he'd kind of been dreading came in the next moment, though it was more of a bang and Chad calling out Jared's name. The knob twisted a few times and Jensen rolled his eyes, wondering what it would take for the boy to learn that it was locked. Looking back up at Jared he nodded once more heading for the door to let the kid in. "Padalecki," Chad brushed easily past Jensen, heading for Jared. "What's with the locked door, you shy of me walkin' in on you all naked or something?"

"Jensen and I just decided we didn't want any sort of riff raff wandering in out of the hall." Jared snagged his dirty shirt off the floor, balled it up and threw it at Chad's face. "Which reminds me, Chad? This is my roommate, Jensen - I don't believe you two have been properly introduced. Jensen? This is Chad." Smiling, even though his heart was racing at a hundred miles an hour, Jared tugged his pants on and buttoned them up.

"Um..." Jensen, who had been halfway out the door, stopped and looked over at Jared in confusion. "Hi," he finally said to Chad and shifted the backpack on his shoulders.

Chad blinked at him before turning to Jared. "Dude? What the fuck?"

"I'm gonna say this once, Chad and I need you to listen. Jensen's my friend and -" his voice caught and he saw the briefest flash of something not unlike disappointment cross Jensen's face. "And, I'd like him to walk to class with us, if that's not okay with you - I'll just meet you later for lunch or something." Taking a deep breath, Jared's eyes met Jensen's for a few moments over Chad's shoulder.

Something warm stirred up in Jensen's chest and he smiled softly, looking down at the ground. It was a definite step; he just hoped it didn't back fire in Jared's face.

"Uh, alright." Chad said quietly, looking curiously once at Jensen before turning back to his friend. "He didn't put you up to this or anything right? Threaten to stab you?"

"God Chad, where you dropped on your head as a child?" Jensen spat before he could even remind himself of his no retaliation policy. Both Chad and Jared looked at him and he shrugged, looking away. "Just saying."

Jared was silent for a few moments then burst out laughing. "See Chad? He already talks to you just like I do - you won't notice a thing." Brushing past Chad, Jared snatched his backpack off the floor and headed for the door. "C'mon, we're all gonna be late." Jared was pretty sure when he caught up to Jensen's side he had seen a smile on his face.

It was weird walking to class with them, Jared to his left, Chad beyond him. Jensen could _feel_ people watching but he felt a little reassured that nothing would happen to him with two of the most influential kids at his side. He was pretty sure Chad still had major issues with him but the kid started babbling about some people Jensen didn't know so he tuned him out. A small smile curved his lips up when Jared's shoulder bumped into his, whether it was casual or not he didn't know but he felt good. Better than he had in awhile so that was worth it.


	5. Chapter 5

It was odd, how the time passed so quickly once things got on the right path with Jared and himself. In the beginning their friendship stayed mostly behind the closed bedroom door, excluding the walks to class. Jensen still ate lunches with Mr. Collins but his heart felt lighter, his spirits lifted at the prospect of building a real connection with someone again. Sure there were parts of him that were still terrified, that suggested his friendship with Jared could end at any moment but he tried to take the boy's advice and take chances.

Even Chad seemed to be toning down his douche bag persona toward Jensen. He was pretty sure Jared had sat him down and had a long talk about it because by the end of the first week of walking with them to class, Chad actually called him by his real name. Sure it was to ask him if he'd even been raped in Juvi but well, Jensen was willing to over look the disgust of the question for the attempted effort it was. And he assured Chad he'd never been raped in Juvi, then waited a few beats before adding that didn't mean he didn't try and rape someone. It had the desire affect, Chad looking more than a little stunned and Jared's laugh was certainly worth the lie.

Around his third week of walking to class with Jared and Chad, Jensen was feeling more secure. He and Jared spent hours talking, most of the time falling asleep in the same bed and Jared had even spent some time with him over the weekends. He still went out with Chad, partied but he came back each time and Jensen amused himself with the stumbling drunk Jared who could spend a solid hour explaining the pros and cons to junk food. Sometimes they'd talk about the _gay_ issue; Jared would relay his fears and Jensen would listen, offering advice whenever he could.

Sometimes they kissed. It was never a planned thing, always soft brushes of lips and gentle touches but it never failed to make Jensen's heart flutter in his chest. He knew Jared was still coming to terms with the issue of his sexuality but he didn't seem as tense about it, and Jensen thought he may have even started to accept it as part of who he was.

One night they even had a serious debate over which male actors were cutest. Jensen had seen only older movies in Juvi so Jared had him at a disadvantage but it remained an amusing conversation regardless.

It was after history one day, when Jensen was leaving the classroom to head to Mr. Collins' room for lunch when the boys pinned him in a corner. Jensen thought their names were Justin and Henry but he wasn't completely sure. What he did know was they had never been happy to see him around and hadn't ceased teasing him even with Jared and Chad's acceptance of him. Most of the nicknames had died down but these two threw the words like hard punches.

"You may have Padalecki and Murray fooled you little freak but we're not falling for your act," one hissed, slamming a hand hard on the wall by his head.

So far Jensen had managed to avoid physical altercations with anyone but he worried his luck may have just run out.

Then, surprisingly, Chad's hand was curling around the boy's arm and tugging him back. "Lay off Justin, he hasn't done anything to you," the blond shoved at the boy and Jensen melted back into the wall, vision obscured as Jared stepped in front of him.

"Whatever Chad, you wanna hang out with this fag, fine by me. Just don't think we're all gonna welcome your little butt buddy."

They were gone in the next moment and Jensen sighed shakily, reaching out to curl his fingers in the back of Jared's coat.

"You okay?" Without even thinking about it Jared slid his hand over the back of Jensen's neck. As though it had suddenly occurred to him what Chad had done - Jared turned and blinked at the blond.

"Yeah, I'm okay. They came out of nowhere." Jensen mumbled, letting Jared's warmth ease the tension in his shoulders.

"Ignore them; they're just jealous because Jared and I won't let them hang out with us." Chad huffed and rolled his shoulders, eyeing Jared for a moment before shrugging. "C'mon Ackles. Eat lunch with us today."

The request surprised Jensen more then the boys actions from before and he looked up at Jared before looking back at Chad. "I... um. Yeah? Okay. Sure." He nodded slowly, stepping into Jared for just a moment before taking another step forward.

Jared looked down at Chad's ass curiously while they were walking and when Jensen gave him a puzzled glance he shrugged and said, "looking for the pigs flying out of it."

"What?" Jensen followed Jared's gaze to Chad's ass and snorted. "Oh god, I don't need those mental images."

"I can hear you two asswipes, shut the fuck up and stop looking at my ass." Chad grumbled, leading the way to the cafeteria.

Laughing again, Jared slung his arm over Jensen's shoulders and dragged him up beside Chad. "You know I love you, Chad." He slugged the blond in the arm and had to listen to him whine about it the entire time they were in the line-up for food.

The smile on Jensen's face was bigger than he cared to acknowledge as he settled into his chair, still listening to Chad and Jared bicker fondly. It was pretty normal for them and Jensen snorted into his salad when Chad called Jared a sugar fueled Sasquatch. "You two fight like an old married couple," Jensen pointed out, ducking out of the way when Chad threw a French fry at him.

"Hey so, Jensen, can I ask you something without getting stabbed?" Chad asked. He phrased questions that way a lot but Jensen had come to realize it was just his own brand of teasing, like he knew Jensen wasn't actually going to stab him at any point. So Jensen just waved a hand at him to continue. "Are you gay?"

The question hung in the air for a moment and Jensen nearly dropped his spoon. "I uh, what?" He forced himself not to look at Jared just in case Chad's reason for asking had any suspicions including Jared. He wasn't going to out one of his own friends at the lunch table, that was for sure.

"Well, there's rumors and stuff. Like, at the dance last weekend you didn't even go. And most guys don't miss out on the chance to hook up with some pussy. Plus there's the earring." Chad shrugged, staring down at his food.

"Chad," Jared turned to his friend and blinked a few times, "I think... I'm bi." Dropping his eyes back to his tray Jared jammed almost half a muffin in his mouth.

"You... what?" Chad stared wide eyed at him before looking at Jensen. "Dude, are you two like- have you two..."

Jensen bit his lip around the smile threatening to explode there. He hadn't expected Jared to just lay it out there like that but _God_ he'd never been so proud of him.

"We're just friends," Jensen said quietly, giving Jared a warm smile. "But... you know. Maybe more. Someday. And yeah, Chad, I'm gay."

Chad looked between them both, gaze finally settling on Jared. "This isn't some joke is it?"

Finally managing to swallow the muffin Jared cleared his throat. "Nope." He looked over at Jensen, back at Chad then picked up the rest of his muffin and stuffed it into his mouth. If he'd learned anything over the years - he knew that sometimes - it was better _not_ to try and explain things to Chad.

Silence reigned at the table and Jensen dropped his hand beneath, reaching out to squeeze Jared's thigh in comfort. Chad was just staring at them both in shock; jaw slightly slack as if he needed the additional oxygen to get his brain into gear. And just when he thought things might get bad, that Chad might completely lose it, he spoke.

"Dude, don't ever look at my ass again." He muttered and shook his head, slamming a fist possibly a little too hard into Jared's arm. "And don't keep secrets like this from me. I'm supposed to be your best friend. How long have you known? Have you like... had sex with a guy?" He dropped his voice in a low whisper, leaning toward Jared.

"No," Jared sputtered muffin across the table in front of him. "Not, well..." he wiped at his chin and brushed the crumbs of his shirt. "I'm only kinda figuring it out now. So don't bust my ass." Sliding his hand under the table, Jared threaded his fingers through Jensen's. "Besides, I'm tellin' you now - so it's not a secret."

"Man," Chad slumped back in his chair. "That's pretty big." Chad sat in silence for a few minutes longer before grabbing a French fry and popping it in his mouth. "So like, Jensen, have you uh, known long? You're not making Jared gay are you?"

Choking on a piece of bread, Jensen stared through wide watery eyes at Chad before laughing. "God. No, it doesn't really work that way. You can't just _make_ someone gay. And Jared's not gay, he's bi. He still likes girls. Me though, I'm gay and have known since I was eleven or so."

Chad shook his head, eating a few more French fries. He spoke next around the food in his mouth, spraying little bits across his tray. "Shit, this is a lot to take in." He sighed heavily and glanced over to Jared. "Are you alright man? I mean, realizing something like this, you gotta be freaking out. I know you man, you freaked out the first time you had sex. With a girl."

"You make me sound like a flake." Jared could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. "Yeah, I might be kind of freakin' out. A little. Not much." He glanced at Jensen's wide eyes. " _Not_ much," he emphasized.

"Huh," Chad huffed slightly, shrugging his shoulders and tucking into his food.

Jensen slid his hand free and settled into his own food, wondering if Chad was still in shock about the whole thing. He seemed pretty close to that. "So, well. That happened." He said quietly, unsure what would happen next.

Looking up, Chad laughed, "yeah that fucking happened. Look though, if you guys do um, if you ever... god. I just don't want to hear about it okay? No details or anything. And just... yeah."

"Yeah," Jared snorted a quiet laugh, "no details." He flashed a grin at Jensen.

-=-=-=-

"M'gonna go bother Sophia," Chad called, breaking away from them in the hallway and heading toward the front office. "Don't miss me too much." He grumbled and disappeared around the corner.

"Poor Sophia," Jensen laughed softly as he unlocked their bedroom door, shrugging out of his backpack and tossing it to the side. "He's got to get over his crush on her, she'll never be interested." Jensen kicked his shoes off, sliding his jacket off next and hanging it on the back of his chair.

"Hey, you never know. Chad grew on you." Jared shrugged and grinned as he crossed the room to drop down on his bed. "What a day." Toeing off his shoes, Jared stretched his arms up high above his head.

"I think I grew on Chad." Jensen pointed out and looked over at him, eyes dragging over the long line of him. "You know... what you did today. Jared, god, I know it sounds stupid but I'm proud of you." He smiled softly, walking across the room and leaning his calves against Jared's bed, lifting one knee to rest on the mattress.

"Thanks," Jared smiled up at his friend. "It was easier than I thought - helped that you were there." As the time had passed, Jared had grown to rely on Jensen's friendship more and more. He was pretty sure that just having him there, seeing his face had been the extra support he'd needed to finally tell Chad.

Still smiling, Jensen slid his other knee up on the mattress, kneeling beside him. "And, Chad didn't freak out did he. In fact, I think he seems kind of okay with it all. Yeah?" He reached out slowly, hand extending to slip under the uniform jacket, resting along the side of his shirt.

Jared could feel the heat of Jensen's fingers almost immediately. His smile faded slightly and he laughed softly. "No, he didn't freak out." His teeth moved over his bottom lip and he closed his eyes and Jensen's fingers moved against his chest. They hardly ever touched each other _this_ way.

"That's a good sign yeah? Maybe you'll feel a little better, having more than just me and Mr. Collins knowing?" Jensen suggested and shifted closer until his knees rested against Jared's arm. His fingers moved across Jared's chest, slowly pulling at his shirt until it came untucked and he could slide the bottom button free.

Blinking his eyes open again, Jared took a deep breath. "Jensen?"

Wetting his lips, Jensen stopped halfway through sliding the third button free and looked up into his eyes. "Should I stop?" He asked in a quiet whisper, free hand resting on Jared's shirt. If he just slid forward an inch his fingers would touch Jared's stomach, and his heart flipped a little at the thought.

Jared's fingers curled into his palms and he shook his head slowly. "No, don't stop," he said softly. Almost scared to breathe he closed his eyes again, the anticipation of that first touch sending his heart rate skyrocketing.

"Okay," Jensen whispered, sliding the third button the rest of the way free. He continued up the line, eyes studying the growing flush on his cheeks. Jensen didn't stop until Jared's shirt was open, flesh just visible beyond the white. Pursing his lips together, Jensen finally turned his gaze down, watching his fingers slide under the fabric to graze along his skin. It was silky soft and warm against his and Jensen's heart slammed hard in his chest.

It wasn't as if he hadn't touched people before but this, somehow it was more. Jensen swallowed thickly and slid his entire hand past the fabric, palm resting on Jared's skin, slowly sweeping down. He could swear he could feel Jared's heart racing through his chest and his body shifted forward slightly.

Breath catching in his chest, Jared could feel his muscles come alive under the gentle touch, shifting and clenching under his skin. His eyes opened, gaze lingering on Jensen's face. "What are we doing?" Voice soft, thick and low, Jared's lips twitched into a half smile. _God_ he knew what he wanted to think they were doing, but - things had been going so well between them. He didn't want anything to be misunderstood.

"Um, touching? And..." Jensen sat back a little. "You should sit up. To, take your coat off. And your shirt." He smiled nervously at Jared, wetting his lips once more.

Leaning forward a little Jared shrugged out of his uniform jacket and let his shirt fall down off his shoulders. He undid the buttons at each cuff and pulled his arms free. "What about you?" Sliding his fingers over Jensen's chest he pushed his blazer back until it slid down then traced the collar of his friend’s shirt until his fingers were pushing the buttons free.

Jared glanced up at Jensen's face, the rosy tint to his cheeks that just highlighted his freckles. His eyes were all dark, the pupils surrounded by a sliver of jade green and Jared sucked in a full breath then blew it out slowly.

Meeting Jared's gaze, Jensen waited until Jared had completely undone his buttons before undoing the ones on each cuff and shrugging the material off. His heart flipped oddly in his chest when it was both just Jared and he, shirtless and sitting on the mattress staring at each other. He smiled softly and pushed off his knees, closing the distance between them so their chest met first before their lips. Jensen's eyes fell closed as his head tilted to the side, lips parting to graze along Jared's.

Letting himself fall forward slightly, Jared tilted his head to the side to slant his mouth over Jensen's. It was like he remembered it - only different. There was none of the urgency from their last _real_ kiss. It was gentle and slow, but the heat that flooded Jared's body was instant and he was caught off guard by his own half gasp half moan.

Jared's hand slid straight up over Jensen's chest then under his arm, pulling him closer. Everywhere their skin touched, Jared could feel the strangest tingling sensation - cold under hot - like his nerve endings were just firing randomly.

"Jared," Jensen whispered against the boy's lips and he pushed him back, lowering him down onto the pillow, lips sliding over his once more. His mind was reeling from the stir of sensations, heat casting waves down his body and Jensen moaned as he half lay on top of the boy and kissed harder, more sure.

Jensen's hands tucked between them, sliding over Jared's skin, and he gasped when a slight twist pulled just slightly at his nipple ring. Pushing his hands down into the mattress on either side of Jared, Jensen lifted up enough to stare down at him, tracing the taste of Jared lingering on his lips. "I want... to do, more. More then just kiss. Would that be okay?" He lowered himself slightly, lips brushing against Jared's jaw, his neck, his collarbone.

Everything in Jared's body, his mind, his heart was focused on Jensen. The way his friend's lips moved along his shoulder stirred the fire inside his gut. It was a burning ache, exquisitely painful because it just wasn't enough. _More than just a kiss_. The words reverberated unhindered through his mind. He'd thought so much about _more_ and what it might be like. Just knowing how intensely he felt the kisses, the heat from Jensen body - and _God_ the weight of the other boy above him.

There was no question in Jared's mind this time. _More_. "Yes," he murmured. His head fell back against the pillow and his fingers traced the smooth flesh on Jensen's back.

At Jared's whispered word, Jensen inhaled shakily, lips moving along the length of Jared's collarbone. Shifting to the side, Jensen dug his elbow down into the mattress and stared down at his friend, fingers sliding across his chest. "Will you tell me, if it's too much?" He whispered, finger circling around Jared's belly button, dipping in and drawing out. Sliding his fingers lower still, Jensen traced the smooth, creamy feel of skin just where it met Jared's waist band. Jensen couldn't get enough of watching Jared, seeing the flush growing across his face and chest, watching the slight writhe and twist of his body.

For just a moment he bit down on his bottom lip before he fell forward once more, pressing his lips to the middle of Jared's chest, sliding down, to the side. His tongue flickered out and swiped once along his nipple, stomach churning with Jared's quick inhale in response. As his fingers twisted around the button on Jared's slacks, he circled his lips over the coppery disk, dragging his teeth along the sensitive nub, sucking with enough pressure to pull it in.

A wave of emotion cascaded down Jared's body. Long neck arching up, his chest pushed up off the bed. The slick feel of Jensen's mouth started a tremble somewhere inside him. Little sparks of pleasure dusted across Jared's skin and everywhere Jensen's fingers brushed his flesh he could feel his muscles clench, then relax - a wave of pleasure so intense Jared felt a little dizzy.

Groaning softly, Jared planted a foot on the mattress and pushed his body up, hunting for more. Their mouths slid together again, sucking, licking, a gentle nip then a harder bite. It was the winding up - Jared could feel everything in his body speeding up. Panting softly he curled both hands around Jensen's neck. Goose bumps appeared across his chest and Jared couldn't help but smile, fingers combing through his friend’s hair.

Jensen panted open mouthed against Jared's lips as he dragged the zipper of the man's slacks down. A small moan fell from him, heart flipping his chest as his fingers brushed the boy's obvious arousal through his boxers. "I want... to touch you," he murmured, tongue snaking out to trail along Jared's lower lip. His heart was thundering hard in his chest now, pulse racing overtime and his fingers grazed along the cotton, breath hitching at the very thought of how close he was. Almost touching Jared's skin, almost able to curl his fingers around flesh. Jensen had never wanted something so badly, never wanted to _feel_ something so much.

Jared tried to remember the reasons that this wasn't a good idea - but things had been going so well - and _God_ how could he be expected to think. The way Jensen's tongue moved over his lips, in his mouth made it hard to breathe. Reaching down between them Jared gripped Jensen's hand and pressed it down against his boxers. Moaning he crushed his mouth against Jensen's, sucking in short breaths through his nose. It was dizzying and Jared felt like he was shivering with pleasure but wasn't even able to tell if he was moving anymore.

Knowing Jared wanted this sent a sharp thrill through Jensen. He kissed Jared back just as roughly, tongue fighting against Jared's. Jensen's hand slid up, fingers tucking under the elastic and sliding down, just barely grazing along fine downy hairs. Pulling back from the kiss, Jensen stared down into Jared's eyes, wanting to see the look on the boy's face the moment his fingers first caressed the skin. It was silky heat just as he'd anticipated, thick and full and Jensen's fingers curled around the base, dragged up slowly, boxers shifting against his wrist.

Holding his breath Jared gazed up into Jensen's eyes for a few moments before he gasped, his lashes fluttered closed and his hips rocked up into the touch. His hands slid up over Jensen's back, nails dragging over the skin and he tried to pull him closer.

"Jensen..." he whispered. Overwhelmed by the way his body was responding, Jared panted harder for a few moments, muttered something incoherent then managed to get a hand tangled in Jensen's hair. "God." He breathed out the word in one long shudder.

Regardless of this not being the first time Jensen touched someone like this, it seemed as if nothing could compare to this moment. Jared shifted and writhed beneath his touch and Jensen couldn't stop watching; only breaking away when Jared crushed their lips together once more.

Twisting his free hand down between them, Jensen pulled at Jared's waistline until the clothing held tight along his thighs. "You're just..." Jensen breathed against Jared's mouth, tongue wetting his lips and Jared's in one swipe. "God this..." he gasped, squeezing Jared's dick firmly and sliding up.

Jared's body curled up towards Jensen's. He was shaking, clinging on to Jensen's back and wondering how he was even still alive. He'd never felt anything like that before. No touch - had ever felt so intense - so strong and almost shocking. "Wait," he murmured, "wait I want-" Moaning, Jared buried his face in Jensen's neck and sucked on the skin, tongue frantically lapping at his friend's flesh.

Moaning low in his throat Jensen twisted against Jared's side, head falling back to grant Jared more room. "What?" He gasped; thumb sliding up over the slit, smearing pre-come along his flesh. "What do you want Jared?" Jensen panted softly, eyes clenching shut as Jared's lips worked over his skin.

Jared moaned against Jensen's neck, biting down hard when pleasure slammed into him once more. Pulling back a little he struggled to speak, throat tight with emotion and nerves; Jared was drowning in sensation. "Wanna touch you too," he whispered. Blinking he fell back a little, pushing Jensen's hand away gently. "Get up?"

"I think that would effectively cease touching," Jensen pointed out but did as Jared requested, sliding back until he was standing. His stomach churned oddly as he stood, leaning against the mattress to keep himself upright.

Pushing up until he could sit Jared slipped a leg on either side of Jensen's. "I've never touched a guy - well, you... but not like this." He wanted to feel everything - the way Jensen was making _him_ feel. Spreading his fingers wide, Jared pressed his hands to Jensen's body pushing up; his palms rasped over Jensen's skin. It was smooth, soft and Jared peered up at Jensen's face. Something inside Jared wanted to know that his touch affected Jensen the same way, gave him those waves of pleasure that were still lingering in Jared's own body.

When his finger bumped against Jensen's nipple ring, Jared sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. Running his finger slowly over the ring he watched Jensen's cheeks color, could feel the rise and fall of his friend's chest get deeper as he panted slightly. "I like the way you feel," Jared murmured.

"Y-yeah?" Jensen whispered, staring through a lust haze down at Jared. "That... that feels good," Jensen gasped as Jared's fingers pulled just slightly at the ring. He hadn't even realized how very good it would feel, just the vaguest sensation before from Jared's touch but this moment was different. There was more to this. Jensen could feel it humming through him and he lifted a hand, threading fingers through the boy's hair and curling softly.

Letting his hands slid back down Jensen's body Jared pulled him closer, close enough to press his lips to Jensen's ribs. He licked and kissed his way across the boy's chest, lapping up the _taste_ of him.

Jared stretched up, leaning forward and pressed his chin to the center of his friend's chest. Catching his breath for a few moments he smiled, bleary eyed and captivated by the expression on Jensen's face. Flicking out his tongue he realized he could catch the bottom of Jensen's nipple ring; Jensen moaned and Jared's eyes darkened. The sound, _that_ moan from Jensen went straight down Jared's body to his already aching cock.

Tugging Jensen forward, Jared flicking the ring again with his tongue, loving the way it made Jensen's body jolt every-so-slightly. It was all he could think of - that ring - and Jared pulled Jensen forward until the boy had to kneel against the mattress and finally Jared's lips could circle the small nub of flesh. His teeth clacked slightly against the ring and then he caught it between them and tugged back a little.

"Oh Jesus," Jensen gasped, body curving into Jared's as the boy pulled at the ring, sending sparks of pleasure down his spine. He'd always been into the idea of the nipple ring before but now he was actually _grateful_ for it.

"Shit Jared," he moaned, arm hooking around Jared's neck to hold him there against his body. He wanted to touch, to feel Jared's skin flush against his, hell at this point he'd give anything just to spend the rest of the night like this, maybe even the rest of the week. Lashes fluttering, Jensen's head fell back as his he curved against Jared once more, pleasure ricocheting through his system.

Sucking, teasing the nipple ring with his tongue, Jared slid his hand along the waistband of Jensen's pants. He fumbled with the button then tugged the zipper down. His thoughts were consumed with getting Jensen naked, he wanted to feel all of him, explore his body - _know_ it. As soon as he could he slipped his hands down under Jensen's boxers then pushed them down - the heat of the boy's flesh perfect against his palms.

Pants and boxers slid down over Jensen's thighs and Jared moaned softly against Jensen's nipple. He could feel Jensen's cock, hard, silken heat caught between their bodies. He waited until Jensen managed to stand long enough to step out of his pants, then locked his teeth on the nipple ring again and curled his fingers around his friend's cock.

The sharp wave of pleasure that rocked through Jensen was enough to make him dizzy. He swayed into Jared's touch, sucking in quick breaths to try and steady himself.

"Gotta, lay down," Jensen gasped and fell to the side the moment Jared's mouth was free of his nipple ring. He reached out to push at Jared's pants until the man kicked them off the rest of the way and they were both finally naked. Wetting his lips slowly, Jensen allowed himself to take in the full weight of _everything_. Being here, naked with Jared, both panting heavily. "Whoa," he whispered, hand falling to Jared's chest, sliding down to his hipbones.

Smiling weakly, Jared shifted closer. He wasn't done with the whole touching thing yet, not _nearly_ done. "You should get more piercings," he murmured.

Running just the pads of his fingers over Jensen's cheek, across his lips, then down his neck - Jared closed his eyes. Every curve, every line - he tried to commit it all to memory. "It's good. This. It's good," he wasn't sure if Jensen still needed any convincing. The way his cock was pressing against Jared's thigh - he figured his friend was as turned on as he was.

"It's very good," Jensen agreed, and reached out, hooking his hand around Jared's neck and tugging him forward. He rolled them both so Jared slid over him, spreading his legs so he fell between them.

Jensen moaned against the boy's mouth as their cocks slid together, sparking sensation up through him. "Jared," he gasped and slanted his lips over Jared's, tongue sweeping forward into his mouth. Jensen's hips writhed beneath Jared's, skin tingling as if each touch was like little bolts of lightning sparking across his skin.

A low groan was all Jared managed to get out of his throat before he was lost again to the feeling. The heat of their bodies mingled and Jared's heart was thudding so hard he could feel it everywhere in his body. The kiss, lips and tongues, heat, wet - _God_ \- it was perfect and crazy and Jared never wanted to stop. Gripping Jensen's hair he tugged hard, felt Jensen's body tremble and tightened his grip.

It was so easy to settle down on Jensen's body. Their cocks slid together, Jensen's hips were rolling and twisting beneath him and Jared felt like he could come just watching the other boy's face. Bliss. That's what he would call that expression. Jensen's eyes were darkened with lust when they were open and then his lashes would fall to his cheeks, his lips would part, tongue glancing across the swollen flesh.

"Jared," Jensen gasped, hips snapping up into Jared's. He could feel his control slipping, the thrill at touching someone, feeling someone against him like this, and it had been _so_ long since he even barely touched someone. He wanted this to last forever, wanted to forever feel Jared over him, flesh against his own. "I'm... god Jared it's too good," he moaned, hooking one leg high up on Jared's thigh to pull him in harder against his skin.

"Ohgod," Jared's voice grated past his lips as lust slammed into him. Thrusting his hips down, Jared moaned as the sensitive flesh of his cock rubbed against Jensen's hard flesh. It was incredible; too much and not enough and every breath was an effort. Jared could only try to move his hands over the writhing body beneath him; he needed that connection to Jensen.

An almost-whimper left Jared's lips and he slanted his mouth over Jensen's again, tongue thrusting forward to graze over the boys smooth teeth then sweep across the roof of his mouth. Holding himself up slightly Jared tore his lips away and rolled his hips against Jensen's. It was painfully sweet - that glide of hard flesh against hard flesh.

Head rolling back into the pillow, Jensen gasped, panted, eyes fluttering open and closed as Jared's cock slid over his time and time again. "Fuck," he groaned, fingers curving and digging his nails into Jared's back. He wanted him closer, wanted _more_ but at the same time his release was so very close he could _feel_ it bubbling right there under the surface.

Jensen's free hand slid down, finding purchase against Jared's ass, squeezing the muscle and pulling him in. "Gotta, Jared, so close, _please_ ," he moaned, needing his release.

Those words, the way Jensen _wanted_ him sent Jared's mind reeling. He thrust faster, hard against Jensen's body. Each snap of his hips rubbed the heated flesh of their cocks together and Jared could feel all that heat and longing swirling together in his belly. His orgasm began to grow inside him, like tingling fingers working their way out through his flesh. Moaning, he thrust again, sliding their bodies together and trying to keep his eyes open.

Jensen was gorgeous beneath him, clinging to Jared's body - the pain of his nails digging into Jared's back gave him just that extra awareness of how painfully-good everything was. Sinking forward as it became too much Jared slammed his mouth against Jensen's just as he came. Every part of his body jolted forward in time with each pulse of come that shot out of his cock.

Feeling Jared come against him, the splash of heat against his body sent Jensen tumbling over the edge. He could feel the muscles along his body tightening, the swelling heat and the way it soaked over him. Jensen almost felt as if he weren't a part of this world, like Jared had taken him to some place he couldn't grasp. When he finally felt a little more aware of things Jared's body was pressing down into his and Jensen was sucking in slow, deep breaths. "Wow," he murmured, hands sliding slowly up through Jared's hair.

Humming his agreement softly, Jared buried his face in Jensen's neck and kissed his gently. His heart was finally slowing down even thought his body was still twitching slightly. Easily, the best orgasm Jared had ever had in his life and _God_ it was with a guy - but that _guy_ was Jensen and somehow that made it all even better. A smile crept onto his lips and he laughed softly, sliding off Jensen's body in case he was crushing him.

Jensen blinked up at the ceiling, eyes fluttering slowly open and closed. He felt relaxed, pleasantly warm, _amazing_. "We... shouldn't have waited so long." Jensen breathed, laughing softly. "That was really... yeah." Jensen nodded and let his head fall to the side, peering at his roommate. "Yeah? That was..."

"Fucking incredible?" Jared laughed again and slid his palm up over Jensen's cheek. "Does this mean? Well. Are we - is this just friends?" He could feel his cheeks heat up and turned away slightly, letting his fingers trail down over his friend's jaw.

"Well, I don't..." Jensen sighed softly and wet his lips, scooting into Jared's side. "Do you, are you interested in um, more? In not just friends?" Jensen felt so different toward Jared than he had back when they'd first had their long talk, when he'd told Jared his whole story. He cared for him, wanted to spend time with him, and the idea of being together, it was more appealing than he might admit too.

"If you don't want that, it's okay." Jared dropped his gaze and bit down on his bottom lip.

"I do want that. I just, I kind of thought you didn't," Jensen shrugged, peering up at Jared. "But I mean, if you don't. That's okay too."

"You do? Really?"

"Yeah, I do. I wish you'd answer me because um, I'd appreciate not being the only one on the line here." Jensen scrunched his face up, itching at his nose in attempt to hide the blush on his cheeks.

"Are you asking me something?" Jared's lips twitched as he tried to hide his smile.

Jensen groaned and rolled his eyes, pushing weekly at Jared's chest. "C'mon, you suck. You started this conversation so like, you know. You should work with me here and stop pretending like you don't know what I'm talking about." He pursed his lips together, peering up at Jared with narrowed eyes. His heart was fluttering in his chest once more, excited and nervous.

Licking his lips, Jared shrugged a shoulder as his smile grew. "Can we be together? Like, I dunno. Does that make us? _Would_ that make us boyfriends?" His eyes were a little wide as the idea formed in his mind.

"Boyfriends," Jensen said slowly, unable to fight the smile growing on his lips. "I uh, yeah. Yes. I think that sounds... good." He nodded and rolled to the side of the bed, snagging his shirt and using it to wipe at his stomach, hastily gliding it over Jared a moment later before tossing it to the side.

Jensen pressed up against Jared's body, arm wrapping around his middle, lips pressing to his shoulder. "I've never really had a boyfriend before." He murmured, nose rubbing slowly along Jared's shoulder. "It's pretty cool."

"Well," Jared laughed softly, "you know I haven't." Wrapping his arms around Jensen he pulled him tightly against his body. "Boyfriend," he said, "boyfriend." It didn't feel as weird as he'd thought it might. "Oh!"

Rolling forward and pushing Jensen onto his back Jared leaned across his chest to reach for his cell phone then flopped onto his back beside Jensen so he could see the screen as he started up a text message.

"For Chad," he murmured as he picked out the keys.

 _ **JP**_ : Guess what? Jensen's my boyfriend now. You jealous?

Hitting send he rolled back toward Jensen and grinned.

"I can't believe we decide to be boyfriends and the first thing you do is text Chad," Jensen huffed, laughing despite the tone of his voice that suggested he wasn't amused. Jared's phone beeped and Jensen rolled his eyes.

 _ **CMM**_ : Gross fucker. Your rooms gonna reek now. Sick.

"It's all part of my plan to keep him from barging in here." Jared looked very pleased with himself. "Besides, he's still my best friend." Jared trailed his fingers back up Jensen's chest and knocked the phone onto the floor. "I wanted to tell someone."

Smiling softly, Jensen thought how cool it would be if he could tell his sister, she'd be so happy for him. And she'd love Jared, he already knew this. "Well, if it keeps Chad from barging in," he chuckled softly and pulled Jared in so their lips could brush together.

"Can I give you something without you getting mad at me?" Jared shifted nervously and stared down at Jensen.

"Um, the fact that you have to ask is worrisome," Jensen said softly, meeting his _boyfriend's_ gaze.

Leaning over his boyfriend again Jared pulled his notebook toward him and opened it. Pulling out a small piece of paper he closed the notebook and put it back then settled against Jensen's side. Pressing the paper to Jensen's chest he leaned his head on the boy's shoulder. "I guess it doesn't matter if you get mad. I just-" Jared tilted his chin up to look at Jensen's face. "I know it was none of my business really, except it was because I know how much it hurt you. And - it was actually something I could do. There aren't always things I can do... for people, you know?"

Blowing out a breath Jared slid the paper over until it was pressed against Jensen's heart and took his hand away.

Frowning slightly at Jared's words, Jensen considered him for a moment before lifting the paper, pulling it back to stare at it. There was an address and for a long minute Jensen was unsure what that could mean. Then a suggestion of a thought came into his mind and he swallowed thickly, looking slowly back up toward Jared. "Is this... what I think it is? This address-" he exhaled slowly, eyes dropping back down to the paper.

"Mack's address." Jared worried his bottom lip with his teeth for a few moments. "I talked to my Dad, he's a lawyer yeah? And, the thing is - Dad says they have no right to keep you away from her. You didn't do anything to her- well, you know how it all happened better than I do. He got the address and he says that if you want - he'll contact her foster mother and ensure she understands who you are." Jared ran out of breath and sank back onto the bed - completely unable to judge Jensen's reaction.

"Wow." Jensen curled the paper around his finger. The idea of being able to talk to his sister, to _see_ her again, made his heart quicken in anticipation. "So... I could see her? I mean, could your dad arrange that? Maybe over the winter holiday?" He traced the address, as if it was a physical link to his sister.

"Yeah, if she wants to - my Dad will make sure you're able to go. I'm sorry; I hope this wasn't like way out of line." Jared pulled back a little further feeling almost like he was intruding on Jensen's thoughts.

"What? Jared, no, this-" Jensen sighed shakily and set the paper to the side, launching across the bed to throw his arms around Jared. "It's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I, god. _God_ what if she doesn't want to see me?" Jensen pulled back, staring wide eyed at his boyfriend. "Will you go with me? I know, it's a lot to ask but... I mean, just for support. Would you?"

Nodding, Jared smiled. "Of course I'll go with you. Jensen, she's going to want to see you - you're her brother." Relief flooded through Jared. He knew that Jensen was very private - that what he'd told him about his sister he'd told him in confidence and Jared had spent a lot of time wondering if he'd done the right thing. Apparently, he had, judging by the way Jensen was squeezing the life out of him.

Laughing in slight disbelief, Jensen rolled into Jared, pressing against his side and burying his head in his neck. "Thank you. This-" he pressed his lips hard to Jared's neck before falling back. "Thank you, really Jared. I thought I might never be able to find her." Jensen shifted up to press his lips to Jared's, kissing him hard.

The kiss took his breath away and Jared slid his arms around his boyfriend's waist.

When Jensen finally broke from the kiss Jared grinned a bit dopily and murmured, "you're welcome." There were a thousand other things he could say but - the look of happiness on Jensen's face was kind of making it hard for Jared to think.

-=-=-=-

"Hey Jensen, been awhile," Mr. Collins looked up as Jensen stepped in the classroom, smiling brightly at him.

"I see you in class," Jensen pointed out and laughed, crossing the room and pulling up the chair by his desk. "But, yeah, I know. I've been eating lunch with Jared and Chad. It was... Chad invited me. It was pretty unexpected."

"Well, that's great," Mr. Collins grinned and shifted on his seat. "So what brings you here now then?"

Jensen shrugged, a wide grin curving his lips up. "I felt bad, for blowing you off without telling you why. And um, Jared and I have been spending a lot of time together so I thought he and Chad could use some one on one time, you know, so Chad doesn't get jealous."

"Is there something for Chad to be jealous of?" The teacher asked curiously, fingers picking at stained paint on his sleeve.

"Oh um." Jensen flushed and rolled his shoulders in a shrug. "Well. Yeah. Kind of. Yeah. Jared told Chad he's bi." Jensen blurted out, laughing at the surprise on his teacher's face. "Then. Stuff. But, that's not. Anyway, Jared asked me out kind of, no he didn't but it wasn't like, will you go out with me. We just sort of decided and yeah so-"

"Whoa Jensen, you should do the breathing thing, I've heard it's important."

"Shut up," Jensen grumbled and rolled his eyes, still smiling regardless. "Anyway. We're boyfriends. Which is just, fucking awesome of course. _Oh_ and you know what he did? He found my sister. Well, his dad found my sister. He's going to contact her, to see if we can get together." It wasn't until after Jensen blurted the words that he realized the teacher couldn't possibly understand why that was so important. He wasn't quite ready to share his story with another person though, no matter how cool Mr. Collins might be.

The teacher smiled softly and nodded. "That's great Jensen. It's nice to see you so happy. I've seen you in class, I thought things might be going better for you, with the way you three have been disrupting my classes recently."

"It's mostly Chad," Jensen reassured and grinned, reaching to take the offered vitamin water. "So, you're not going to lecture me or something? About how I shouldn't be with Jared because we're roommates and everything and something bad could happen?"

Mr. Collins wet his lips and shrugged. "I could. But I think you'd just get mad at me, so I won't. You seem to be aware of the consequences, should you two break up you still have to share a room. So you know, just be careful. And safe sex and all."

Jensen's nose scrunched up and he shook his head. "Let's just... not talk about sex at all okay?"

The teacher grinned and nodded. "Agreed."


	6. Chapter 6

"Damn." Jensen slid across the slick leather of the seat, eyes roaming around the back of the Mercedes.

"This what you ride around in? At home?" Jensen finally turned to look at his boyfriend. In the last few months they'd been together Jensen had learned several things about Jared, one being you'd never realize the type of life he came from if you didn't know his last name. Jared was nothing like some of the rich, snot nosed kids in their school and being in this car reminded Jensen that he _was_ rich. Just not snot nosed. "Do you always have a driver?"

"My Dad says I can't have a car because I'm _irresponsible_. Really? I didn't want one anyway 'cause it’s kinda snobby, I dunno. Anyway, yeah. Oh!" Jared leaned forward and pulled the handle to open the door to the bar. "Do you like Scotch?"

Sliding the bottle for his father's _best_ toward them Jared flipped over a couple of glasses. "I hate Scotch," he muttered as he poured himself a glass.

"Then why do you drink it?" Jensen asked curiously, slightly amused smile on his lips. When Jared went to pour him a glass he reached out and touched his arm. "No. I, um, I don't really drink. Or I haven't. So, no. Thanks though."

"Because, Jensen, it irritates the _hell_ out of my father." Jared lifted the glass and held it up before downing it. Coughing for a few moments he slid the glass back into the bar and closed it. "It's his favourite Scotch, really expensive and the fact that he notices that it's disappearing and he doesn't notice sometimes when I'm home - well..." Jared smiled sadly and flicked the privacy screen before leaning back beside Jensen.

Looping an arm around his boyfriend, Jensen pushed aside nerves of seeing his sister again and focused in on the boy. "It's odd. Sometimes I think... how great it would be if my dad were still alive. Only then I never would have met you. And, weirdly enough, it works for you too. Because if you hadn't done the prank thing thing we wouldn't have been roommates. So in a way your dad is responsible for us getting together." Jensen smiled softly, turning to press a kiss to Jared's hair.

"Well, that's one reason to like him anyway." Jared smiled and turned toward Jensen. "Can I kiss you even though I taste like alcohol now?" Jared had decided after _much_ research that there was never too much kissing.

Chuckling softly, Jensen nodded. "You like to make out with me when you've been drinking. Or, well, always really." He laughed louder and pressed forward, lips sliding familiar and soft over Jared's.

Humming softly, Jared slid his hand down the back of the seat to slide down into the pocket of his boyfriend's jeans. "Ohh," he moaned, "I love you in jeans. I can't wait till we're at school somewhere with no uniforms."

Pulling back slightly, Jensen's head tilted to the side as he considered his boyfriend. "You mean like, in college?" This was the first time Jared had made any sort of comment referring to a future, their future, and though Jensen had been wondering about it, he'd also been avoiding it. Jensen had applied to some colleges, even some of the Ivy League ones Jared was sure to be going to but he hadn't heard back yet and even then he'd need a full ride scholarship to even think about going.

"Yeah, well, I mean. I thought maybe we might end up somewhere the same. You left the applications on your desk so I just applied to all the same places." Jared could feel himself start to blush. He'd deliberately avoided having a conversation about it - even though he knew they should have. It just seemed too early but he figured if he had sent the applications in and things went well for them he'd be further ahead. "It was stupid. I'm stupid." Covering his eyes with his hand Jared sank further down in the seat.

"No. No, not stupid," Jensen twisted on the seat, climbing over Jared's lap and sitting on his thighs. He grinned down at him, hands sliding up into his hair to tug the boy's head up so their eyes could meet. "I'm glad. I... was hoping. I just didn't want you to feel pressured. It's good, really good. Okay?" Jensen dipped down to press their lips together, heart fluttering happily in his chest.

"Mhhmm," Jared murmured. If doing things like applying to college got him a lap full of Jensen he'd be glad to do it again. Smiling against Jensen's lips, Jared tucked his hands into the backpockets of his boyfriend's jeans.

"So," Jared sat back, shifting Jensen closer, "how you doing?" Jensen had been a nervous wreck all morning and had, in fact, managed to get very little sleep the night before.

Smiling softly, Jensen leaned into the warmth of his boyfriend and shrugged. "Nervous. Scared a little. It's been... god it's been awhile. She's a teenager now, thirteen, almost fourteen. I'm just worried she will think I didn't try to look for her." Jensen blew out a slow breath, forehead resting against Jared's.

Jared pressed his lips together for a few moments, fingers curling and uncurling in Jensen's pockets. "I guess I think that - she would have always wanted to see you. Look at it this way, if she ever asked to see you - someone would have explained to her that you hadn't been given the address. It makes me mad - they had no right to keep you from her for so long." Jared sighed.

"They didn't. I'm not even sure why they did. Everyone in the court system knew why I did what I did and it wasn't like Mack was even a fan of my step dad so," Jensen shrugged and pressed his lips to Jared's. "Thank you for coming with me. I owe you big time. And for the ride, not sure how I would have gotten there."

"Hey, it's what awesome boyfriends do. They also make out in the backs of cars to distract each other when they're nervous." Digging his fingers into Jensen's ass he pulled his boyfriend up against him.

-=-=-=-

It could have been any other house, Jensen never would have noticed it if he happened to be walking by. The outside was blue and white and Jensen could hear kids laughing. He wondered if there were lots of foster kids here, and if Mackenzie was waiting for him. "I can't do this," Jensen breathed, turning wide eyes up at Jared. "What if she hates me? What if she-" he exhaled slowly and stepped back from the door.

Sliding his arm around Jensen's shoulder Jared pulled him in close to his side. "She is _not_ going to hate you and you _can_ do this. I'll be right there with you, _right_ there. One nod and we're gone. You need me you just look at me. Okay?" There were times when Jared's heart ached a little because of how much he cared about Jensen.

"Okay," Jensen nodded slowly and took a deep breath, stepping forward just enough to jam his finger into the doorbell. He stepped back against Jared's side in the next heartbeat, inhaling deeply to calm his nerves. "I can introduce you as my boyfriend right? She knows I'm gay." Jensen looked over at Jared, vaguely registering the pounding of feet inside the house.

"Okay." Jared blinked a few times and he made a mental note to ask Jensen about _that_ conversation. He was about to ask if it was okay to hold Jensen's hand when the door swung open.

Jensen inhaled quickly and grabbed Jared's hand, forcing a smile on his face for the woman standing there. "Oh hello," she looked between the two of them, down at their hands and back up. "Um, one of you is Jensen?"

"Yeah, that's me," he said quickly, holding out his hands. "Jensen Ackles. Sorry um, I'm a little nervous. This is my boyfriend Jared." He dropped his hand once the woman had let go, wiping his sweaty palm on his jeans.

"Nice to meet you both, I'm Alice, come on in." She smiled brighter at them and stepped back to allow them entrance. "Jared, was it?"

"Yes Ma'am, it's nice to meet you. My father said you've been very kind about this whole thing." Jared squeezed Jensen's hand and followed him into the house.

"Oh that was your dad? Yeah, he was so nice to set this all up. Mackenzie's been talking about it nonstop since we first found out." She led them down the hall, kicking toys out of the way as she went. Jensen liked how she didn't apologize for the mess like some people would, like she was _proud_ of it. "Why don't you boys wait here in the kitchen, I'll just go get her."

"Thanks," Jensen said, a bit belated since the woman had already left the room. Glancing around the kitchen, Jensen smiled and looked over at Jared. "She seems really nice."

"She does - and Mackenzie's been talking about it non-stop." Jared smirked and nudged Jensen's knee with his.

"Yeah, yeah," Jensen muttered, poking his boyfriend in the side.

"Jensen." The first sound of his sister's voice had Jensen closing his eyes, savouring the familiar tone.

When he opened them and turned it was to get an arm full of his little sister and Jensen thought his heart might literally burst.

"Mack," he choked on the name, squeezing her tightly. She smelled like honey, sugary sweet, and he inhaled deeply. She smelled like his mom, he realized a few minutes later and nearly gasped with the weight of it. "Mack, Mack, god," he pulled back enough to stare down at her, taking in all the changes from the last time he'd seen her.

She was taller now, blond hair long around her shoulders, green eyes bright and shiny. "Your ear is pierced." She said quietly and he laughed, lifting a hand to wipe at tears on his cheeks. "And you're taller. And you have muscles."

"You're wearing makeup," Jensen pointed out and pulled her in close once more, squeezing her hard enough he thought she might protest. She didn't, just wrapped arms around his middle and held him there. He heard a faint, choked sob and could feel something wet and warm against his shirt. "It's okay. It's okay, I'm here now," he whispered into her hair, eyes closing once more.

Blinking back the tears that had welled in his eyes, Jared reached up to brush his fingers down Jensen's arm, just to reassure him that he was still there and that he understood how special this moment was. Sitting back in his chair he wiped the tears from his cheeks.

The touch only vaguely registered through the weight of emotions coursing through him and it was some time later before Jensen finally managed to pull back enough from his sister to look toward Jared. "Mack, I want you to meet someone. This is Jared, my boyfriend. Jared, my sister Mackenzie."

Mackenzie's eyes widened as if she hadn't noticed the other boy and she grinned, wiping at her cheeks. "Jared the boyfriend. You're so cute," she giggled and bit down on her lip, blushing as her eyes turned down to her feet.

Laughing quietly Jared could feel himself start to blush and tugged at the neck of his t-shirt. "Thanks, it's nice to finally meet you Mack. I've heard a lot about you." He glanced up at Jensen and smiled.

"Nice to meet you too," she bumped into Jensen's side, turning her smile up to him. "You guys go to school together? Alice said you go to Winston Arms, that's all super snazzy. How in the world did you end up there?"

Jensen laughed and looped his arms around her, holding her close to reassure himself that she was actually there. "It's a _long_ story. Can we..." he looked up toward the door, seeing Alice there blowing her nose. "Can we go somewhere for awhile? Go get ice cream or um, whatever it is you like to do?"

"Ice cream would be cool," Mackenzie nodded, looking toward Alice as well. "Alice? Can I go?"

"Of course, there's a shop not too far from here, you guys could walk. Here let me get you some money." Alice turned to her purse.

Jensen looked toward Jared, wishing he could turn down her offer. He didn't want to ask Jared about it either though so he shuffled uncomfortably, arm still curled around his little sister.

"Jensen's not gonna let you pay on the day he gets to see his sister again if I know him - but thanks Alice." He pushed up from the chair and smiled at his boyfriend. "You guys want me to wait in the car, well, there's a library near here... I could-"

"Come with us," Mackenzie prompted, reaching out to snag Jared's hand. "If you're a part of Jensen's life I want to know you too."

Jensen grinned down at his sister, a swell of pride crawling up through his chest. "Yeah Jared, besides, I _know_ you want ice cream. Jared really likes his sugar." Jensen informed his sister with a laugh.

She joined in and grabbed Jensen's hand as well. "He's even taller than you. So you'll come? Right Jared?"

Nodding, Jared squeezed Mack's hand before dropping it and heading for the door. "I _love_ ice cream."

-=-=-=-

"I wrote you," Jensen said quietly, glancing over at Mackenzie. They were sitting in her room now, bellies full from ice cream. Jensen had spent an hour explaining his situation, smiling when Jared added bits about their relationship and how it grew. Then he'd listened to her talk about her change through foster homes, the few bad ones that had come before she'd ended up with Alice. She was the oldest in the house and enjoyed being able to play with the little kids. And the fact that she got her own room. "I must have, I don't know, a hundred letters. Maybe more. I've been saving them up."

Mackenzie shifted on her bed, small frown on her face. "Why didn't you send them too me? Alice said you didn't know I was here before Jared's dad helped."

"I tried to find you, called and everything. But... no one would say anything." Jensen sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. He wanted to lean against Jared, press into him but they'd agreed on the way back from the ice cream parlour that Jensen probably needed some one on one time with his sister. "I really tried Mack. I never wanted you to think... that I didn't want to see you."

Shifting across the bed, Mackenzie pressed into his side, laying her head on his shoulder. "Jen, I never thought that. I knew one day you'd find me. I _knew_ it."

Jensen didn't say how he hadn't been so confident on the subject. His arm wrapped around her, squeezing firmly once more. "Mack, there's so many things... about that last day. Everything that happened. I never got the chance to explain."

"Hey," Mackenzie pushed up and turned her face toward his, eyes wide. "You don't need to explain. I know what happened Jensen. I remember. Everything. You... you saved my life. Matt would have ra-"

"Don't," Jensen shook his head, bristling at the mention of his step father's name and the word he didn't let his sister finish. "I, God. No Mack, don't talk like that."

"Jen, Mrs. Wilson, that's my therapist they made me see, she says it's good to talk about it. You know, get things off your chest. Otherwise you can go insane." Mackenzie smiled sadly at him, ruffling his hair.

Jensen looked down at her, smiling. "When did you get so smart?"

"Well, someone has to be the smart one," she teased, poking his side. They were quiet a few minutes and she sighed softly. "I think... maybe you blame yourself. For the way things ended up, for me being here and stuff. It's not your fault Jensen. You saved me. You're the only family I have now. I love you, always. Okay?"

Tears pricked along Jensen's eyes and he pulled his sister close, squeezing her tight. "I love you too Mackeroni." It made his heart dip slightly to say the name and he guessed she felt likewise from the way she inhaled.

"I haven't heard that in so long," she whispered and Jensen felt tears on his neck. "I miss mom."

"God, Mack," Jensen sucked in a shaky breath, closing his eyes around a fresh wave of tears. "I miss her too. Every day. You look so much like her."

"You do too," she murmured softly and settled against Jensen's side.

For awhile he was content simply to hold her, remembering all the nights he'd done the same thing when things had started to get out of hand. Back then, Jensen had only found comfort in the quiet moments when he could hold his sister close and _know_ she was safe. "I'm going to see you more often okay? As much as I can," Jensen promised in a whisper against her hair. "And this summer, we'll do something okay? I don't know what, and I don't have any money but it'll happen."

"Jen," Mackenzie giggled softly and slapped his chest. "Just being with you for awhile is enough. Can you call me? And... can I have the letters?"

Staring down into Mackenzie's eyes, Jensen smiled and nodded. "Yeah, definitely. I'll call so much you'll be sick of me."

"Not possible." She grinned and glanced up at the door when Alice pushed it open. Her smile fell and she sighed quietly once more. "Dinner time?"

"Yeah, and Jensen should probably head back to his school," Alice smiled, leaving the door open as she stepped back into the hall. "Of course he's welcome to visit any time."

"I'll be doing that," Jensen reassured and slid off the bed with his sister.

They walked silently down the stairs and to the front door, Jensen's fingers curled around Mackenzie's. He hated the idea of saying goodbye and forced himself to remember this wasn't forever. "So," she said quietly at the front door, eyes fixed down on the ground.

"Don't cry Mack, please, this... it's just right now," he said softly and cupped her chin, tilting her head up. "I'll tell Jared you said goodbye."

"Okay," she whispered and stepped in, throwing her arms around him. "You're happy right Jensen? You're happy with your life now?"

"For the most part, yeah. Yes. I am. Especially now that I've got to see you again," Jensen wrapped his arms around her, lips pressing into her hair. "You're happy?"

"Yeah," she grinned and pulled back, ruffling his hair. "Talk to you later bro."

Jensen laughed and pressed a kiss to her temple, breathing in her honey scent one more time before heading out the door. He turned to give her a final wave before heading down the walk to the car waiting out there. Pulling the door open, Jensen slid in the seat, smiling at his boyfriend. "Hey."

"Hey," Jared said sleepily. He'd drifted off in the car waiting. Tilting his head his brow furrowed, Jensen looked exhausted and sad, "hey." Lifting his arm Jared nodded at the driver as Jensen settled against his side. "You okay?"

Sighing softly, Jensen turned into Jared's body, closing his eyes. "Yeah. She's... it was really good to see her. Hard to leave her though. I'm glad you came with. You two really hit it off." He tilted his head up to Jared's neck, pressing his lips to the skin.

"God, she's an awesome kid Jensen. She looks like you - same eyes, and same sense of humour." As the car started to move Jared flicked the switch for the privacy screen again. "You know, you can take the car anytime you want and see her." Sighing he turned into Jensen's hair and breathed in the scent of his boyfriend.

"Thank you," he smiled softly and wrapped his arm around Jared's middle. "You'll have to come too though. Sometimes at least. Maybe she can even come visit sometime and see the campus. But... when Chad's away. It would just be very unbrotherly of me to subject her to him." Jensen laughed, pulling back enough to look up at Jared. "You really are the best boyfriend in the world."

"It's easy," Jared shrugged, "I love you." Jared blinked slowly and looked down. "Wow, I-" He cleared his throat and buried his face in Jensen's hair again.

The words shocked Jensen, settling over him and making his heart quicken. "You... love me?" He whispered, biting down on his lip. Jensen wasn't sure he could name all the things he was feeling for Jared, and there was a real chance it could be that, _love_ , but he'd never felt it for someone outside family and he just didn't know. "Jared... I. Wow."

Jared knew how difficult Jensen's life had been. He knew about the boy's difficulty with trust and even making connections with people. Jensen had come so far in such a short period of time but Jared knew this could be one of those things that made him shut down again; that was the last thing he wanted.

"It's okay," Jared murmured into his boyfriend's hair. "Let's just. Let's just pretend like you know now and it's okay and, and we don't have to talk about it anymore okay?" Closing his eyes Jared tightened his hold on his boyfriend. "You're the best thing in my life; don't let me scare you away."

Settling against Jared's side, Jensen nodded slowly. He felt bad not being able to say it back but he knew Jared understood. Jared knew everything about him. "It's okay? That I can't. I mean, I feel... Jared..." he sighed shakily; worried that Jared wouldn't want to stick around if Jensen couldn't give things back to him. Say the words in return even if it was what he was feeling.

Sure, there was a little ache to hear Jensen say the same thing back but Jared could wait. Jensen was worth waiting for. "I'm good. We're good." Jared pulled back a little and met Jensen's gaze. "See?" He smiled and kissed Jensen's forehead.

"Yeah," he nodded, smiling back at Jared and curving his fingers around his jaw. "You're the best thing in my life too." Jensen whispered. It was the closest he could get right now and he leaned up, pressing his lips to Jared's.

Smiling, Jared brushed his lips across Jensen's then turned to kiss his boyfriend's hand.

-=-=-=-

"Dude," Jared shoved a pizza box off Mike's bed, "you guys ever heard of cleaning?" Cringing, Jared leaned back and got comfortable. Jensen was doing some studying in the Library and Jared had decided he'd missed Chad. Of course, that feeling had faded a little once he'd seen the state of the guy's room.

"We clean. Have cleaned. Once I think," Chad shrugged and snatched at a bag of Cheeto's, stuffing some in his mouth. "Where's your hip attachment? Off being a good student and all that shit?"

"Yup, studying. Library." Jared held out his hand and motioned with his fingers for the Cheeto's. When Chad handed them over Jared peered in the bag and grabbed a handful before tossing the bag back.

"What you been doing? Terrorizing Sophia?" Chad was going to die with a crush on Sophia, Jared was convinced.

"Something or other. 'Cept I kinda hooked up with Hilary last weekend and now she thinks we're dating," Chad groaned and flopped back on his bed. "Women. Enough to make me go gay too. How's that workin' out for you anyway?" Chad asked, head tilting to the side to peer at his friend.

Trying not to smile too convincingly Jared glanced up at Chad. "It's goin' good. Met Jensen's sister, she's pretty sweet."

"You totally want to have his ass babies huh?" Chad snorted, pushing up and reaching out to grab the bag of Cheeto's from Jared.

"Ass babies? Really?" Jared smirked and rolled his eyes.

Chad snorted and threw a Cheeto at him. "Dude, whatever. You're fuckin' seeing stars over the guy. You know how many times I catch you making these fuckin' Bambi eyes at him? It's kinda sweet in a gross, ass fucking way."

Laughing, Jared pulled his feet up on Mike's bed and flicked the cheeto back in Chad's direction. "Chad, you're an ass but I know in your own special way you're acknowledging that you're happy for me. Don't worry; I won't make you use your adult words to say it." Grin plastered to his face Jared dropped his gaze. Chad really _was_ a better friend than most people gave him credit for being.

"I don't know any fucking adult words," Chad grumbled and snatched the Cheeto up, popping it into his mouth. "Hey dude, you should know. I heard a couple rumours, about Jensen. Not sure if it means anything or whatever but, just tell him to keep his eyes open yeah?"

Jared's smile faded quickly. He knew how the school worked - students could be shitty to each other. " _O_ kay." Jared's brow wrinkled as he felt worry start to gnaw at him. "What... what did you hear?"

"Nothing real specific, they shut up pretty quick when I came in the room." Chad fixed his eyes on his friend and shrugged. "You know I'd tell you more if I could. For whatever the fuckin' reason, that little gay freak has warmed on me. I just know Justin and Henry were talking to Mitch, and you know how Mitch's always the one who can just, get stuff for you. Keys, drugs, alcohol, whatever. I heard Jensen's name. It's enough to make a note."

"Yeah," Jared looked down at his fingers where they were digging into his thighs. "Sure, I'll - yeah. Thanks, Chad." It might be nothing - but Chad was right- it was worth paying attention too. Sighing, Jared wondered if things would ever settle down again in his life. It was starting to feel a little like he was on a constant roller coaster ride.

"So, you still an ass virgin?" Chad asked with a wide smirk.

"Chad, I am not discussing my ass with you." Jared snatched Mike's pillow off the bed and threw it _hard_ at his friend.

Chad laughed even when the pillow hit him in the face. "Dude, I so knew you'd be the bottom. I should've bet money on it."

"What?" Jared's eyes widened. "I'm not! I mean, how do _you_ know?" Jared huffed quietly and folded his arms. "For your information - we haven't decided yet." If Chad were a normal guy? Not a complete douche bag who used every opportunity to make Jared feel like an idiot - he might actually ask how _Chad_ knew about things like that.

"What? You mean you haven't even had sex yet?" Chad winced and shook his head. "How long have you been together? Where's the fun without the sex?"

Jared could feel heat creeping up the flesh of his neck and he groaned. "A few months?" Rolling his shoulders nervously Jared smiled then frowned, "we've. We've done stuff."

Chad frowned at him for a long moment before shifting up right, dragging a hand through his hair and sighing. "Do you uh, need to talk about it?" His face scrunched up slightly, eyes traveling around the room.

"You know anything about it?" Jared looked over at the movie posters on Mike's side of the room. "You know, that _kind_ of sex." There were things you discussed with Chad and things you didn't. Jared was pretty sure he knew which category this subject fell into.

Exhaling loudly, Chad's hand slid up through his hair once more and he shrugged. "Remember Nic? Her and I hooked up last year for awhile? She uh, she was really into like, porn. Which was awesome, totally. Only sometimes she uh-" Chad huffed loudly and waved toward Jared. "I get the basics okay? I know what goes where and uh, stuff. So, shit if you need to and can't talk to your boyfriend about it then, whatever. I can, you know. Help or what the fuck ever."

Clearing his throat Jared scrubbed a hand over his face. "I'm not sure - I mean - _fuck_." Yeah, Jared's face was pretty much on fire. He and Jensen _hadn't_ talked about but then - part of that was because Jared wasn't even sure where to start. "How - why did you think? Am I a bottom?"

Chad's face flushed and he looked away, shrugging. "I was just fucking around with you dude. I mean, I guess it's your decision right? Do you think... uh, shit I don't know? Do you think you'd like that?"

Jared was pretty sure he was going to choke on his tongue if this conversation went on for much longer. "Well, I-" he coughed and shifted on the bed, "yeah, I like when... okay, there was this one time when he just shoved me up on the desk and kissed-the-shit outta me and I wanna do that again but it's hard to ask for things," he blurted out.

Face scrunching up once more, Chad scratched along his jaw and blew out a long breath. "You just... make him do it right? Look it's like, when I want a girl to blow me, you just push her head down and she gets the drift. Try that, push him around or uh, whatever." Chad shifted on his bed and sighed shakily. "That's the way to uh, know? Fuck man, maybe you should talk to Mike about this."

"Mike? Why? What's Mike know about it?" Momentarily quite relieved to talk about someone else Jared blew out a breath.

Choking on a laugh, Chad shook his head. "I know everyone kinda thinks I'm a stupid fuck but, I see things. Hear things." He shrugged and looked up at Jared. "You learn shit, sharing a room with someone. I just think you two aren't the only queers around here."

"Is Mike gay?" Jared came dangerously close to squeaking. He'd thought about the stats and he and Jensen often joked that if even one in a hundred guys were gay that meant there were quite a few at the school. Sometimes, they made a game out of trying to guess which guys might be gay. Mike never came into the equation though.

Pushing up to his feet, Chad sighed heavily and crossed the room to Mike's closet, pulling it open and kneeling. "Was lookin' for an extra tie," he mumbled and stood, tossing a magazine on the bed and shrugging. "I've seen him make out with girls though. So he's probably just bi right? Anyway, I would have told you, but. I haven't talked to him about it yet."

"Oh. Yeah - you should do that first." Picking up the magazine Jared glanced down at it and blinked a few times. "Uh..." There was a pretty hot looking guy on the cover wearing tight jeans and an extremely tight t-shirt. Raising his eyebrows Jared read the title over in his mind a few times - _Unzipped_. Flipping it open Jared's eyes widened. "Oh. _Oh._. Wow - that's, yeah."

Turning the magazine sideways Jared tried to understand what sexual position he was looking at. Blowing out a breath he closed the magazine and tossed it back toward Chad. "Well, at least we know he can read?" There were _some_ words in the magazine after all.

Laughing, head falling back as he transferred all his uncomfortable feelings to the noise, Chad fell back on his bed and flopped his arm over his eyes. "Dude, I don't even want to think about him reading that shit. So just, I don't know. You could try talking to him. Or maybe you should talk to Jensen about this 'cause man, he probably has questions about it too right? Yeah. So. Talk to your boyfriend about the ass fucking."

Realizing that Chad had probably used up his _serious_ quota for the year, Jared slugged his friend hard in the shoulder. "You're not such a douche as you let people think, Chad. But don't worry your secret is safe with me.

"Better fuckin' be. Last thing I need is Mike wanting to talk about his gay... whatever. Put that back by the way." Chad gestured in the general direction of the closet and grabbed the Cheeto's once more. "Let's talk about Football or boobs or something very hetero."

"No problem," Jared couldn't help grinning.

-=-=-=-

It was almost a week before Jared had a chance to finally catch Jensen alone for any length of time. Sure, they'd been together at night but the school year had started to pick up with finals around the corner and when they weren't studying - they were kissing and _God_ anything else they could fit into the few free hours they had.

Still, there hadn't been any _forward_ movement on the _sex_ conversation that Jared kept planning and it was starting to kind of eat away at him. He wasn't sure anymore if he was just too scared to do anything and Jensen was picking up on that - or Jensen was just feeling the same way he was. They were certainly old enough to have a conversation about. Well, that's what Jared kept telling himself.

That, and if he could talk to Chad about anal sex he could pretty much talk to anyone about anything.

Tuesday night, Jared _knew_ that Jensen would be home early, probably studying. Alone. He walked home from the Library faster than he had in a very long time - determined that tonight they would have a conversation about it.

Flinging the door to their room open Jared jumped when it hit the wall. "We need to talk," he blurted out.

Jensen nearly flew out of his seat and his hand slapped into his chest, eyes wide. "Uh, wow. Okay. That sure sets the scene." He stared at Jared for a long moment, unsure what was coming next, little swell of nerves building in the pit of his stomach. "What's up?"

Taking a deep breath Jared chuckled softly. "Sorry, didn't mean to make quite that dramatic of an entrance."

Pressing his lips together Jared wandered over to his desk and dropped his backpack so he could slip out of his uniform jacket. "I've just been trying to find the right time to talk to you all week." He grinned over at his boyfriend.

Still eyeing him uncertainly, Jensen's eyebrows slowly curved up. "And... this is some epic, really important conversation?" He asked quietly, moving so he could drop down onto his bed and still watch his boyfriend. Sometimes it was hard to tell what was coming next and though Jensen told himself he was used to that, it still wasn't always easy.

"I was talking to Chad about you and I, our relationship and how you and I - well, about us having sex-"

"Wait, what?" Jensen interrupted, eyes widening. "You were talking to Chad, about our sex life?"

Jared moved over to Jensen's bed and sat down beside him. "Not in so many words, but I was trying to figure out-" Jared huffed out a breath and dropped his face into his hands. So far, the conversation wasn't going quite how he'd planned.

"What?" Jensen reached out and laid his palm flat on the small of Jared's back. "What were you trying to figure out?" It must be pretty damn important if he was talking to _Chad_ about it, since usually all things gay related where _no_ in Chad's book.

"Well, we were talking, and there was this magazine. Which is only half related but the thing was I told him about how hot it was - do you remember that time, well, it wasn't the first time, but when you sort of shoved me up on to the desk and kissed me?" Jared's throat felt like it was going to close up.

"Uh huh," Jensen nodded slowly, studying Jared's profile. "Um, and you liked it?" He suggested quietly, trying to put the conversation together without Jared needing to explain it all.

"A lot," Jared turned to his boyfriend and sighed. "Am I a bottom?"

Eyes growing wide, Jensen blinked slowly, peering at Jared. "Are you, um. Wow. Uh, because you liked it? Me pushing you on the desk? So you think, I mean, have you... been thinking about that? A lot? The um, being a bottom thing?"

Dropping his eyes to the floor in front of them, Jared kicked off his shoes while he tried to think of an answer. "Well, I never _stop_ thinking about it. I mean, you make me a little crazy in case you hadn't noticed. Just wasn't sure if you were into doing more." Jared shrugged and scratched at the back of his neck.

Jensen snorted a laugh and bumped his shoulder into Jared's side. "Man, Jared, I'm seventeen years old; of course I'm into doing more."

"You're sixteen." Jared shrugged, "not that it matters."

"Jared, I'm pretty sure I know how old I am. I'm seventeen." Jensen laughed and poked his boyfriend's side. "Regardless, I'm still into doing more. I want... you know. That."

"Why are you seventeen?"

"Uh... because it comes after sixteen?"

"When did you have a birthday?" Jared's mouth fell open.

Jensen frowned and scratched along his leg. "Oh um, a week and a half ago? Something like that."

"What?" Jared leaned back on his hands. "You had a birthday and you didn't tell me? Jensen, I'm your boyfriend." A twinge of hurt pinched at Jared's chest.

"I just... I didn't think it was that big of a deal?" Jensen frowned slightly, looking over at Jared. "No one's celebrated my birthday in years, I just thought. Um. I'm sorry?" Jensen had never made a big deal of his birthdays, not since he turned ten and his mom passed out at his birthday party. Maybe it was another of those weird things of his.

Jared sighed. "Okay. Wow - that's something I totally would have wanted you to tell me about." He looked down and smiled shyly. "Could you try to remember, sometimes, that things are different now?" It was hard not to be hurt sometimes by Jensen's action - it didn't matter that Jared knew it was because of the way he'd been forced to grow up. They'd had different lives and Jared knew that but still. A birthday.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize it would mean so much to you." Jensen frowned and glanced over at Jared. "I know things are different. I just didn't want to make a big deal out of it."

"Well, maybe I did," Jared snapped. He regretted it instantly and his shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry, I just feel sometimes like I'm fighting for things all the time, you know? Things that should just come naturally to us." He wondered how they'd gotten so off track from their previous conversation.

Shifting back on the bed, Jensen pulled his legs up to his chest and sighed. "What things are you fighting for? I don't understand... I thought we're okay. I." Jensen didn't like the way things were going and he wished, not for the first time, that he was better at this thing.

Frustrated, Jared ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, nevermind, things are fine." Pushing up off the bed Jared kicked his shoes out of the way so Jensen wouldn’t trip over them and tugged his shirt off. He'd taken to wearing jeans and a t-shirt in their room, sort of a stupid attempt at making himself feel like things were more normal. Maybe it just wasn't the right day for their conversation. "Maybe we could go out sometime with Mack to celebrate."

Dropping down on his bed he snatched up his t-shirt and pulled it on over his head. "How was your day? Did you get lots of studying done?"

"Jared," Jensen pursued his lips, stomach churning unpleasantly. "Don't do this. Don't pretend like it's all better because I'm not stupid, I can tell it's not. I said I'm sorry for not telling you, I mean it. I want... god we were just talking about sex and now you're saying you have to fight to make this relationship normal. And you're sitting over there and I don't understand what I'm doing wrong." Jensen looked away so Jared wouldn't see the tears that pricked in his eyes.

"I didn't mean that." Closing his eyes for a few moments Jared got up again and walked over to Jensen slowly so he could kneel down in front of him. Reaching up he grabbed Jensen's hand, "I just, it's hard sometimes to remember all the things that were different for you." Tugging on his boyfriend's hand he tried to get Jensen to look at him.

"I wasn't purposefully trying to hide it from you Jared. I mean, I didn't even really remember until that night." Jensen exhaled slowly, taking Jared's hand and turning to him. "I can try Jared, I... I can do better at this. I know, there's all this stuff I don't know how to say and do and." He shrugged and wet his lips. "Forgive me?"

"Hey, you're doing _fine_." Jared climbed back up onto the bed and pulled Jensen into his arms. "I didn't mean it like that at all. You _do_ know that we can fight sometimes and it doesn't mean that I'm gonna leave you right?" Jared pulled back to gaze into his boyfriend's eyes. "You don't know that, do you?" His voice was soft, an almost-whisper. Of course he didn't. Everyone had left Jensen.

Staring into Jared's eyes, Jensen dragged his teeth slowly over his lower lip and took a moment to sort out the various emotions coursing through him. "You just, you mean everything to me. And it's been so long since I really _felt_ like someone cared. It's so good, I just can't help thinking it'll just, end. I mean, I know that's the way the world works, I've accepted it but I want to fight it, as long as I can. I want to believe you and I will last." Jensen sighed shakily, hand coming to rest on the boy's chest.

"Jensen," Jared covered his boyfriend's hand and held it tight against his chest, "I can't predict the future for us, but I promise that I won't leave you - we can always be friends right? Even if we don't ever do, well, more. Things are _great_ the way they are -and I'm okay with that. I promise you that." Leaning forward Jared cupped Jensen's cheek and kissed his lips softly.

"But I _want_ to do more. And we're _more_ than friends," Jensen said quietly, hands sliding up to Jared's neck. He stared hard at his boyfriend for a long moment and his heart flipped in his chest. "Jared... I love you." The words seemed to hang on the tip of his tongue a long moment and Jensen dropped his gaze, smiling shyly down at his lap.

If there was ever anything that made Jared's breath just fly right out of him; it was hearing Jensen say those words. "Yeah?" A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and he lifted Jensen's chin with his fingers. "I love you too - but you knew that. I. That's, okay I _really_ like that you said that. Like a lot." There was a buzz of energy zipping around inside Jared, joy and nervousness - everything all at once.

Laughing softly, Jensen thought he knew exactly what Jared meant. Even saying those words, the thrill and way his heart raced, made him feel wonderful, in a way he couldn't begin to place. "I mean it. I, wow. It felt good saying that." He laughed louder and threw his arms around Jared, pulling him close to crush their lips together. "So let's do something, this weekend." He pulled back and grinned at Jared. "We could go see a movie with Mack. Then you and I can celebrate okay?"

"That'd be great. I bet Mack will love it too." Jared smoothed Jensen's hair back from his forehead. "So..."

"So," Jensen smiled, closing his eyes at Jared's touch, lips parting on a soft sigh. "I believe we were having some conversation about sex."

"Yeah, I liked that day - the desk." The heat was back on Jared's face; this time matching the heat sparking to life in his chest. "Guess I wondered if that meant that I would like if you..." He shrugged a shoulder slightly and leaned in to his boyfriend's body just enough to slide his hand down to curl over the boy's shoulder.

"You... want me to fuck you?" Jensen said quietly and his voice seemed deeper, like the words needed to be said in a husky type whisper. Heat crawled up his face and he dragged his thumb along Jared's jaw slowly.

"Oohh," Jared's eyes fluttered closes as Jensen's words shot through him like an electrical charge. He had to swallow before he could open his eyes and then his mouth moved for a few moments before he managed to make a sound again, "yeah. I think - yeah." Judging by the way his cock had jolted, his hips twisting uncomfortably Jared was pretty sure that was _exactly_ what he was trying to say.

Jared slid his cheek past Jensen's until he was panting softly against his boyfriend's ear. "Can we... can we try something like that?" He wet his lip and his tongue caught the curve of his boyfriend's ear making the boy moan softly.

"Yeah," Jensen nodded, throat tight, arousal swell up at a rate he almost couldn't grasp. "Like... now? Tonight? Or should we wait until it's not a school night?" He was breathing a little heavier now and his eyes closed as Jared's lips moved over his skin once more.

Groaning, Jared sucked his boyfriend's ear lobe briefly before mouthing his way back along his jaw. "Always so practical," he murmured against Jensen's lips. "We need lube anyway." His tongue worked its way along Jensen's bottom lip, lapping and teasing, barely sliding forward into the heat of the boy's mouth.

"Hey do you think," Jensen fell back onto the bed, dragging Jared up with him. "Maybe, this weekend. We could go somewhere? So our first time um, you know, you can be loud without worrying about scaring Chad? And um, it would be special? It could be after the movie thing." Jensen shrugged, twisting back on the mattress to pull Jared with him.

Straddling his boyfriend's hips Jared leaned down and nuzzled into the curve of the boy's neck. "Okay, I'll find somewhere. My treat for your birthday." Maybe there would be no actual sex that night - but Jared knew he wasn't done for the evening. Rolling his hips slowly against the hard line in his boyfriend's slacks he smiled and nibbled at the warm flesh of Jensen's neck. "You done studying for the night?"

"Oh yeah," Jensen murmured and wrapped his arms tight around his boyfriend, hips rolling up.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey, Mr. Collins?" Jensen pushed the classroom door open and smiled at his teacher. "Can I come in?"

"Sure Jensen, it's always nice to see you outside of class," the teacher grinned and gestured toward the usual seat by the desk.

Jensen's hands twisted together.

"Why's that chair always there?" He asked but it wasn't at all what he'd been planning on saying but he had always been curious so it seemed like something to go on.

Mr. Collins' eyebrow lifted in a delicate arch and he laughed. "Is that what's got you coming in to visit?"

"Um, no. Not really. But I was curious." Jensen traced his finger over the edge of the chair. "It's just... the side of a desk. You know, weird place. For a chair. Most chairs go under a desk. But all the tables have stools. And there's... there's no other chairs. I mean, like this one. Here in this room. So I just always thought maybe this chair was by your desk for some really important reason or something and-"

"Jensen?" The teacher cut him off, pushing out of his chair and considering Jensen with a slight head tilt. "What's going on? Is everything okay?"

"What? Yeah. No. Yeah, no I mean." Jensen laughed a little too loud and flinched. "Oh god. Okay, so. I just, I need to talk to you about something and it's um, it's kind of embarrassing." His eyes slid across the floor, cheeks coloring.

"Why do I get the feeling that this conversation is going to be just as embarrassing for me?" Mr. Collins asked quietly, slowly lowering himself back into his chair.

Jensen half sat then pushed back up and paced across the room. "It probably is. And it's totally okay if you can't. If you say no, you can't help. I get it. I just um, I have all these questions and it's not really any book. And I guess I could like, I don't know, look online? Or watch, I don't know, porn or something but-"

"Whoa. Whoa Jensen, hey," Mr. Collins raised his hand, laughing in obvious surprise. "Porn? Look, why don't you just start at the beginning with all this because my mind is going to all sorts of places and it's probably better if I don't try to guess here."

Pacing back to the chair, Jensen nodded slowly and pinched the chair at the top, spinning it so he could straddle the back. "Okay. So, my birthday was last week-"

"Happy Birthday-"

"That's not really the point," Jensen looked up quickly, meeting the teacher's eyes for a moment before looking away. "Anyway. Jared and I are going to take Mack to a movie-"

"Oh you're seeing your sister again?"

"Mr. Collins," Jensen sighed heavily and met his teachers gaze. "This is, like, really hard for me to get out so could I just?" He gestured through thin air, fingers curling and uncurling.

"Yeah, sorry. You just hardly come and see me anymore."

Jensen felt the slightest twinge of guilt at that and smiled softly. "I'm sorry about that. I promise, I'll come see you for lunch once a week now. Seriously, and I'll tell you all about Mack and everything I just. This."

"Right, the very important conversation that, for some reason, involved the possibility of porn."

"Well, not specifically. I just meant, I could watch porn to um." Jensen dragged a hand up through his hair and blew out a long breath. "You're gay right?"

Mr. Collins, who had chosen a rather unfortunate time to take a drink from his vitamin water, sprayed the liquid across his desk. "Erm. I. Did you, hear something? See something?"

"You're not seriously embarrassed about telling me you're gay are you?" Jensen laughed, shaking his head. "I mean, unless you're not. I just always assumed... from the way you spoke."

"No, I am. I just thought maybe you'd seen..." Mr. Collins hesitated for a moment, watching Jensen for a long moment before looking away. "Never mind. Okay, so yes. I'm gay. And?"

Jensen stared at his teacher, instantly curious about whatever the man wasn't saying, or what Jensen might have seen that might have made him act that way. In fact, Jensen was so _not_ inclined to have this conversation with his teacher that he was pretty tempted to pursue the issue. Only, Jensen _needed_ to have this conversation so he let it go. For now.

"Are you, god this is probably really personal but um. Are you a top? Do you top? However you ask that without sounding like an idiot." Jensen's face felt _so_ hot he thought he could probably fry an egg on it.

"Oh. This is uh, one of _those_ conversations." Mr. Collins sighed softly and dragged a hand through his hair. "Jensen, I can't really tell you if you're more of a top or bottom. That's more of a thing you should speak to Jared about and-"

"No. No, it's not. We've figured that out. Yeah." Jensen's lips twitched in a slight smile. "Look, just, this weekend Jared and I- well uh, you don't need to know the details, I just. The top thing. I know it's going to be up to meet to make sure things are um... good. For Jared. And that he's... god, you know. Ready. And stuff for-" Jensen covered his face with his hand and groaned. "Can you please just understand what I'm trying to say because I don't think I can get it out."

Mr. Collins chuckled softly and pushed up to his feet, crossing the room to the back private closet were he kept the art supplies. Jensen had a moment of panic where he thought maybe the teacher was going to refuse to help him, but when he came back, he had a book. "Here. This will help you."

Jensen took the book slowly, eyes fixing up to his teacher. "You have gay sex books in your back office?"

"What?" Mr. Collins laughed louder and shook his head. "No, no, it was. Well, it's my own book I was just lending it to, a friend. Forgot to take it back to my room."

"The Joys of Gay Sex?" Jensen read the title and snorted. "Wow. That's uh, putting it out there huh?"

"It'll help, trust me. And if you still have questions then, I um, I'll see what I can do." Mr. Collins smiled warmly and leaned against his desk. "Punishment."

"Excuse me?" Jensen looked up at his teacher, frowning slightly.

"The chair. It's for punishment, usually. I don't like giving out detentions usually but when I have to, I make the students sit there for the entire time. It tends to make them uncomfortable and twitchy since I just sit and stare."

"Oh." Jensen blinked and stood, laughing. "You're the weirdest teacher, you know that right?"

"I've been told something similar," Mr. Collins nodded and smiled. "Anything else?"

"No, I, um, thanks for this. Really. I appreciate it," Jensen slung his backpack off so he could tuck the book inside, zipping it back up. "Hey, Mr. Collins, are you uh, are you dating anyone? I mean, can you even do that when you're on campus?"

Mr. Collins frowned, trailing Jensen toward the door to his classroom. "It's, well, it's complicated." He smiled slightly, holding the door open after Jensen slipped through. "But no, I'm not really seeing- Oh."

Jensen turned, stopping short as he nearly ran into Mike. "Hey, Mike." A rush of relief that he'd put the book away already shot through him and Jensen smiled, half turning to wave to his teacher. "Thanks again Mr. Collins, I'll see you later." He headed quickly down the hall, eager to pursue the book and put some facts together before the weekend.

-=-=-=-

"We need to get lube." Jensen said suddenly, looking up from his desk over to Jared. He was pretending to study History, instead he was reading _the_ book and now sitting half hard, trying not to make it too obvious. "You know, for..." Jensen stared at his boyfriend for a moment before flushing and looking away.

"Lube. Okay." Jared felt his eyes widen and turned on his chair slowly to stare over at Jensen. "Drugstore? Sex shop?" The idea of going to a sex shop with Jensen was in equal parts terrifying and exciting.

Coughing slightly, Jensen shifted on his chair, lips pursing together. "Sex shop? Do they... have those? Around here? I mean, we could go to the drug store, but." Jensen had never been in a sex shop before; he couldn't imagine what it would be like.

"Well, it's not like I'm an expert or anything. Maybe a drugstore is a good idea." Jared shrugged and let his gaze trail down Jensen's body. He recognized the flush on his roommates cheeks, knew when Jensen was turned on.

"Whatcha studying?" Scooting closer on his chair Jared leaned his chin on Jensen's shoulder.

"Oh um." Jensen tried to cover the book but Jared would have to be pretty damn stupid not to have seen the image on the pages. It was like, education porn. "It's just... this book. Mr. Collins gave it to me." He flushed even brighter and flipped the page. This brought up a very large picture of a cock and was, therefore, no help at all.

"Mr. _Collins_ gave you that?" Jared lifted his head up to look down at the book.

"Jensen, _you_ were upset when I talked to Chad about our sex life - and you're borrowing porn from Mr. Collins?" He laughed softly - half in shock and half because if there was a teacher he'd thought of as gay - yeah - Mr. Collins.

Jensen snorted and shook his head. "It's helpful. Seriously. I mean, it talks about how, I need to stretch you and um." Jensen shrugged. "I asked Mr. Collins for help because I wanted to make sure it was good for you, you know? I just wanted it to be a really special event and so, yeah."

Sliding his hand down over the front of Jensen's pants, Jared murmured, "and, _this_ is because the pictures are turning you on? Or, is it thinking about what you're gonna do to me?" His tongue darted out and trailed along Jensen's well-defined jaw line.

Swallowing thickly, Jensen rolled his hips slightly up into Jared's touch, breathing deeply. "Thinking about. It... it was talking about the prostate, and what you might act like, if I pressed it with my fingers. While I'm stretching you." Jensen wet his lips, eyes closing slowly. "So, I was thinkin' 'bout you, and, my fingers in you. And how you'll be..." Jensen panted softly, head turning toward Jared so their lips grazed together.

"Sounds pretty hot," Jared murmured. His lips brushed Jensen's as he spoke and sent tingles of excitement skittering across his skin.

Slipping off his own chair Jared swung his leg over Jensen's and slid forward slowly onto his boyfriend's lap. His hands moved up over Jensen's shirt, over his shoulders and up through his hair. "I've been thinking about it a lot." Voice thick and rough, Jared found himself unable to stop the ripple of movement that started at his hips and traveled up his body.

"Yeah?" Jensen asked thickly, hands settling on Jared's hips, pulling him in to rock their bodies together. He tilted his head up, staring at his boyfriend, one hand sliding up under Jared's shirt. "After our first time, sometime in the future or something, we should definitely do it like this. Fuck," the hand on Jared's hip slid over to his crotch, pressing into the denim and pushing slowly up.

Jared nodded, breath leaving his body in a soft moan. "How?" He dragged his lips across Jensen's forehead, down his temple and across his cheek. All the while, his hands moved in Jensen's hair, on the back of his neck. Jared _loved_ touching Jensen. "How will we be the first time?" Rolling his hips forward Jared felt the swell and ache in his cock reaching the point of pleasure-pain that he loved so much. Tight in his jeans, _God_ , every time Jensen's hands moved across his skin Jared could feel ripples of pleasure all over his body.

Pulling Jared in to him, Jensen slanted his lips wide over Jared's neck, humming against the skin. He felt like he might go a bit crazy before he had the chance to be with Jared.

"Me on top, you on your back. Wanna see your face," Jensen dragged his teeth down Jared's neck, pulling the collar down just enough to suck on his collar bone and pull blood to the surface.

Jared blinked slowly then closed his eyes to soak up the sensation of Jensen's lips on his neck. The tingling of blood marking his skin sent a shiver down his back and his body arched towards his boyfriend's. Moaning loudly, Jared pushed a hand between them to tug on the bottom of Jensen's shirt until they managed to create enough space between them for it to come off.

His long fingers spread out over Jensen's flesh and he dragged his hands down the warm, smooth skin, careful not to touch the nipple ring. "Love touching you," he murmured.

"Love you touching me," Jensen exhaled slowly, eyes falling closed then pulling slowly open. "Feels like it's never gonna be Saturday. So much of me just wants to..." Jensen glanced toward the bed, hands hooking under his boyfriend's arm. Propelling forward, Jensen pushed them up off the chair and crushed the boy down into his bed, landing between his spread legs. "Can still throw you around," he nearly growled, lips crushing down into Jared's.

The heat and _want_ that flooded through Jared's body was like a tidal wave. Sometimes, Jared was scared that he'd just feel too much and he'd blow apart somehow. But, then there was Jensen's mouth, and the way his tongue forced past Jared's lips and, _Jesuschrist_ it was all Jared could do not to come right there. Hooking a leg over Jensen's and gripping the back of his pants Jared ground up against his boyfriend.

"God," Jensen gasped, grinding eagerly down into Jared's hips. "Fuck, I want you," he panted against Jared's lips, thrusting his tongue forward once more, hips grinding eagerly down into Jared's. This, it was all so good and Jensen thought he might collapse from the weight of how much he _wanted_. Jared's body was in constant movement against his own and Jensen rolled his hips down against his boyfriend's. "Jared," he gasped, crushing his lips hard enough against his boyfriend's he tasted blood.

 

Jared's nails scraped down his boyfriend's back, his hands shifting constantly to feel every movement - every thrust of Jensen's body against his. It was like torture, being like this - and thinking of their bodies naked - thinking of Jensen inside him. Tearing his lips away from the kiss, Jared moaned and gasped for air as the coppery taste of blood reached his tongue. "Jensen, _God_ -" Another moan took Jared's breath away and he sought out Jensen's mouth again.

Thrusting his hips up hard he could feel the way his body was losing control. Tongue snaking forward, past Jensen's full lips, Jared slid his hands down to grab his boyfriend's ass. _God_ , there really was nothing better than this - Jensen moving over him, the heat, his mouth. An almost-whimper disappeared into the kiss and Jared's hips snapped up suddenly as his orgasm ripped through his core.

The weight of his orgasm crushed through him so hard Jensen saw stars. It was the thought that did it, the suggestion that they would be like this, soon, naked and _more_. His body twitched, jeans dampening with his release, chest pressing down into Jared's. Jensen panted heavily into his neck, air thick and wet against his skin. "Fuck," he panted, half laughing. "I've never come that hard, and we're still wearing clothes. Jesus I'm gonna come the minute I get in you." Jensen laughed breathy at the suggestion but he was worried about it, because that would definitely ruin the moment.

Laughing softly, Jared shifted slightly then wrapped his arms tightly around Jensen's waist. "At least I got your shirt off," he muttered. His boxers were sticky and warm but he didn't care - it was _absolutely_ worth it. "Are we? Will we live through sex?" Still panting slightly Jared sucked on his boyfriend's neck, just below his ear.

Snorting against Jared's skin, Jensen closed his eyes and hummed. "At this point? I'm not really sure."

-=-=-=-

"Do you think it makes a difference?" Jensen's eyes slid over the bottles, slight frown on his lips. "I mean, there's... there's a lot more than I expected. Um, non-scented? KY?" He suggested, glancing over at his boyfriend.

Jared shrugged and picked up a bottle that was a nice purple colour. "This one says it warms up. Do we need something that warms up?" This was turning out to be far more complicated than Jared had thought it would be.

"It's probably gonna be uh, pretty warm. I would imagine." Jensen scrunched his face up. He would have asked Mr. Collins about it but well, awkward. Way too awkward. No, he couldn't really go there. "Hey," Jensen frowned slightly, eyes drifting over to the condoms. "What about those? Do we um, did you want, should we use them?"

Eyes snapping back over to his boyfriend's Jared smiled. "I've never been - well, I've had sex, but both times I used a condom. Girls." He shrugged almost apologetically and leaned closer. "Have you? I mean..." Why they hadn't thought to have this conversation _before_ the drugstore was beyond him.

"What? No. You think I'd be researching how too..." Jensen waved generally between them and grinned. "I just. Okay, so no? We don't need them. 'Cause I'm definitely clean. And you are. Okay. Chose one. A bottle." Jensen glanced up, momentarily locking eyes with the old woman behind the counter. Of course she'd have to be like, grandma-ish. As if this wasn't going to be embarrassing enough.

"Me?" Jared dragged his fingers across the shelf for a moment. There were some small bottles and some larger ones. "Did you say no to the warming stuff?" He glanced back at Jensen with a pained expression on his face.

Groaning low in his throat, Jensen reached out and grabbed the warming lube bottle Jared had picked up before. "Let's just get this one." He nodded and looked up toward Jared. "Should we get a second bottle so we don't have to repeat this experiencing any time soon?"

"Two bottles? Jared's eyes opened wider. "How much sex are we gonna have?" He laughed and bumped his hip against Jensen's before reaching out to grab one of the plain bottles of KY.

"I'm thinking long term," Jensen rationalized, grinning at Jared. "I've got this hunch, after the first time, we might be taking advantage of the new developments." He pushed Jared toward the front of the store. "Anything else while we're here?"

"There are more supplies for sex?" Jared was starting to think this was going to be a huge undertaking. "What like massage oil? You know, so you can spoil me?" He grinned hopefully and peered over the shelf next to them.

Chuckling softly, Jensen shrugged and waved toward the shelf. "Well, sure. I was actually thinking like, snacks or something. Because you either pass out or get hungry after sex so. Yeah."

"I do _not_ pass out after sex. And, I'm still young and, you know, growing. It's normal." Jared rolled his shoulders indignantly and headed over to the chips. "Nachos!"

Laughing louder Jensen trailed after his boyfriend and shook his head. "Come on, get your nachos and let's go. I told Mack we'd pick her up at two." A little bubble of energy, the same that had been building for days now, rose in temperature and Jensen couldn't resist reaching out to graze his boyfriend's ass.

"You gonna give me trouble today, Mister?" Jared shot his boyfriend a grin over his shoulder.

"You'd be bored if I didn't," Jensen grinned back and set the bottle of lube on the counter by Jared. "Well I'll just see you in the car then."

"Whoa there cowboy. Where you going?" Jared raised an eyebrow.

Turning back to his boyfriend, Jensen tried for his most innocent and convincing smile. "I was just... um. Well, you're paying for stuff so I thought I'd just," Jensen jerked with his thumb over his shoulder, no way was he admitting to not wanting to go up there and pay for the things but yeah, that was the case.

"You want to participate in the usage of this lube? You'll move your pretty ass up there to the counter with me." Jared held out his hand and gestured for Jensen to walk along with him. Times like these - when Jensen was actually comfortable enough to tease Jared, play, let loose a little - made Jared realize how far they'd come.

"Damnit," Jensen grumbled and pouted, a little exaggerated. He hammed it up, stomping his feet after Jared and sighing loudly as they reached the register. The lady behind the counter didn't look amused, at him or the purchases. Which yeah, Jensen probably would have laughed if some guys came in and bought two bottles of lube and a tray of nachos.

She kept giving him a dirty look, then Jared, and Jensen rolled his eyes, leaning heavily into Jared's body and wrapping an arm around him. "C'mon _baby_ , I wanna see if we can use up both these bottles by tomorrow." He drawled thickly, loud enough for the lady to hear.

Jared's face might have actually gone purple - he couldn't be sure but the heat there sure felt a _lot_ worse than the usual embarrassed flush he got when Jensen teased him. "You dick," he muttered under his breath before turning on his charm for the lady behind the counter.

"Hazing ritual," Jared beamed at the clerk, flashing his dimples and dipping his head slightly. "I'm very sorry Ma'am but if my friend here offended you I'm very sorry."

"Hmm," the clerk nodded her head but looked between them sceptically. "Ten seventy two," she said quietly.

Jensen backed away from Jared a little, mostly to keep himself from pissing off his boyfriend further. But he for sure wasn't apologizing, he could tell by the way she looked at him she _knew_ and it didn't bother him. Jared being upset though, yeah, that did.

Pulling out his bankcard Jared handed it to the clerk and dropped his hand below the counter to pinch Jensen's ass _hard_.

The clerk's eyes shot up when Jensen, of course, squeaked. He flushed and shrugged, glaring over at his boyfriend. Just revenge or whatever. The minute she handed the card back, Jensen snatched at the bottles and pushed at Jared. They barely made it out of the door before he burst into laughter. "I think I just damaged that woman. Seriously."

"You're horrible," Jared managed to sputter out. Looping his arm around his boyfriend's neck he dragged him back to the car. "Hide the evidence; we gotta go get your sister."

-=-=-=-

As much as Jensen was looking forward to spending some time with Mack, he was nearly buzzing with excitement over the night to come. But he managed to school it down and by the time they picked up his sister any excited energy was transferred to that. Mackenzie teased Jared about the car and the driver all the way to the theatre, laughing at Jared's blush and laughing even louder when Jared informed her she was just like her big brother. This made Jensen's heart grow with pride and he threw his arm around Jared, squeezing him tight.

For Mackenzie's benefit they saw a chick flick. The first twenty minutes or so Jensen pretended to not enjoy it but Mackenzie's laughter was infectious and by the end all three were completely engrossed in the story line. Walking out of the complex Jensen looped his arm around Jared's middle and took Mackenzie's hand, soaking in the affection from all sides. They walked to a small Italian restaurant and Jared and he spent the entire meal learning about his sister's school and the friends she had.

It was the best birthday celebration Jensen had had since he was a boy. They even brought him cake and sang to him, which might have been annoying if his two favourite people in the world weren't grinning at him the entire time. Once they were back in the car and heading toward Mackenzie's home Jensen's nerves and excitement for the night were returning full force. He leaned against Jared's side and listened to his sister babble about the boys that just weren't good enough for her attention. This settled him, since the last thing he wanted was his kid sister dating anyone.

Jensen walked her to the door, kissing her temple and holding her tight, savouring the moment until his next visit with her. After promising to call soon, he headed back to the car and climbed in next to Jared, grinning over at him. "She's pretty much amazing huh?" He asked quietly as the driver pulled away from the curb.

"She is, kinda like her older brother." Jared beamed at his boyfriend. Every time he got to watch Jensen and Mack together - Jared felt a little like he was part of a small family, had a hand in giving them a little happiness back. It made his heart feel all full and inside out.

"Shut up," Jensen shoved gently at his boyfriend, grinning regardless of his words. "Is it a long drive to the Hotel?" He asked after awhile, eyes turning to gaze out the window.

"On the outskirts of town, you know that cool lake where the skiing is?" Jared stretched his legs out and, for once, didn't reach for his father's scotch. "'Bout half an hour, not long enough to get into trouble." Rolling his head toward his boyfriend he grinned and reached up to brush the backs of his fingers over the freckles. "Did you have a good birthday?"

"Fantastic," Jensen murmured, leaning into Jared's touch. He glanced over at the divider separating them from the driver and smiled softly. "Do you ever worry he'll tell your dad? About us?" The man had to know, he'd seen them holding hands, seen what they bought at the store.

"That we cuddle in the car?" Jared smiled down at his boyfriend. "My parents know about us, Jensen." Closing his eyes he sighed and rested back against the seat.

"What?" Jensen pushed up in his seat so he could stare down at his boyfriend. "They know? When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me?"

Smile faltering for a few moments Jared took a breath then spoke softly. "That's okay right? I mean, Dad kind of figured it out. He said I'd never shown an interest in his work ever - so it started when he was looking for Mack." Jared threaded his fingers through Jensen's. "I just said we were dating - that's okay right? I mean I guess I should have asked if it was okay." He worried his bottom lip with his teeth and gazed at his boyfriend.

"Well, yeah. Of course it's okay. It's better than. I just... coming out to your parents is a big deal right? You should have told me that you even wanted to." Jensen was shocked, pleased even but mostly stuck on shocked for the moment. The fact that Jared's parents knew about him, that they were _okay_ with it all seemed like more than he'd expected.

"After what I did with the hooker I'm sure my Dad was pleasantly surprised." Jared laughed softly then looked quite serious. "That sounded all wrong."

Laughing, Jensen fell back on the seat beside his boyfriend and shook his head. "God I'm glad I know _that_ story otherwise I'd be having some serious questions." Jensen wondered if this meant he'd be meeting Jared's family. He'd never felt so _included_ in something and it warmed his heart, somehow solidifying the thing he had with Jared.

"Jensen, I've been thinking," Jared pulled Jensen's hand over to his chest and rubbed his thumb over the back of his hand. "What are you doing for Christmas break?"

"I thought I'd go up to my cabin at the sea, taken in some serious yachting time, snow shoe through the mountains and hunt yetis." Jensen shrugged, glancing over at Jared and grinning slowly. "I may be dissuaded to change my plans if you had something in mind."

"Well, my mama asked if you'd like to come to our house. It's nothing great, we don't even cook our own turkey - but we could spend a lot of time together. I was thinking we could take the car in to town the day after Christmas and bring Mack out to meet them. You know," he looked down. "If you wanted. Oh, but you can't stay in my room. Mom says you have to stay in a guest room." He rolled his eyes.

It had been a very long time since Jensen spent a Christmas with a real family, no matter how much Jared insisted it wasn't a big deal, it was. "Wow," he breathed slowly, small smile curling his lips up. "Yeah. Yeah, Jared, I'd really like that." Jensen smirked, the idea warming his system. "God, I can't even tell you how great that sounds. I mean, a real Christmas with a family. Christmas at juvi, it's like hell. Hey do they know? About juvi and um, what happened to me?"

Jared shrugged a shoulder. "Not sure what my Dad might have found out when he was looking for Mack and working on the paperwork. He didn't say anything to me, but it won't matter. What you tell them - that's up to you... and this is just the first visit. They know I care about you - my Mom will probably drive you nuts - trying to get secrets out of you." Jared felt relieved, he'd wanted to bring it up for ages - but had been worried that Jensen might freak out a little. The look on his boyfriend's face was definitely not freaked out.

"Yeah, okay," Jensen nodded, deciding not to worry about that for right now. "Okay, we'll see how it goes." He grinned at Jared and bumped into his side. "And they really want me to come? I don't, I can't get presents for them or anything. Do you think that's okay?" Jensen also decided not thinking about how nervous he was to meet Jared's parents.

"Okay, first of all - no one's expecting presents. Second, you've got plenty of time to fret about it later." Lifting Jensen's hand he kissed his boyfriend's fingers. "Not tonight, okay?" Jared had intended to talk to Jensen about it later but it just kind of seemed like the right time.

"Yeah, not tonight," he smiled softly and leaned into Jared's side once more. "You're pretty amazing, have I ever told you that?" He turned enough to look over at him, warm smile on his lips. "I'm _really_ looking forward to tonight, or, well, right now." He laughed softly, elbowing Jared gently in the side.

"Hey," Jared pointed out the window behind Jensen, "there it is. I haven't been here in a couple of years but you'll love it. They put these awesome chocolates on the pillows at night. I love you so much - you can even have mine." He grinned and kissed Jensen's neck when he turned to look out the window.

"I think I can be persuaded to share the chocolate," Jensen laughed, leaning over to stare out the window at the Hotel. It was huge, like one of those fancy hotels you saw in movies or something. Jensen had walked passed some before but he never imagined actually walking into one, let alone _staying_ in one. "Wow." He breathed in awe, pushing the door open as they car came to a stop. He hated waiting for the driver to open the door, it felt weird and uncomfortable. Jensen stepped to the side of the car and waited for Jared to climb out, wide grin on his face. "You're spoiling me. It's like some really twisted version of Pretty Woman."

"Wow, thanks, now I'm not sure what's worse - thinking about Richard Gere or Julia Roberts." Shaking his head Jared headed for the open lobby doors holding out his hand. "Come on - Ken will take care of our bags."

Jensen followed Jared inside, eyes lifting to scan along the wide open foyer of the Hotel. It was all gleaming, shiny white floors and high vaulted ceiling. His hand found Jared's and he smiled, allowing his boyfriend to lead him to the front desk to check in. He smiled once at the lady behind the desk before letting his gaze sweep over the wide variety of people walking through the lobby. Ken brought their bags in and Jared instructed him to pick them up in the morning around ten before the bell hop was leading them to the elevators. Jensen amused himself for the ride up at the idea of a real bell hop, he hadn't thought they were still around but he supposed it made sense for somewhere so nice.

When they got to the top floor Jensen grinned, squeezing Jared hand as the man led them down the hallway to their room and opened the door. It was a large suite, large king sized bed, counter bar. Jensen released Jared's hand and wandered around the room as his boyfriend tipped the man at the door. His eyes widened slightly as he stopped by the room service cart, peering down at the variety of fruits there, a pot of chocolate sauce. When Jensen turned back to his boyfriend with a grin, Jared was simply watching him. "Just how rich are you?" He teased, kicking his shoes off across the wide open space.

"Dunno, I have an allowance and I don't ever spend much of it." Jared had always been a bit embarrassed by the fact that his family was very well-off. It seemed like one of those things in the world that just didn't seem fair. "I know I'm pretty spoiled, but this seemed like a special occasion. The thing is - with you - it could have been anywhere, 'cause you're perfect."

All day Jared had been struggling with his emotions. Excited one moment, terrified the next - it was like a real carnival ride of feelings. What kept him sane was knowing that it was _Jensen_ that he loved - and ultimately - that was all that mattered. Once more he found himself standing there with a sappy smile on his face.

Slowly smiling, Jensen crossed to Jared and reached up to slide the back of his fingers down Jared's jaw. "I'm not complaining. This is nice, a night away from everyone. Just you and me." He slid his fingers back into Jared's hair and brought him close, brushing their lips together. "I love you," he murmured, free hand sliding down Jared's chest.

"I never get tired of hearing you say that." Jared tiled his head just enough to slant his mouth over Jensen's and lick his way into the warmth. There were never enough passes of those lips against his, never enough licks and bites. Jared's knees felt a little weak. It was nerves and anticipation. Pulling back slightly he took a few steps back from Jensen and walked over the dim the lights a little. "I'm nervous," he murmured and combed a hand through his hair.

Exhaling slowly, Jensen smiled, nodding as he crossed to their bags. "Me too. I'm glad you said so." He chuckled softly and bent down, pulling at the zipper on his bag until he could reach in for the bottle of lube. He grabbed both, just in case the warm one turned out to funky. "I think it's normal to be nervous," he pointed out, carrying the bottles to the bed and tossing them toward the pillow. "I've been thinking about this, for awhile. All week. Longer. It's..." Jensen turned toward Jared and shrugged. "Yeah."

"Me too," Jared stepped closer to the bed as he shrugged out of his jacket and tossed it over the bench at the foot of the bed. "I even had a dream about all this." He ducked his head down, a little shy. Tugging his over shirt off he folded it and set it on his jacket.

"You want a drink or something? I just got some sodas and things brought up." Sitting down on the side of the bed Jared gazed up at Jensen, studying his friend's face.

"Not right now," Jensen murmured and stepped closer to Jared, nudging his legs apart and stepping between them. "After," he breathed and traced a hand through Jared's hair slowly. "You know what I do want?"

"What?" Jared tipped his head back and slid his arms around Jensen's waist.

"I want to watch you undress, for me," Jensen whispered and stepped back, curling his fingers around his shirt, pulling it up over his head and tossing it to the side. Jensen climbed onto the bed, rolling onto his back, elbows propping himself up.

Blowing out a breath, Jared tried to stay calm even though his heart beat sped up the minute Jensen's words made their way to his ears. "Okay," he said.

Standing, Jared took a few steps backwards and hooked his fingers under the hem of his t-shirt. He'd undressed hundreds of times in front of Jensen but for some reason his hands were shaking a little. Pulling the soft cotton material up over his chest then off over his head Jared closed his eyes for a few moments - willing his heart to stop thundering quite so loud. He rubbed nervously at his chest and smiled at his boyfriend as he opened his eyes.

Slipping out of his boots Jared swallowed and ran his fingers along the waistband of his jeans. The ones he was wearing were Jensen's favourite - he said they clung in all the right places. The button popped loose and Jared pulled the zipper down slowly - lips twitching into a wider smile as he watched the rose glow creep up his boyfriend's neck. "You like this?"

Swallowing thickly, Jensen shifted in his jeans and nodded. "Yes. God, yes," he smiled up at his boyfriend, itching to reach out for him but resisting. He wanted to see every inch of Jared first, and then touch every inch and everything else that followed. "Do you know how fucking hot you are?" He murmured, one hand coming to settle on the waistline of his own jeans.

Wrinkling his nose, Jared tiled his head to the side and cast his eyes down. It still embarrassed Jared a little when Jensen said that; he knew he wasn't a beast or anything but it wasn't like he tried to do anything sexy. Shaking his head Jared huffed out a small laugh and pushed at his jeans slowly. Sliding them over his hips he finally looked up at Jensen again, watching his boyfriend's tongue move over that full bottom lip.

Jared stepped closer, wanting his hands on Jensen's body - that feeling never went away completely but still - watching Jensen lay there, seeing the thick line of arousal under his jeans made the heat rise even faster in Jared's body.

Moving his jeans down past his thighs he stepped out of them and bent to pick them up and fold them before laying them with the rest of his clothes. "Boxers too?" He licked his lips nervously.

"Boxers too," Jensen murmured, voice thick and deep with arousal. Jensen slid off the edge of the bed, pushing up to his feet and standing barely a foot from Jared. He slipped his button free from his jeans and dragged the zipper down, pushing them off so he stood just in his boxers in front of his boyfriend. "You first." Jensen grinned, heading tilting up toward Jared slightly.

Drawing in a deep breath, Jared slid his fingers under the waist band of his boxers and pushed them down slowly. When they finally fell to the floor he stepped out of them and swayed forward slightly. His cock was aching, rigid and full between them. "Now you," he almost whispered.

For just a moment Jensen stared at Jared's body. He'd seen him naked more than a dozen times but it never failed to send a sharp thrill through him. They'd come so far, broken so many barriers in himself, Jensen hadn't even realized how amazing it could be.

Swallowing hard once more, Jensen hooked his fingers in the elastic and pulled up, bending slowly to slide the material down until he could kick it off. It could have been awkward, standing naked a foot from his boyfriend but it wasn't. Jensen slowly smiled, taking in Jared's body once more. "So, here we are, both naked," he breathed, stepping closer, finger trailing slowly down Jared's chest.

Jared's muscles tightened under his boyfriend's touch and he stepped closer as though drawn to him. His fingers settled on Jensen's hips curling over the jut of bone there. "I need to kiss you," he whispered.

"Mm." Jensen's eyes fell closed moments before their lips touched. That one little spark and it was as if fireworks went off inside him. Jensen pulled at Jared, dragging him in so their bodies pressed flush together. He moaned, lips parting against his boyfriend's, hand curving up along the back of Jared's skull and holding him there. As his tongue swept forward he turned them, back Jared up to the bed until he felt it collide with the boy's calves. Thick desire curled in Jensen's chest and his free hand slid down Jared's back, fingers grazing along his boyfriend's ass, sliding to the crack to just barely graze.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Jared groaned quietly. His knees felt like they were going to give out - and Jensen was barely touching him. "Jensen-" gasping, Jared let his hands glide down his boyfriend's chest as he sank down on to the bed. Blinking up at the boy's face he tilted his head slightly and let his tongue drag across the heat of Jensen's body. His skin was slightly salty, smelled sweet somehow - familiar and Jared's muscles quivered as he shifted closer. Pushing his hand back up he let his fingers bump over Jensen's nipple ring as he licked his way along the line of Jensen's bottom rib.

"Don't wanna wait," Jensen murmured, nudging Jared on the bed until his boyfriend got the cue and crawled back. He grinned, crawling between Jared's legs, dipping to occasionally brush his lips along the boy's skin.

"Feel like it's been months of foreplay," he breathed against Jared's hip bone, continuing up until he caught a nipple between his teeth, bit just enough to sting, sucked to soothe the ache after.

"I want you, _so_ much," Jensen panted against Jared's lips now, rolling his body down into Jared's to feel the sharp thrill of heat sparking up his spine.

Jared's body curved up off the bed, shoulders pressing hard against the mattress. It was teasing the way Jensen's mouth was _on_ his body - then away - lips moving against his flesh then gone. Jensen's cock was hard and slid past Jared's. It was all heat and smooth flesh - silken and firm and Jared's breath hitched in his chest. His hands clawed at Jensen's back - his boyfriend was right - they'd spent months driving each other slowly insane. _This_ was what Jared wanted.

Planting a foot firmly on the mattress Jared pushed his hips up, body bowing towards Jensen's. He moaned, head falling to the side as the heat of Jensen's cock slid past his once more. "Please," he murmured. Tongue wetting his lips, Jared turned back to gaze up at his lover. "I want you," he whispered even as his eyes closed and his hips rocked up again.

Sucking in a quick breath, Jensen flopped across the bed, hand slapping out in several attempts before he managed to get the bottle of lube and clamber back. This was one of the parts Jensen was nervous about. What if Jared didn't like it? Sure he could live without all the way sex but it might put a real damper in their relationship if, for some reason, this hurt his boyfriend. And Jensen was a bit paranoid about hurting someone for any reason. "Have you ever done this to yourself?" He asked quietly, slicking up his fingers and using his free hand to spread Jared's legs wider. Jensen breath caught in his throat as his slick fingers dropped, pressing once just behind Jared's balls then sliding across the puckered flesh.

Jared couldn't help drawing away from his boyfriend's touch. It was strange, unusual, and almost uncomfortable to be touched there. But then his body started to convince him otherwise. "What? Me?" Jared could feel himself flush with shame. "Yeah, I mean - just to see." His hips rolled down into the bed, seeking out more of the touch. "J..Just to see."

He slid his hands down his body until his long fingers curled into his thighs and stared down at Jensen. Licking his lips, Jared arched his body slightly, spine twisting along the mattress. He couldn't stop moving - _God_ \- it was insane, the heat of Jensen's touch, the way his boyfriend's eyes held his gaze.

"And... did you, like it?" Jensen asked quietly, voice thick and lust filled. The very _idea_ of Jared touching himself like that was enough to drive him insane. Even now, being in the position to experience this with Jared, it all felt like a bit too much. As much as he wanted an answer he wanted to feel _more_ so he pressed the tip of his finger forward, eyes fixed down on his boyfriend's body, breath coming faster as he paused the forward push at his middle knuckle, eyes shooting up to Jared to ensure he was okay.

Nodding quickly Jared reached out for Jensen's free hand and gripped it hard. "Yes, like this mo-" He groaned quietly because his boyfriend's finger was inside him and already Jared could feel that he was going to like it. Hell, he was going to _love_ it. Most of his skin was thrumming with the craziest kind of buzzing, electricity - like a fire left by Jensen's touch - his gaze.

"This mo?" Jensen repeated with a bemused snorted until his brain supplied an idea for the rest of the sentence. A wave of surprise had him pushing his finger the rest of the way inside and his eyes widened as he watched the way Jared's body writhe in response to the intrusion. "Did you do this to yourself this morning?" He asked, wetting his lips and slowly crooking his finger inside Jared. It was tight heat and pulsating, Jensen couldn't imagine being _in_ Jared and already his system was sparking at the possibility.

" _God_ yes," Jared blurted out, "m'sorry - I just wanted..." His body rolled up off the bed then back down, hips pushing down to sink Jensen's finger deeper into him. There was something deep inside him that caught fire when Jensen's finger moved. Jared's entire body bowed up off the bed, white sparks shot across his field of vision and he cried out weakly. "Jensen-"

Breath quickening, Jensen pulled his finger back and added a second, slowly pressing both forward. Jared's words, the way he moved and moaned, slammed arousal hard into his body and he shifted closer on the bed. "What did you want?" He asked, feeling a sharp thrill at the idea of having this affect on Jared. Muscles clenched tight around his fingers as he inched his way forward, stretched his lover carefully.

"You," Jared murmured softly. He could hardly even think - his blood was racing through his body in time with the throbbing of his heart beat. Every time Jensen's fingers moved so deep inside him - waves of pleasure flew up his body, over his skin, the tight grasp of pleasure squeezing his spine tighter and tighter. Jared tried to speak in between gasps, "wanted to know what this would feel like." His words were drawn out, lust still darting through every inch of him. "S'better," he moaned quietly, "this is better. _Fuck_."

Jared just wanted Jensen to fuck him. They'd been killing each other with touches, kissing, their hands curled around each other's cocks - and now - there were no boundaries left and Jared was impatient. "More," he growled as his body lifted up off the bed so he could stare down at Jensen's face.

Jensen bit down hard on his lip, blood pulsing fast in his ears as his arousal intensified. It was hard to remember he needed to stretch his boyfriend, all he wanted was to be _in_ him. His fingers pressed deeper, completely buried and he stretched them further, working the muscle with steady, scissoring motions.

His eyes were snapping between Jared's expression and down to his entrance. When it became too much to resist he added a third, nudging it in beside the others and pushing up. Jared gasped and tensed beneath him and Jensen's free hand curled around his lover's cock, stroking slowly up.

"Fuck Jared, I want to be in you, can't wait to feel you around me," he panted the words quietly, thumb flicking over the slit and through pre-come as he pressed his fingers harder, more sure into his lover.

There was some burning and Jared almost thought his muscles might cramp then Jensen was stroking his cock and his words were heightening every sensation Jared could feel. His hand slapped down on Jensen's forearm and tugged. "Please, Jensen - now - just. Please." Jared pushed himself up with his other hand, moaning as Jensen's palm slid down the rigid heat of his cock.

Jared's eyes locked with his boyfriend's and he felt himself start to tremble. "It's fine," he murmured, "I'm fine. _God_ , can you kiss me?" Jensen was gorgeous - he was always gorgeous - but now he was _so_ hot Jared just wanted him _now_

Smiling slightly Jensen amused himself with the bubble of energy coursing through him. Being _wanted_ was indescribable, it made him feel as if he were practically _glowing_. "Yeah," he finally murmured and pulled his fingers free, flopping over Jared's body and crawling up to slant their lips together. His hands searched blindly along the blanket until he found the discarded bottle of lube, flicking the top open. With a final swipe of his tongue forward into Jared's mouth he sat back, squirting the liquid into his palm and curling it around his aching flesh.

A small moan fell from his lips as he stroked along his skin, inhaled shakily and wiped his hand on the blanket. "Okay," he nodded, wet his lips once more and pushed up against Jared's body. It took a little negotiating to get Jared's legs up to his shoulders, angling his body and Jensen stared down at him for a long moment before swallowing thickly and pushing just the head of his cock into tight flesh. A groan wracked its way up through his chest and Jensen's eyes flickered closed, unprepared for the swell of heat encasing just the tip of him.

Jared's breath hitched at the intrusion; it was so different from Jensen's fingers, thicker, fuller. He gasped and shifted unconsciously away before trying to relax. His fingers curled into the bedspread beneath them and he gathered up the material in his fists. "Slow," he whispered. The burn sent the strangest waves of pain raging through him and it was almost impossible to distinguish it from pleasure after a few moments. Letting his head fall back, lips parting, Jared panted slightly then reached down to curl his fingers around Jensen's neck and pull him closer. Pull him _deeper_.

Going slow seemed almost impossible but after a few deep inhales Jensen felt a little more in control and gently edged his body forward. His hands dug into the mattress on either side of Jared's body and he lowered himself, sinking in a few more inches as his lips met Jared's and slid slowly across. "God," he gasped against Jared's mouth as he slid deeper, all the way, completely enfolded in Jared. Jensen's forehead pressed against Jared's, each sharing shaky inhales of the others air. "How does it feel?" He murmured, moaning when Jared's muscles tightened around him, held him there.

"Feel?" Jared gasped out a shuddering breath, lashes fluttering closed. "Full," he murmured, "burns a little, good. _Fucking_ good." Huffing out a short laugh his hands snaked around Jensen's waist, palms pressing into the small of his lover's back. Licking his lips he tilted his chin forward, soft smile on his lips and pressed his lips against Jensen's. "Move. Fuck me." His voice was rough and thick and it sounded almost like someone else's. He moaned, biting Jensen's bottom lip hard and rocking his hips up to try and sink his lover's cock deeper.

"Fuck," Jensen groaned and slid back, slowly rocking back down. His lashes fluttered at the heat pulsing around him. "Jared," he moaned, pulling back once more. He had to pull in a quick breath, hold it for the next thrust so he didn't lose control and come right then and there. Every part of him felt _alive_ , in a way he had never felt before. Jensen panted against Jared's lips, bodies sliding together with each pull back of his hips. Pushing up, away from Jared's lips, Jensen snapped his hips hard into Jared, growling low in his throat as he drove hard down into his lover.

The strength of Jensen's thrust made Jared cry out. It was more than he expected and the flash of pleasure that engulfed his body was almost unbearable. He wanted this, _harder, faster, more_. Prying his fingers off the bed spread Jared reached up to curl one hand over Jensen's shoulder, the other hand slipping down his lover's chest until he could catch the cool metal of the nipple ring between his fingers. He tugged gently; Jared loved the sounds that Jensen made, the way his hips snapped forward into Jared's ass so forcefully. It was hot and Jared had never been more turned on by anything, "harder," he gasped.

Head falling back, Jensen moaned loudly, blood racing through his veins fast enough to make him dizzy. His fingers curled around Jared's calves, tightening and pushing him up, hips driving down hard and fast into his lover. Sweat was beading along his brow and it still wasn't enough, he wanted to hear Jared fall apart, wanted to feel his orgasm tear through him. Thrusting hard down into his lover, Jensen brought his hand forward, curled it around Jared's cock and stroked in time with the quick brutal thrusts. Jensen wasn't aware of the time passing, completely lost in the feel of flesh around him, muscles rippling. His heart slammed hard into his chest and Jensen forced his eyes open, watching the pleasure on Jared's face with greedy eyes.

Nails digging hard into Jensen's back, Jared sucked in a breath when he could. Each thrust of Jensen's cock sent sparks of pleasure skittering up Jared's spine. Moving constantly, his hips rocked up into his lover's, spine arching and twisting as their bodies collided again and again. Soft sounds slipped past Jared's lips, keening sounds of want.

Jared's cock was so full it ached, swollen under Jensen's touch. He could feel his lover's palm rasping over his own flesh, the tingling of his orgasm spiralling to life. Then Jensen's hips canted, Jared's breath shot out of his body - and the most painful wave of pleasure shot up his body. Squeezing his eyes shut against the flare of white, Jared almost froze - holding his breath as wave after wave of pleasure cascaded over him. He only just had time for his eyes lashes to flutter open and he was coming; he came harder than he ever had the force of his release doubling his body up as his muscles clenched and pulsed. Come spattered across his flesh and Jared grasped blindly at Jensen's neck to crush their mouths together.

The vice like grip around Jensen's cock was enough to have him coming before he even realized that Jared had hit his peak. He gasped into the kiss, hips rolling forward into the touch as his orgasm tore through him. It was the most intense thing he'd ever felt, body shaking, shoulders tensing as he rode out his release. Jensen collapsed against Jared's chest, arms giving out, panting heavily into his skin. He could feel Jared's heart racing against his own, chests rising and falling in sync as their bodies hummed in the aftermath.

Jared's arms tightened around Jensen, clinging to him as his body twitched and shuddered. He had no idea how long they lay there before he finally found his voice again. "So fucking _good_ ," he murmured into Jensen's neck. Kissing him, licking, and sucking on his boyfriend's sweat-slick skin Jared hummed softly.

Moaning softly Jensen reluctantly pulled back from his lover, falling to the side and instantly curling into him. "I really can't wait to do that again," he mumbled into Jared's shoulder, pressing his lips to the skin.

"Again," Jared echoed. Nuzzling into Jensen's hair he smiled. "I'm so-" his words got all stuck in his throat as emotion welled up inside him. There'd never been anyone he cared about like he did Jensen. Laughing softly he shook his head and kissed his boyfriend's shoulder.

"Yeah, I know," Jensen nodded and grinned, inhaling the mixed scent of them lingering in the room. For a few minutes he simply laid there, pressed into Jared's side and basking in the warmth. Then a slow smirk curved his lips up and he pushed up. "Was that fondue I saw earlier?" He grinned over his shoulder at his boyfriend, sliding toward the edge of the mattress. "M'gonna drip hot chocolate sauce on your chest and then lick it off." He laughed at himself, at the happy swell in his heart and grabbed the room service cart to pull it toward the bed. It was going to be a good night.


	8. Chapter 8

Jensen woke with the stopping of the car and he slowly blinked his eyes open, surprised they were back at the campus already. Admittedly, they didn't get very much sleep the night before and he was really looking forward to crashing again once they got back in their room. Jared was slouched on his shoulder, a little trail of drool falling from the side of his mouth and Jensen grinned, pushing at him gently.

"C'mon sleepy head, we can crash when we get back inside," he couldn't resist pressing his lips to Jared's temple, savouring the closeness. Even if it were only a few minutes walk to their room, Jensen hated feeling like he needed to keep space between them. He wanted to hold Jared's hand, cling to him at all times because it reassured him in the way nothing else could.

"M'up," Jared mumbled. Wiping the back of his hand across his mouth he grimaced. "Gross, sorry. Where are we?" He was sore, aching, tired and happier than he'd ever been in his life. Squinting he peered out the window past Jensen's shoulder. "School. Damn."

With a soft laugh Jensen pushed the door open and climbed out, stretching his arms high above his head. "You know, we should push the beds together, think we'd get in trouble?" He asked once a quick look around told him there was no one out in the front drive. He stepped aside so Jared could climb out as well, smiling warmly at him.

"Good idea, you're a bed hog. That way I could have more than six inches of mattress." Laughing Jared walked around to take their bag from Ken. His phone started to ring as he walked back to Jensen. Searching his pockets he finally managed to find it and pulled it out. "Dad, better talk to him." Flicking the phone open Jared smiled at Jensen and mouthed _push the beds together_ and nodded up at their building.

Grinning at his boyfriend Jensen considered taking the bag but shrugged it off, Jared could use some muscle building anyway. He smirked at the thought as he headed toward the dorm rooms, warm smile too bright on his face to wipe off. He'd never been so stupidly happy before, which is probably why he never suspected that something could happen to change it all.

The smile on his lips did manage to dim, however, when he walked around the corner to his hallway and saw the group of people lingering by their doorway. It was Principal Farlon and two police men, another man he didn't know and Mr. Collins of all people. Jensen's smile completely vanished as he approached them, steps slowing. Some part of him said to run, turn and get the hell out of there because he was familiar with police men and it could never be good when they were around.

"Jensen, there you are," Principal Farlon frowned as the group of men turned to him.

Looking curiously over at Mr. Collins then back to his Principal, Jensen's hands stuffed into his pockets, reflex action of protectiveness. "What's going on?"

"We need you to come with us," one of the officers said and stepped forward, hand curling hard around Jensen's arm, not giving him much choice in the matter.

"I don't understand," Jensen glanced around them in confusion. A thought sparked in his mind and Jensen's heart lurched. "Is it Mack? Is my sister okay?" It was the only thing he could think of that would warrant this type of gathering waiting for him.

"Your sister?" Principal Farlon frowned and shook his head. "No, not..."

"Is this yours?" The other officer held up his leather coat.

Staring at it, even more confused than before, Jensen nodded. "Yeah that's... what's going on? Can someone please tell me?"

"Jensen, we know what you did," the Principal continued and his eyes narrowed, hardened.

Jensen's mind turned over possibilities, dismissing one after the other. What could he have done? Was this about Jared? Was this his past catching up with him even though he'd paid his dues? "What I did?" He finally asked when it seemed like no one was going to offer an explanation.

"Come with us," the officer hold him instructed once more and they led him down the hallway, away from his room and toward the classrooms.

Jensen was trying not to panic, fear making it nearly impossible. He couldn't come up with a single thing that he may have done to cause this. Instead he thought about Jared, coming up to the room and not finding him. What if they took him away? Then he'd never get a chance to say goodbye and everything he worked so hard for would just be gone, like everything else in his life. Jensen could feel the eyes of students as they passed. He saw Chad amongst the crowd and tried some silent form of communication, trying to tell him to find Jared, do _something_ to make this all stop.

-=-=-=-

Jared felt like he'd been listening to his father for half an hour by the time he ended the call. It was probably only a few minutes but he just wanted to go in to their room and sleep. He wouldn't have changed the night before for anything but _holy shit_ he was tired.

Grinning, Jared headed up the sidewalk quickly to see if Jensen had managed to move the beds together. Their hallway was strangely quiet and Jared peered around wondering if there was some school event or something. Yawning, he yanked and twisted the door knob and it was still locked. "Jensen, open up." Letting his forehead rest against the door he laughed. "Lemme in I'm too tired to pull my keys out of my pocket."

"Jared," Chad skidded down the hallway, nearly knocking into his side. "Dude," he wheezed as if he'd just been running and leaned hard against the wall, holding up a finger as he panted for air. "It's... Jensen," he panted slightly and pushed himself off. "Man, gotta lay off the Cheeto’s. Anyway. Jensen, it's, dude, they're blaming him. They took him away. Two officers, Principal Farlon and some guy from the board."

"What?" Jared rubbed at his eyes and took a step back. "We just got back he's waiting for me." Turning back to the door quickly he frowned and yanked his keys out of his pocket. "Jensen, this isn't funny-" The door swung open and the room was exactly the way they'd left it.

Whirling back to face Chad Jared's bag fell out of his hand. "What's going on?" It was all some stupid joke. Jared was sure of it. "Where is he?"

"I think, maybe they took him to the scene of the crime? I don't know dude, he looked pretty fucking scared." Chad turned to look down the hall then back at Jared. "Man, this is fucked up. I guess it must be pretty damn serious, cops being called." Chad dragged a hand up through his hair, sighing heavily.

"Crime? What crime?" Jared grabbed a handful of Chad's shirt and slammed him back into the wall. "What crime? _Where_ is Jensen?" He knew it wasn't Chad's fault but nothing was making sense. Jensen had _just_ been there - with him in the car. If his Dad hasn't called just to _chat_ then everything would be fine. "Please," his voice softened as his fingers loosened on Chad's shirt. "Just please tell me where to go."

"Well, I don't really know where they went. But I saw Mr. Collins with them, I heard something about his room... so, we could try there?" Chad grabbed Jared's arm, tugging him toward the hallway. "Come on, I'm sure it's just, you know, a mistake. We'll make it better."

Pressing his lips together Jared followed Chad. His heart was pounding. It was just a mistake - it had to be.

-=-=-=-

The mess of the room was so shocking, Jensen was stunned speechless. He could feel the adults staring at him as he surveyed the damage. Canvases ripped, paint supplies across the floor and walls, over the tables and stools. All of the decorations had been ripped down, torn in shreds along the group. Jensen's heart lurched unpleasantly as he took in the chair by the side desk, completely destroyed. For some reason that hurt more than anything. And then he realized they were accusing _him_ of doing this.

"Well, Jensen, what do you have to say?" Principal Farlon asked, voice stern and tense.

"I didn't do this," Jensen turned, eyes wide. He looked towards Mr. Collins and felt sick when the teacher gave him only disappointed, sad eyes. "Mr. Collins, you can't think... I didn't do this. I _wouldn't_."

"Your coat was found just over there," the officer holding his coat gestured toward the far wall. "There's even paint on it."

"But I, I would never do this. Mr. Collins is my friend, the first one I really had here, why would I do that?" Jensen could feel tears prick along his eyes and he looked from one man to the other. "Jesus Christ, are you people _really_ doing this to me?" Defences had his shoulders tensing, fingers curling together. "Mr. Collins, seriously, why would you think I would do this?"

"Jensen, the evidence is clear." Principal Farlon gestured around the room and sighed. "Let's go to my office, I'd rather not make this a public scene."

Jensen felt something sink heavily in his chest. If it wasn't here it was back in juvi, terms of his parole and all. Back in juvi meant no Jared, no Mack, no school. He'd be stuck there until he was eighteen and the course of his life would be set. He wanted to argue and protest, defend himself, but what was his word against the word of these men? He was just some punk kid with a bad history, and now that was coming back to haunt him.

They led him back down the hall toward the front offices and Jensen didn't look up this time to see the students they passed. He wondered if he'd be given a chance to say goodbye to Jared, if he could just have one _minute_ alone with him to tell him how he meant _everything_ to him. It wasn't fair, that just a few hours ago he was the happiest he'd ever been in his entire life and now, this. It was enough to make Jensen dizzy, still too tired, body shutting down as he resigned himself to a truth he'd always known. Nothing lasted, everything good always went away.

-=-=-=-

Shoving past Chad Jared barged into the art room. The classroom was in an absolute shambles, tables and desks were over turned, canvasses torn and broken. Mr. Collins was standing in the middle of the room with a hand on the back of his neck looking like it was an insurmountable task. "What the hell happened?" Stepping over a broken table Jared stopped right in front of Mr. Collins. "Where's my - where's Jensen?"

"Jared," Mr. Collins looked up toward him, frowning. "This really isn't a good time. Why don't you go back to your room and I'll have someone come explain things to you." The teacher picked up a shredded canvas and sighed, tossing it to a pile across the room.

"Why won't anyone tell me anything?" Jared glanced over at Chad. "Tell me! Where the _fuck_ is my boyfriend? Do I need to call my Dad?" Jared's hands were shaking and he took a step back because in about five seconds he was going to have his hands on Collins - teacher or not.

"I don't think there's much your Dad can do in this situation Jared. Jensen isn't his son; no amount of money can make up for this type of damage. Principal Farlon wouldn't tolerate this kind of..." Mr. Collins waved around the room.

"Dude, Jensen didn't do this," Chad interjected, stepping up to Jared's side. "Why the fuck would he do this?"

Mr. Collins sighed and shook his head. "I don't know why he would. But they found his coat here, with paint on it. I simply came in here room this morning and it looked like this, I wish I had some answer for it as well."

"I can't believe you," Jared spat. If it weren't for that fact that Chad was smart enough to grab Jared's arm he was pretty sure his fist would be connecting with Mr. Collins' jaw. "Jensen trusted you. He told you everything about himself - and us and you just hung him out to dry. Did you even try and stand up for him?" Shaking his head Jared's anger pushed tears of hurt into his eyes. "Jensen did _not_ do this you _asshole_. This happened last night?"

Mr. Collins looked appropriately shocked by Jared's outburst. "Jared, I'm still your teacher. I won't tolerate you talking to me like this. There's no arguing with the facts here Jared, now please. Just go back to your room and we can figure this out later."

"He was with me," Jared yelled. He yanked his arm away from Chad's grasp and stepped closer to Mr. Collins. Taking a deep breath he wiped angrily at the tears on his cheeks. "We were at the Fairmont Hotel on the edge of town. You can call the front desk. We checked in right after we dropped of his sister and we were there the entire night. He couldn't have done this and if you'd thought about it- you would never have believed he did."

Shaking, Jared stumbled backwards a step. "Chad?" He glanced over at his friend realizing that he was about to completely lose it if he didn't get to Jensen and sort this out.

"Where did they take him?" Chad asked an obviously stunned Mr. Collins. "Where is Jensen?" He repeated slower and rolled his eyes. " _Earth_ to Mr. Collins."

"Principal Farlon's office," Mr. Collins muttered, kicking into gear and heading for the door. "Come on, we... there's still time to stop it okay? We'll..." He sighed heavily and looked toward Jared. "Jared... I'm sorry. I didn't want to think... but his jacket and..."

Shaking his head sadly Jared spun and headed for the door. He could hear Chad behind him but all he could think of was getting to Jensen. This was exactly the kind of thing that Jensen _believed_ happened to people like him. Jared knew that if it had been anyone else, there would have been a phone call to parents or a donation to the school. The fact that Jensen just _fit the bill_ was why no one had questioned it. Jared couldn't bring himself to say anything else he just sped up into a half jog until they rounded the corner in the administration wing. There were two uniformed officers standing in the reception area and Jared strode past them up to Sophia. "I need to see Principal Farlon."

"He's with a student right now," Sophia looked up at Jared with wide eyes.

"This involves that student," Mr. Collins said quickly, stepping up to the desk. "Tell him it's important."

"I'm sorry, I was told not to let anyone in."

"Why the hell won't anyone listen to me?" Jared slammed his hands down on the desk and spun toward the Principal's door and yanked it open. Jensen was sitting in front of the Principal's desk and Jared's eyes moved from his boyfriend's downturned gaze to the Principal. "What's going on here, Jensen didn't do anything." He felt Chad run into his back and Jared widened his stance and stared the Principal down as he stood up.

"Mr. Padalecki, what on earth are you doing?" Principal Farlon stared in surprise at Jared, glancing down at Jensen then back up.

Jensen's heart lurched in his chest at Jared's sudden entrance in the room. He glanced up at him, eyes widening slightly. He didn't want his boyfriend to get in trouble too but there wasn't really any point in protesting at this point.

"We have proof that he was the one to do this," the Principal pointed at the paint stained coat. "If you don't want to find yourself in trouble too Mr. Padalecki, I'd suggest you go."

"And I'd suggest that _someone_ start listening to me." Jared shoved his hand in his wallet and pulled out the receipt from the Hotel. He flung it down on the Principal's desk. "I don't care what you threaten me with. Jensen didn't do this - he was with me last night for the entire night. We were at the Fairmont. I suggest before you get into some trouble yourself that you call the Hotel and confirm with the front desk clerk that we _both_ checked in. His name is Rob." Jared was panting and ran a hand through his hair. "He's known my family for two years and he-" Jared pressed hard against his forehead and swallowed back the emotion that was rising again, "he knows I've never brought a guy there, ever and he teased me about Jensen. I told him. I told him Jensen was my boyfriend."

Blowing out a breath Jared could only hear his own breathing. The room had fallen completely silent. "Check the security log on the card key, the... the cameras, whatever, I was with Jensen all night." Dropping his shoulders Jared reached out a hand toward Jensen, tears welling in his eyes again.

"Oh." Principal Farlon stepped back, looking down at the receipt and slowly back up. "Well. I uh, I see then."

Silence reigned once more and Jensen pushed up from his chair. "I guess I can go then?"

"That still doesn't explain how your coat ended up there," the other man in the room stepped forward, clearly not ready for the conversation to be done.

"If you'd let me explain earlier you would have learned that I lost that coat last week. So. Whoever stole it obviously did that to Mr. Collins' room." Jensen pulled his arms across his chest. Being on the receiving end of their suspicion made his skin crawl and he sighed heavily. "Please. Can I go now?"

"I don't see..." Principal Farlon gestured toward the door.

"We'll probably have more questions for you, later," the man interrupted, fixing his gaze hard on Jensen.

"Right, and we'll need to address the whole uh, the boyfriend matter. And being dorm mates and all," Principal Farlon added.

"What the fuck ever," Jensen grumbled and spun, heading for the door. He snagged Jared's hand along the way, pulling him from the room. For just a moment his eyes lifted and caught Mr. Collins' but he brushed past him, ignoring the call of his name. He just wanted to be _done_ with this entire situation. The moment they were back in the hall he dropped Jared's hand and dug his hands up into his hair. "Jesus, _fuck_ can you believe that?" He spun toward his boyfriend with wide eyes, watery with disbelief.

"It's okay, Jensen," Jared took a step closer. "Chad tried to warn me." Glancing over at Chad, Jared sank back against the wall and pressed his thumb and finger into his eyes.

"Oh man, of course," Chad huffed and shook his head. "Justin. They had to do this. Fuck."

Jensen heaved out a long breath and shook his head. "I'm gonna fuckin' kill them." He felt Chad's eyes on him and he sighed. "Not _literally_. Jesus." Looking around the hallway Jensen frowned, trying to shift away the uncomfortable swell of panic. "Can we just go back to the room?" He looked toward Jared, pleading with his eyes. He wasn't sure how much strength he had left in him. The prospect of losing Jared had been far too tangible and now he needed something to settle it.

Nodding, Jared pushed off the wall. Now that the adrenaline was leaving his body Jared was feeling drained and shaky. "Chad?" He started to walk slowly back toward their room, "thanks for stopping me... in the art room. I swear, I thought I was gonna punch Collins." Their footsteps echoed around them in the hallway.

"Man, I was half stopping myself. Fuck, I thought he liked you Ackles." Chad flinched after the words, giving Jensen a sympathetic look.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Jensen shrugged and kept his head down so he didn't have to see the looks of the students they passed. He knew the truth of the situation. If he hadn't been with Jared the night before there would have been no convincing them that he hadn't done this. It wasn't fair, he hated that this was how they saw him, so easy to write off. It felt like they couldn't get to their room fast enough and Jensen's heart only sank further when they stepped around the corner to find Justin and Henry standing beside their open door.

"What the fuck do you two want?" Chad growled, fingers curling into fists at his side.

They looked momentarily surprised to see Jensen but the expressions flashed away quickly. "Heard there was some trouble, just thought we'd come by, check it out." Justin smirked, looking once at Chad before glaring at Jensen.

Jared's lips twisted into a sneer about half a second before he pulled his arm back past his shoulder and stepped forward to slam his fist into the side of Justin's jaw. Pain shot up his arm - he'd never punched anyone before in his life - but the satisfaction of watching Justin stumble back and fall against the wall was _well_ worth it. "Stay the _fuck_ away from us."

"Whoa," Chad breathed in surprise, eyes widening before he grinned.

"You _ass_ ," Justin hissed and lunged for Jared, reaching out to snag his shirt.

But Jensen had had just about _enough_ of everything happening and his time in juvi taught him to be quick. Plus he was fucking _sick_ of sitting back and letting these people try to destroy him and he wasn't going to allow anyone to threaten his boyfriend in any way. Snagging the boy around the middle he shoved him hard back up against the wall and stepped into his space, eyes narrowing. "Don't you fucking touch him," he hissed, hand shoving back into Justin's chest when the kid attempted to move. A slow smirk curved his lips up and he pulled his hand back. "I'm pretty damn good with a knife, if you don't want to find that out for yourself, I suggest you take Jared's advice and stay the _fuck_ away. Got it?"

The color drained from Justin's face and he looked over at Henry before nodding swiftly. Jensen stepped back and gestured down the hall. "You were just leaving."

"I uh, yeah. Yeah," he nodded once more, stumbling back.

"Oh and Justin?" Jensen called out to him, voice tight and clipped. "I suggest you go tell Principal Farlon what you did to Mr. Collins' classroom. Because it's going to be a lot worse for you if you wait for us to prove it was you."

The two boys took off down the hall and the Chad burst into laughter. "Holy fuck, remind me not to piss of Ackles. Or touch Jared apparently."

Blinking, Jared cradled his hand against his chest. "Jensen, whoa." Closing the distance between them Jared closed his eyes and leaned against Jensen's back. There were probably things he should say but he was exhausted and his hand _fucking_ hurt and he just wanted to rewind to the morning. Start over.

"Whoa yourself," Jensen murmured and twisted against Jared's body, sliding back to take his hand. "Damn, that looks painful. Come on. Chad, can you get us some ice?" Jensen glanced over at Chad and smiled at the pride on the boy's face. If he hadn't already officially sealed their friendship, he was pretty sure that would have done it.

"Ice, got it. Gonna find Mike too, seems like a good night to have beer," Chad nodded and headed down the hall.

Jensen rolled his eyes and pulled at Jared, dragging his boyfriend into the dorm room and closing the door behind him. He stood in silence for a long minute, trying to allow time for everything to sink in and start making sense. It didn't seem to be. "They're going to make us move rooms." He said quietly, looking up at his boyfriend and frowning. "I don't want to move rooms."

"I'm not moving. You're not moving." Jared sank down onto his bed and sighed, wincing as he rested his forearm across his thigh. "I'll call my Dad. I don't ask him for things very often but I'll-" Jared's voice broke as the exhaustion and fear all caught up with him rather suddenly. Blinking up at his boyfriend he smiled weakly.

"Hey," Jensen said softly and walked to his bed, dropping down. Wrapping his arm around his boyfriend, Jensen sighed and pressed his lips to Jared's shoulder. "It's okay. It's... you rescued me and all. So it's okay." His eyes closed as he let his words reassure himself, breathing in Jared's scent for the additional comfort. "God, if I hadn't been with you last night..."

"You were right. Things aren't fair." Jared looped his arm around Jensen's neck. "Mr. Collins, he was just standing there. Why are people so quick to believe the bad shit about everyone?" Pulling back Jared's eyes widened, "I never, _ever_ not for a single moment believed what they said."

Reaching up to lay his palm flat on Jared's jaw, Jensen smiled softly. "I know. It's just, the way the world works. It's like the way people believe things about you. Just can't help it." Jensen's hand slid back to cup along the back of his boyfriend's neck and he dragged him down so their foreheads met. "God, for a few minutes there I thought that was it. I thought I was going to lose you just like everyone else." He released a slow, shaky breath, eyes falling closed.

Finally able to force a slight smile, Jared shook his head. "You can't seriously think you'll ever get rid of me." Pulling back a little he gazed into his boyfriend's eyes for a few moments then leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips. "I can't imagine being without you."

"I love you," Jensen murmured only because, it was true and he knew it would make his boyfriend smile a little more.

"Alright, curb the gay I'm coming in," Chad hollered before coming in the room, holding up a bag. "Ice. And I heard Nick as he was walking by, Justin and Henry turned themselves in. Guess that whole, stabbing someone reputation finally worked in your favour Jen," Chad grinned, offering the ice to Jared before flopping on the opposite bed. He looked between the two of them for a moment and sighed. "Ah c'mon, it's all good right? Jared stormed in and saved the day, punched some dick which was fucking awesome, then Jensen threatened his life. Pretty good Sunday in my book."

Jared grinned sheepishly. "I _did_ kind of save the day, Jensen." He winked across at Chad and laughed softly. He could call his Dad in the morning, sort things out - it didn't all have to be done _right_ that instant.

Pressing the wrapped ice against his knuckle Jared winced. "Never knew punching actually hurt."

"Hey, I'm not denying it." Jensen smiled and leaned into Jared's side, arm wrapping around him. "My own personal hero," he murmured, pressing a kiss to Jared's temple.

"My eyes, my eyes, they burn," Chad groaned and rolled on the bed, burying his head in the blanket.

"You know Chad, Jared's sucked my cock on that bed." Jensen informed voice solemn and serious.

Chad nearly squeaked, pretty girlie for him, and jumped up. "Man. Okay, when you two are ready for some serious alcohol you know where to find me. I can't stay in here anymore, I'm gonna get infected."

Jensen snorted as the boy headed out of the room, muttering and closing the door behind him. Glancing back at his boyfriend he smiled a little wider. "We've just learned the magic trick to make Chad go away."

Jared smiled then looked down at his shoes. "I'm sorry I didn't pass on what Chad said. He tried to get me to warn you, didn't know anything. Just said you should watch your back but with the whole - well, us I just forgot all about it. I can't believe they did that."

Reaching out for the hand with ice on it, Jensen cradled it gently and pressed the ice down softly against the skin. "There's no way you could have known Jared. I mean, that they would do this. It's really fucked up, and I don't think I've quite absorbed it all yet but... it's not your fault in any way okay?" He leaned toward his boyfriend, resting his forehead against the boy's neck.

"Lock the door," Jared smiled. "Can we go to bed? I'm so tired and I want-" he shrugged and bit down on his bottom lip.

Pushing up off the bed, Jensen headed for the door and turned the lock, taking a moment to ensure himself everything was okay before turning back around. "Still wanna move the beds together? It'll make it a lot easier for... sleeping." He smiled at his boyfriend and stepped closer.

"Yeah, I do. You know," Jared smiled as he stood, "if they won't let us stay together I'm gonna get an apartment." Shrugging out of his jacket, Jared tried to pull the nightstand out of the way with one hand. "You think they'll be able to stand up the wrath of my Dad?"

"I doubt it. Besides, part of your punishment was to be my mentor, you'd be depriving me of the privilege, and the school would be doing a great injustice." Jensen nodded, smirking slightly and stepping up to help Jared tug the nightstand the rest of the way back. "Kind of crazy how far we've come, huh?" Jensen bent to push the blankets up on each side of the bed so they could push them together.

"Just wait for college," Jared grinned and put the ice down long enough to get his shirt off. "Starting over." Smiling warmly at his boyfriend he stood there and scratched at his temple. "I can't get my jeans off. Sore hand." Jared shrugged.

"Something tells me I'm going to be hearing that a lot." Jensen chuckled softly and finished shoving the two beds together before crossing to Jared and pulling at his waistline. "I shall undress you since you defended my honor and all." He pulled his boyfriend in to kiss him, hard and long. If there was anyone who was going to make him forget about this day, that would be Jared. His fingers dug into the material, pushing down past the hipbones and shoving roughly until his boyfriend could step free of the material.

Moaning quietly Jared pressed closer to Jensen's body. The pain in his hand almost forgotten he slid his hands under Jensen's shirt and finally pulled back to suck in a breath. "Bed, m'tired and I want you."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Jensen breathed and stepped back, pulling his shirt off and tossing it across their room. He stooped down by the bag still by the door and grabbed the bottle of lube, tossing it on the bed and kicking out of his shoes. "You're not too sore or anything from last night?" Jensen asked softly and pushed off his jeans and boxers, kicking them to the side and flopping down on the bed, eyes fixed on Jared.

"M'okay." Last night seemed like a million years ago. "My hand is worse than anything else." Smiling, Jared crawled into bed and kicked his way under the covers. Settling up against Jensen he grinned, "get under here, warm me up."

Chuckling softly, Jensen climbed his way under the blankets and shifted back, draping against Jared's side. "I want you on my lap," he murmured, lips sliding across Jared's shoulder, over to his neck to suck a purplish bruise into the skin.

Jared sighed and turned into the pillow. Even after everything that had happened since they got back to the school, the gentle tone of Jensen's voice made Jared's body tingle with anticipation. Jensen's lips were soft, warm and the insistent pressure of his hands encouraging the rise of heat, yet again in Jared's body.

"We're gonna be okay, right? No matter what?" Jared's voice was soft.

"Why wouldn't we be?" Jensen whispered, afraid to talk louder and shatter the moment. Hadn't really been the answer he'd expecting but he understood Jared's worry, he was personally avoiding it at all costs.

Slipping a leg over Jensen's, Jared pulled himself across his boyfriend's body. "Can't go back to that," he whispered as his lips brushed across Jensen's, "not having you." The backs of his fingers brushed across Jensen's cheek.

"Well then, let's just make sure it doesn't happen." Jensen smiled, fingers sliding down his boyfriend's chest. "I'm not going anywhere," he breathed, hands moving back up to pull Jared down so their lips could meet.

Settling his legs on either side of Jensen's body, Jared pushed up with his good hand and slid his lips along his boyfriend's jaw. His tongue darted out to trace along the skin, tasting Jensen, sucking in deep breaths of his scent. He writhed slowly against Jensen's body, slipping lower so he could mouth his way down the front of his neck, sucking and lapping at the skin.

Head falling back, Jensen moaned low in his throat, pulling in deep breaths and releasing slowly. "You make me feel... so good," he whispered, hands curving along Jared's spine, sliding up the skin and back down, pressing against his back and down to his ass. His fingers dug into the curve of his boyfriend's body, shifting forward so their cocks slid together. Jensen moaned and twitched his body forward. "Always know how to make me crazy."

Jared hummed softly against Jensen's windpipe, sucking hard on the skin long enough to feel the flesh warm in his mouth then moving further down. His teeth grazed along his boyfriend's collar bone and he slid further down. Jensen's body was warm, his muscles ripples and moving underneath Jared's body. It was like being drunk, feeling so much all at once.

Continuing his journey down Jensen's body Jared rocked his hips against his boyfriend’s before settling further down on his strong thighs. Finally, the tip of his tongue flicked at the silver ring threaded through Jensen's nipple. Glancing up at his boyfriend's face, Jared smiled. Skin flushed, lashes fluttering, Jared loved it - loved looking at Jensen when he was turned on.

Spine curving his body up into Jared's mouth, Jensen bit off a loud moan, hand threading through Jared's hair and clenching. He was really going to have to invest in some more piercings somewhere because this one here had him constantly thrumming with pleasure whenever Jared's lips got within an inch. Jensen loved the heat of it, the way Jared pulled back. His chest shook with a quick pant and Jensen's hips rocked up, eager to feel some type of friction.

Slipping his hand between them Jared curled his fingers around his boyfriend's cock. Squeezing gently he stroked the rigid flesh and rode the arch of Jensen's body up off the bed. His hand ached when he accidently leaned on it - but he found it hard to care. Jensen was twisting below him, cock slipping through Jared's grasp. "God," Jared murmured. Shifting back up Jensen's body he settled his ass on his boyfriends cock and tilted his hips to drag up the line of his cock. A small sound burst past Jared's lips and he fell forward to crash their lips together.

Moaning into Jared's mouth, Jensen thrust his tongue hard forward into his boyfriend's mouth, hips jerking up into the teasing touch. Desire shot through his system, pricked down his spine and he was grateful that his lips were connected to Jared's otherwise the entire dorm would likely hear him. "Need you," he gasped into the kiss, hands sliding ceaselessly down Jared's back, over his arms, squeezing along his hipbones. It was a little overwhelming; the way Jared could drive him so crazy all at once. His hand slapped out to the side until he could feel the bottle of lube. Jensen pressed it hard into his lover's chest, hand brushing across Jared's cock.

Jared whimpered and took the bottle quickly; his fingers were clumsy as the level of desire in his body ratcheted up to something almost over the top. _Jensen wanted him._ It was written on his boyfriend's face, the way he kept wetting his lips and _God_ the way his eyes were so dark.

Finally, getting the bottle open Jared slid back down Jensen's legs and leaned forward to quickly take the head of his boyfriend's cock in his mouth. Curling lube covered fingers around the base he stroked up while his tongue swirled round the heated flesh. The taste of Jensen burst into Jared's mouth, salty sweet, and he sucked gently tonguing the slit of the boy's cock.

It was almost too much, Jensen barely held off the flare of his release with the additional intensity of heat coursing through him. But he wanted to be buried too badly in Jared to let himself come now. Instead he willed the orgasm back, stared through heavy lust filled eyes down at his lover, teeth clenching tight. Jensen's hand found its way once more to Jared's hair, stroking the silky locks once, twice, hips twisting and shifting beneath the touches.

"Please," he gasped, finally, unable to hold off any more. "Jared, you. _God_ , I need..." he inhaled sharply as Jared's fingers tightened once along the base, keeping pressure there. "Please," Jensen moaned once more, free hand slapping down into the blanket and curling there.

Jared's breath stuttered to a halt for a few moments and he squeezed his eyes shut. Hearing Jensen beg for him like that spun him almost out of control. It was hot; Jensen wanted _him_ and Jared's cock jumped just at the thought of his boyfriend buried deep inside him. Kneeling forward Jared pushed his boyfriend's cock back slowly, feeling every torturous slide of the head along his own cock then his ass.

Moaning, chest heaving, Jared sat back slowly so Jensen's cock could nudge inside his hole. The burn was intense with no preparation but Jared let it flood through him. Shaking, Jared held himself up - struggling to try and hold back from slamming his body down on Jensen's cock. "God," he whispered as the burn faded away and re-emerged as an intense pleasure.

Hands settling to Jared's hips, Jensen tightened hard enough he was certain there would be bruises. He sucked in quick, sharp breaths to keep his body from jerking up into the tight heat. "Fuck," he gasped, voice deep and lust laced, barely a whisper as muscles clenched around him. Guiding him down, Jensen soaked in the feel of Jared along every inch of him. He listened to Jared's laboured breaths, to the way he struggled to catch himself and adjust to the new assault of feelings and sensations. "Okay?" He asked, hand fixing on Jared's back to pull him in and brush their lips together.

Lashes fluttering as he breathed through the burn, Jared was hardly able to focus on Jensen’s question. "MHmm, s'good," he mumbled. Sliding his lips back and forth across Jensen's he breathed slowly until he could feel the pleasure swirling through his body again; his cock ached where it was caught between their bodies. Spreading the fingers of his hand wide on Jensen's chest Jared pushed up slightly and tilted his hips slightly so he could feel the slide of Jensen's cock out of him then sink back on it again. A thrill shuddered through him and he moaned then bit down on his bottom lip to try and stifle the sound.

It hit Jensen like a ton of bricks, the very _idea_ that Jared was riding him. Seeing him like this, watching his muscles ripple as he pulled his body up and sank back down, had Jensen's body snapping up in reflex. He knew he wasn't going to last long; this was too good, too much, so he shoved his hand roughly down between them, curling his fingers around Jared's cock. He only managed barely half strokes, body pushing off the bed to meet Jared each time he lowered himself on his cock. "Jared," he panted his lover's name, blinking through the haze up at him. "Close. Fuck." Jensen's free hand tugged at Jared, pulling him in to crush their lips together so his boyfriend would swallow his moans.

Every moment was a struggle to keep quiet, not cry out his boyfriend's name, swear and beg for more. Jared's heart pounded away inside him like it would burst through his flesh at any moment. Tongue thrusting forward into Jensen's mouth he soaked up the moans, the sweet sounds of want his boyfriend made. _Perfect_. Ass clenching then relaxing around the heat of Jensen's cock, Jared thrust his hips forward to fuck into Jensen's grasp.

Breaking away from the kiss Jared squeezed his eyes shut and bit down hard on his bottom lip as his orgasm spun out of his control. "Come," he moaned, "come in me." A final gasp and Jared's release pulsed out of his cock across Jensen's hand. Jared couldn't help the way his hips snapped forward and his own pleasure only intensified when he felt Jensen thrust up into him _hard_.

Jensen's body shuddered under the weight of Jared's command. He felt his muscles tighten and his hips snapped up once more before his release washed over him. As it always with with Jared, he felt like he was spinning out of control. Moaning too loud, Jensen crashed his lips into Jared's once more as he thrust up with his orgasm. For just a moment it felt like his world was tilting upside down then he fell back, sucking in a large lungful of air. "Fuck," he said on the exhale, hand roaming over Jared's body, the other wiping along the blanket. "Jared," he panted softly, half smiling up at his boyfriend, pulling him in to rest against his chest headless of the come squishing between them.

Panting against his boyfriend's skin, Jared smiled softly and shifted his hips slightly to pull off Jensen. Falling to the side he was still half-draped over the boy's body, shivering slightly as aftershocks of desire tripped across his skin. Sticky and sore, Jared's body ached in unfamiliar ways and places but _God_ it was the best feeling in his world.

"Owe you a massage later," Jensen mumbled and slid away from Jared long enough to roll over and grab his discarded t-shirt. He wiped at them both before tossing the shirt into the hamper, sprawling out on the bed and pulling Jared close into him. "You. Are amazing." He whispered softly and tucked Jared between his arms, pressing a hard kiss to his temple.

Sighing happily Jared grinned and rested his aching hand across Jensen's chest. "You're pretty _fuckin'_ awesome." He couldn't help laughing, relief finally overtaking the nervous energy from earlier. They made it through another hurdle, intact, together. "I love you," Jared whispered as he turned to press a kiss to the corner of Jensen's mouth.

"I love you," Jensen echoed and tilted forward to capture Jared's lips in a completed kiss. He kind of wanted to stay here forever, just them. For the first time in _so_ long Jensen allowed himself to really consider a future with Jared staring lead opposite himself. It was all pretty amazing.


End file.
